Samuel, I’m not positive but I think this video may have come from a comment I sent you last week. God continues to show me he’s there. I think using you this time.I’m a betrayed male spouse. I live about an hour south of mpls, Mn. I have searched very hard for expert counsel. I have found nothing. I plan on doing hope for healing when it opens again. My wife the unfaithful signed up for harboring hope yesterday but does not seem serious. We’ve been married 17 years. 16 of those years have been affairs with 12 different men. Is there a way to find some counsel through affair recovery. We have a rental setup that she can rent so we can separate and I am very torn as to pull the trigger or not. Any counsel would be so appreciated. Thank you

Timely video for me. I wasn't getting the cues I needed even though H said he was "all in" and promised to do whatever it takes. I guess that meant whatever he felt like doing for as long as he felt like doing it. He said enough - not me. He blamed me. He left 6 mos. ago and hasn't looked back. Abandoned me in every sense except financially - which I'm grateful for. I've done HH - watch the videos - therapist.

I have some serious questions to answer.

It's been 19 months after first DDay, 6 months after second DDay which included finding out there were 3 more affairs (H calls them "mistakes" because they were brief, unlike the 3 year in town affair where he filed divorce, gave her a ring and asked her "want to get married someday?") so I'm done pursuing any more couples therapy. One of those brief affairs started right before our EMS weekend, plus a 4 day relapse to the long term AP -which I was blamed for when I kicked him out of the house because he was waffling on the retreat and my gut told me he was cheating again, I just didn't know it was a new woman. He lied in EMS, lied until this March when I finally got everything. Lied about our brother in law setting him up with 2 of the brief affairs (one before and one after I knew he cheated) including the last one in which he took her to the same vacation spot we were at one week before. In the beginning I did all the hard things he wanted me to address to meet "his needs" (very bad advice from a Christian counselor who uses His Needs/Her Needs, not a good resource for affair counseling) and he repaid me by having a 4th affair and continued to lie. But it's been 6 more months of justification, blaming me, saying "I've got to work (his business is failing) I don't have time", refusing to come clean with his family about the brief affairs to protect the brother in law (his SISTER'S husband), his parents and him saying I need to forgive and move on (they are Christians but that was how his mom handled his father's cheating and his sister turns a blind eye to her husbands multiple affairs with the forgiveness only model). Our therapist has told him almost every session, it's like she's had mass internal injuries from a car accident YOU caused, you may be focused on your broken arm but her whole body is broken, she has to heal, she has to get herself help, but you could forget about your broken arm and come along side her and help her heal. She also usually closes with Prov 6:31 -if a thief "is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it cost him all the wealth of his house". But my husband wants quick forgiveness, not reconciliation with repentance and restitution. He wants it all to be over (the guilt, pain and shame he feels) and "kiss and make up", yes he texted that to me last week. We never even finished our EMS retreat group because he was flying to be with the last affair. So 6 weeks ago I told him to move out again, gave him a list of non negotiables (some of them I had asked for months) in order to move back home- two are half done (He just enrolled in Hope for Healing, but has not started. I did Harbouring Hope in January, asked him to do H for H then too). It took him a year to sell the car he drove her around in and cancel the massage club memberships (long term AP was his massage therapist) so I don't hold out much hope of him doing current requests. Maybe Hope for Healing will be his turning point (I pray it is for our 16 yr old twins just so he gets their pain) but I think it will be just too late for me. I've had enough of getting words of " I'm sorry, I'll try" with little tidbits of change and then going back to his self centered life. I'm at Enough is Enough

My husband doesn't want to work on our marriage. He wants me to sign a post nuptial agreement since my affair and can't promise any chance of reconciliation. He says he wants to "move on" or "see what's out there." How long do I hang on? This is tough. I deserve it. He doesn't know if he wants a divorce. He says the post-Nup is the first step and we will go from there. He says I did my thing for 5 months so he's going to do his thing and doesn't want me attached to his hip. Yet, we still are married and still live together. Advise?