"Why Do I Do What I Do?" Help for Unfaithful Spouses Who Are Trying to Make Sense out of It All

Submitted by Samuel Tue, 06/23/2020 - 09:57

Samuel interviews author and therapist Eddie Capparucci about sex addiction.

Add New Comment:

Comments

Could you please send me the article?

Submitted by jmade on

Samuel, you said that you would send the article once you receive. Could you please send to me when you get a chance?

Thank you!

https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-importance-of-bec

Submitted by Samuel on

thank you

 

The Importance of Becoming the New Guy.

Submitted by RemiRemi on

This website is also a another great resource Sex and Relationship and the article “The Importance of Becoming the New Guy”. Thank you Sam for all the great work you do!

As followers of Christ, we’re

Submitted by bighorn mountains on

As followers of Christ, we’re ALL in recovery. It’s only when we reach a place of brokenness, when we realize that all of our personal striving really leads us to emptiness in the end, that we give ourselves over fully to the Lordship of Christ and let Him do His “recovery” work in us.
I’m a recovering betrayed spouse; I lost my way in my 26 year marriage, retreated into my little safe world and didn’t love my husband well. I was happy alone in my make-believe marriage; not intimate, not loving, just going through the motions and looking like a wife on the outside. My husband retreated to affairs.
My heart is broken by the sorrow of the betrayal.
My husband’s heart is broken by guilt and shame, and such deep grief.
I told him that the Lord was picking up the remnants of our shattered hearts, piece by piece, and carefully fashioning one united heart. We see the Lord at work, but it took pain and getting our “selves“ out of the way; I wish it could have been different, but then it wouldn’t be our story and His plan.

I also have to add that I

Submitted by bighorn mountains on

I also have to add that I feel like the unfaithful one even though I was betrayed. Everything Eddie describes here, describes me. I suffered alone as a child, felt shunned by peers and misunderstood, retreated often into a fantasy world where I was strong and important. It’s been hard for me to be “present” with my husband and children, I’ve always kept a part of me distant and aloof, impenetrable, safe (or so I thought). My husband’s infidelity rocked my inner world. He told me he was lonely, felt unappreciated and shoved aside, and wanted to be affirmed by me but wasn’t, so sought that affection elsewhere.
I see now that it’s possible to be unfaithful without being physically or emotionally unfaithful with another; I was unfaithful by giving most of my time and attention to ME, ignoring my partner’s longing for his wife’s love.
But!
I feel hopeful. One of the mindful things I do is to move toward my spouse, not away, when I feel the desire to run and hide. I reach for him, massage his hand or caress his face, hold him in my arms and tell him I love him. When he wants to tell me in detail the mechanical workings of a recent truck repair, I listen and ask questions, and tell myself, “This is important to my husband, and HE is important to me.”
I ask God, “Please help me to love well and to be here in the moment, especially with those whom I love. My deepest desire is to know intimacy with you Lord and with those that you’ve placed in my life.”

That is really a beautiful

Submitted by Dana (not verified) on

That is really a beautiful way to put it. As a betrayed spouse also, I didnt understand (or know about) H pain and trauma from childhood and could only see the pain he was inflicting on me. We are all broken, thank God for His love and mercy.

Excellent Information

Submitted by Makeitdiscreet1234 on

I just ordered Eddies book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. Looks very promising.

I would love the article

Submitted by Dana (not verified) on

I would love the article mentioned in this video

https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/the-importance-of-bec

Submitted by Samuel on

thank you

 

can you, please, send me the

Submitted by We'retrying on

can you, please, send me the article?

look in other comments as it's posted

Submitted by Samuel on

thank you

 

I think the copy and paste

Submitted by KentCW on

I think the copy and paste may have cut off part of link. Every time I click it opens up the same comment section.

Sexual addiction

Submitted by Kerryn Smythe (not verified) on

Could you please send me the article with Eddie Capparucci.
Thankyou

Recovery and working the program

Submitted by Jbarrons on

what's an acceptable expectation of how much time should be dedicated to working the boot camp or even watching some videos for my wife (unfaithful)? I've been completely lost for the past 6 years and when I found this program about a month ago it has given me a unbelievable amount of hope for myself to find myself again and possibly have a marriage like alot of you couples that are working the program but my wife always says she's excited to but she's just not putting forth any effort to help us get onto a path towards healing and I just seem to be getting more frustrated than before because I just feel like if we just started working on ourselves it could be amazing for us.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

What to read next

I’m Living in the Solution after My Infidelity... A Sex Addict Shares His Story
Infidelity and Sexual Trauma: An Interview with an Expert
What Do You Do When the Unfaithful Spouse Refuses to Get Help?
His Addiction... Her Infidelity... And How They Made It to the Other Side
Q&A Should I Suggest Addiction Counseling to My Mate?

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
Learn More
head-silhouette
 
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas