I have been married for 35 years and two years ago after I caught my husband in a lie. He confessed to having a yearlong sexual affair in which he told her he loved her followed by 6 years of being “just friends” with an old college girlfriend. I told him that they were not “just friends”, that it was an emotional affair, and our local therapist agreed. He says he stopped having sex with her because he knew it was wrong and just wanted to be friends. I asked him how he could have thought it was okay to be “friends” with the woman he committed adultery with for a year and keep his ongoing 6 year “friendship” from me. Obviously his judgment was not only wrong but self-centered. He admits to continuing to view porn and masturbate about 4x a week. How can I make him understand that this is also infidelity and try to make him see that this can only impede us from moving forward to heal our marriage? He says it’s, “it’s no big deal”. He has watched porn since before I met him and I have always told him that I do not approve and why. I see it as a steppingstone for more infidelity. He does have a history of going to strip clubs as well and fantasizing about being with a prostitute although he says he has never actually done it.