Interrupting the Insanity and Chaos The flow of recovery outside of any pathway or established curriculum is usually chaos, and even within those proven pathways are significant wind changes. The up’s the down’s, the back and forth, the uncertainty of what is going on behind the scenes is enough to push you to want to quit, only about every other day. It really does produce a chaotic uncertainty about what each day will look like, or each weekend with the kids will or won’t look like. It may also paint a picture of what the impending separation or divorce will one day feel like and look like. Usually, when someone wants to interrupt the chaos of it all, unless there is a strategy involved, it’s a stubborn move of desperation. It typically is something along the lines of cutting off all communication with their spouse in an attempt to make them chase them, or stonewalling which is really about maintaining control over their spouse and the entire situation which usually is a hurtful, colossal mistake. There is a better way. In many ways it’s such a struggle as you are trying to interrupt the momentum of past choices and behaviors of both spouses and you’re encountering immense resistance to try and find that new healthier pathway. It’s normal. But, as Rick quotes about every day from Albert Einstein “You can’t fix a problem with the same consciousness or approach that caused the problem in the first place.” The momentum of past behaviors, tendencies and coping mechanisms is fierce. Interrupting that flow if you will, will not prove easy or convenient, but it is possible. Counseling may help if it’s with an expert who has been through infidelity themselves. An EMS Weekend will help and the courses here on the site will also help interrupt the dysfunction. My appeal to you is to recognize the momentum against you is anything but typical or usual. Just doing what you’ve been doing will not prove beneficial at all and will only frustrate you. We’re talking about a lifestyle change and a change in marriage patterns that will most likely necessitate someone standing their ground courageously and strategically with a refusal to sink back into “doing what we’ve always been doing.” It just won’t work. Just yesterday I had to ask someone, “How much frustration and hopelessness is it going to take for you to realize what you’re doing is not working?” What you are probably encountering in your crisis is bigger than just you. The rest of your life hangs in the balance, and potentially your kids, grandchildren and the second half of your own life. It’s time for something new and something more interruptive than simply doing what seems easiest and most convenient.
