I gained confidence when I finally realized that I didnt cause him to cheat. That it wasn't about me at all. That he made a series of horribly selfish and hurful choices which he justified in his head.

At 6 months from the first DDay, I would agree that being in my HH group has helped so much. They are women who understand, and I am thankful for their community and support. I also think that coming to an understanding that this is about their (my H and the AP's) brokenness and sickness has helped me not to attribute the affair the me and my shortcomings, real or imagined.

For any unfaithful a listening to this when your spouse shares with you that they have reached any milestone in the quest toward forgiveness humbly say thank you. Yes it is a gift for ourselves. But you are benefitting. And most of us (well me and several ladies I have spoken with) feel like you have already reaped several benefits. So if your betrayed spouse say today I feel or I prayed or I worked on moving closer to forgiveness all you need to do is say thank you for doing that. And then thank God for a spouse that is willing to do the work.