I struggle with this on a daily basis. How can I not hate myself? My boyfriend and I are 4 months out from D-day. In the first 2-3 months I remember hating myself so much I questioned whether or not to continue on with my life. Slowly I have been feeling a little more hope each day. Often times I feel completely alone in this world, walking through complete darkness. What a scary feeling. And the worst part is that I am 100% responsible for this pain. Even though I feel as if I am alone, I know that God has asked me to keep walking. There is no light yet, but each day I have a greater sense of this hope that the light will appear. That eventually as I continue to walk the darkness will turn to light. I've caused my boyfriend so much pain. I wish that I could take it away because he does not deserve this. How could I have done this to an angel? I know that he loves me will all his heart otherwise he would have left me after D-Day, but he is still here willing to try. I know it sounds crazy, but everyday I wonder if he still loves me. I know that's crazy, but it's a reality. I would say today that I don't hate myself, but I will say that I do NOT love myself. I'm basically just surviving myself right now because I AM my own worst enemy.