Thank-you for your blogs i have found them so helpful in what i have to describe as a traumatic experience. My partner of 3 years has been unfaithful i found this out 3 months ago now. I left the home we shared..since this time he has constantly been trying to get me back but at the same time wont quite give up the AP. i get constant texts emails from him asking for me to return but then seems to back down, this has been going on and on and is driving me crazy. I really have had enough, and told him that i will no longer tolerate the ambivalence. I have said that if nothing changes in 3 days i will block his mails ect.... and he will not have access to me, i feel i have taken some of the power back.. i think i can now see some movement from him. I feel that putting this boundary in place has given me back some self respect and whatever happens i will cope with it. Many thanks again Dawn from england

Thank you! I find your blogs so helpful and informative. Not always easy to hear but necessary. I want to share that I have done the "no's" you mention by tolerating the ambivalence for too long - First D-day was Jan. 8th, 2017 and most recent one was June 12th, 2017. My fear had such a foothold on me - I was unable to act - really even function. After months of my husband's ambivalence and my own emotional and physical decaying - I made the very difficult decision to leave our home on his birthday (June 22nd) and we remain separated. We maintained contact via text and some face to face meetings during this time; however, he wanted "pretend normal" and it was hurting me. So, after reading Love Must Be Tough - I delivered my letter that said "no more" - I will not tolerate this any longer...no more contact with me while you are involved with another woman. I would rather face life alone than be lied to and I don't need to participate in your ambivalence. It was very hard to do and I know necessary. I admit- I was being a doormat out of fear. Prayer has helped me and I still need more help. I told him to contact me when he is ready and willing to be a faithful husband and we can talk. So far he has not said those words. He has texted me since then - the same small talk, etc. that I was getting before the letter and I have not answered. I don't want to come across as giving him the silent treatment or stonewalling. I am not trying to create a power struggle either. And, everything has been on his terms so far. I am not sure what I am looking for him to do or say but I think it needs to be something different than "good morning" or "do you want to go to breakfast." I know he is unhealthy right now and I don't want to give up on our marriage and I also know i can't be the only one working on it. We have had two failed stints in couples counseling. He is going to individual counseling and I am too. He has refused to do Hope for Healing or EMSO. Any feedback is welcome.