Samuel - thanks for the work you do. Curious to hear your thoughts on this somewhat unique situation. My wife has never given me the courtesy of a d-day. As I began to put the pieces together of what was going on and would ask her about them, she would lie consistently (talking to a girlfriend, staying with a girlfriend etc). As my questions got very specific, she wouldn't deny, she would just give a generic "I didn't leave you for someone else" or shut the conversation down. Long story short, I know who her affair was (maybe still is) with and am certain it became physical. This started last July. She left our home with our son in January and our divorce was final last month. My question is, do you have any specific advice for handling anniversaries of discoveries when a) you haven't had an official d-day or any open acknowledgement and b) you are going it alone? Thanks for your help.

We have 3 D-days. The day my husband asked me for a divorce because "he just was not in love with me anymore" which just happens to be my sisters birthday (TRUTH he was leaving me for her) #2 The day I discovered the TRUTH and that he was having an affair (this is the DATE that is the hardest) and then the last D-day which is when he came clean that this was not his first affair and confessed to 2 others during our marriage. So the first year after D-day (the one were I discovered that there was an active affair) he was going to be at work all day. He worked 12 hour shifts in a hospital and often depending on were he is in the building his phone does not work. So check in times are difficult and support during triggers are hard. He actually suggested I make plans for that day with people that I knew would support me and understand if I had a melt down. He called my sister to make sure that she could be with me all day while he was at work. It was the sweetest kindest thing to me. He also gave me a budget and said take some of your friends that have been here for this year holding you together for a ladies day. I had an amazing group of women that honest to GOD held me together for that first year. We went for pedicures and then dinner. I gave each of them little gift bags and my husband included a note in the bad thanking each of them for supporting me, for the long phone calls, for the shoulders to cry on, and then he asked each one of them to search their hearts and try to find a way to forgive him. Anyway just wanted to toss that out there for an idea. The other D-days he was able to be home and although they were not the happiest of days.....just having the support and a plan for triggers was a great idea.
I know not everyone can afford to splurge or maybe you have not had a lot of support from friends...but do something on your D-day that is just for you. LOVE YOURSELF that day. The triggers will be there.....leading up to the first D-day anniversary will be tense.....know this and plan accordingly.