Hello. I'm going to try really hard to get to the point. I'm embarrassed to say that it's been 7 years since my husband confessed to his multiple affairs. I am not healed....I am not allowing myself to come out of this pain. He is very remorseful. He (we) knows why he did this. He went for special counseling and I also did and we went together. We learned alot. But we still have an emotional disconnection. After watching the video I again realize that he did not read any articles that I gave him, he did not read on his own. When I asked him to, he said he would, but he didn't. So he has never really tried to learn on his own how I feel. He tells me all the time that he knows that what he has done has 'broken' me and tries to understand. I feel that we have not hit 'rockbottom' in all this. There is alot that we need to expose about our relationship. I'm not sure he is willing to do this because......he is a man that does not like to come out of his comfort zone...ever. I've said enough hear....Just want to get your opinion.
Thank you so much!
Donna

Oh Samuel, what I wouldn’t give for my husband to have a friend like you. While he’s home, trying to get out of the fog of his affair, he’s not doing nearly enough. He lacks empathy and isn’t trying to gain it. He lacks male friends who would, as you once sad, bring him behind the woodshed. And he’s trying to detox on his own, which is not a good idea.

I, on the other hand, joined the course for the betrayed. I am going to survive this with, or without him. While I battle ambivalence... I am doing what the course taught me ... try to be patient! He might come out of this and we could have a better marriage than ever. I do see glimpses of hope from time to time. But if that’s not the case, I can get healthy, being a help for someone else ... and be healthy for a possible new relationship. I will get thru this!

We have a terminally ill child, our only child ... so our marriage had a lot stacked against us already. What my husband doesn’t see, his affair was an escape to him ... he ran away from a sick child, a tough marriage, mounting bills, etc ... but he took everything I had left to cling to. I always thought that if we lost our child, we’d have each other. Not only is that no longer the case, he also destroyed our home, because I know his sneaky lies and deceptive behavior took place from here. The lack of empathy, his oblivion to the damage he caused in me, is destroying my love for him, as he blames, defends and deflects. He is self absorbed. I knew he was broken before. I loved him flaws and all. But he’s downright lost his mind now. What I wouldn’t give for a Samuel, a Rick Reynolds or Wayne Baker to enter his life. Can’t find anyone like that in these parts ... I would give my paycheck for just a phone call with him! He needs friends. He doesn’t have many.

If only he would keep watching videos. In all this mess, I never saw such clarity as the night he watched “Will I always feel this way about my affair partner.” He watched numerous videos after .... seemed like a new man .... but then he stopped. It’s his loss really. I also read the article: “Why do cheaters affair down?” ... it was eye opening. The average person always affairs down ... less attractive, lower morals. It made sense. My husband AP is not attractive at all. It shook me initially because I thought that I must be ugly if she’s his cup of tea. But now I know ... My husband didn’t choose her ... she chose him. Once she validated his toxic behavior, her looks no longer mattered. He didn’t get the confident woman who has 5 guys chasing her, she would never have given him the time of day. She could do better than a liar and cheater. He ended up with his AP simply because she had low self esteem, low morals, and was willing. He was one of numerous sexual partners after her divorce. He won no prize. In fact, she was a predator ... she not only knew about me, she knew about our sick child and preyed on a depressed man going thru a mid life crisis. Make no mistake ... my husband is guilty. Not giving him a pass in any of this. But it takes two and she’s an equal bully to the betrayed. If my husband doesn’t get healthy, they deserve each other. Thank God for affair recovery. Once I get well, renewed marriage or not ... I want to help others. You’re helping me reclaim my life. Thank you! God bless you!