Our Story is So Much Worse Every time I send someone to the site for hope, insight and perspective, eventually I’ll hear from someone, “But you don’t understand, our story is so different……” Or another one is, “Well in your story, he or she was sorry for what they did, my spouse is not.” Or a classic is, “But our story is so much worse.” While I understand the pain you may be in, those that have poured their heart out here would argue that their story was excruciating in every sense of the word. They would also tell you that though the stories may have some changes and some twists and turns, the fact is, it was the worst for them. The fact is, many of you are seeing your story right now as you are living through it. The chapter may not be closed yet. Every great story has at least one rough chapter, sometimes two or three. This may be that rough chapter. To decide about the whole book right now would be a mistake for some. As Rick says, “You can’t tell the end of a story by the way it begins.” I know some of you have already experienced divorce. I’m truly sorry for that, and I know it hurts at the core of your person. I pray you are able to find hope and healing for what you’ve gone through, and I’m sure you’d love to have been able to see restoration, if your spouse was safe, and willing to stop acting out. Your life still has purpose and meaning and value, though your road is unique I’m sure. Those that are in agony right now may think your story is worse, but I don’t think that’s the dominant issue here. It may have some unique elements about it, but for the betrayed spouse, I’m sure they’d tell you they couldn’t imagine feeling worse about what they have felt, or are feeling. But for those who would think “our story is so much worse,” I’d invite you to consider that you probably don’t know the entirety of those stories you are comparing yourself with. You probably don’t know all the twists and turns or the things that weren’t shared in the hundred word blog that was on the site. Sometimes we want to think our story is worse so that we can minimize someone else’s story, and remain stuck. Sometimes, we want to think our story is worse so that we have an excuse to quit trying, fighting, believing and pushing ahead. It’s also not uncommon for us to want to think our story is worse so we can justify giving up. I felt that way too, so please don’t feel any judgment, but only associated grief with the pain you are feeling. For those that have the chance today, push on. Get the right kind of help. Do what you can, with what you have, to find the best expert resource you can to see if your story can change. Then, and only then, if your spouse is not safe and unwilling to change, perhaps that chapter needs to close.
