Dead on and today is the one year mark for a 2nd and very traumatic D-day. Always about her and her pain. The part about really owning it really hit home, I see it as what you do and how you respond, not just saying yeah I did it now let's just move forward. Pretty hard to move forward with this type of attitude.

Samuel, we are 17 months out from our second dday with the same woman. He is defensive constantly when we talk about it. Never talks about what he felt about her. Wants to say that he didn't care about her, yet had to talk to her nearly everyday for 8 years! That isn't owning it in my mind. He pursued it every bit as much as her, yet he blames her now that he is kind of done blaming me and the marriage. I feel that he doesn't get it. He thinks he shows me empathy, but doesn't do any of the things you say in this video. I want him to engage me and initiate, but he doesn't. We are taking the EMS on-line course because I demanded it. We both have therapists and have been to marital counseling, which has been very disappointing. We are stuck. I'm so tired of chasing him around asking him to give me what I need. He has watched this video because I asked him to. He doesn't apply any of it though and has actually told me I don't do anything to help myself! I feel I am the ONLY one helping me! To top it all off my mother died three weeks ago and after being terrific through the funeral and the week of her death his empathy for me now is pretty much non-existent. I think it is because all the grief is now tied up together and he doesn't want to ask me about her for fear it will morph into grief about us, which is probably true. I have experienced so much loss in the last 17 months. The course is making us address issues, but his reluctance is not giving me much hope. I've read the articles that you suggested. I feel betrayed again because of his lack of empathy.