How do You Handle Contempt?- The 4 Horsemen Series - Part 3 While in recovery from affairs and infidelity, contempt can be a struggle for both the unfaithful and betrayed spouse. Today, continuing the 4 part video series discussing the four horsemen, I address contempt in part 3 of my 4 part video series and how to diffuse it. GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.