Q&A Why Start Over With Someone Who Deceived You and Cheated on You?

I feel a bit stuck. I learned of my spouse’s affair 9 months ago and to say I was traumatized is an understatement. I received full disclosure 2 months after that. My initial gut reaction was to leave. I stayed. My spouse has been very remorseful. The affair has been over for over a year and there is zero contact. I believe that. We have attended EMS Weekend and continue to read and work through lessons etc. It seems that we make a bit of progress and then boom! I am awash with sadness and/or anger and I think "why am I here?" My nature is to forgive. But this seems impossible to get past. I cannot fault my spouse for his actions since he finally came clean. I just look at him and see the same face and eyes looking at me that promised me this would never happen and yet it has. It wasn't an oops, a mistake, or a one off. It was a yearlong relationship. I feel guilty and remorseful myself that I can't just accept his repentance and stay in a forward pattern. He is extremely sad himself and I believe wants this relationship to heal. I feel I am caught in a state of disbelief at this late date. Why start over with someone who can so skillfully and intentionally deceive you? Do you have any advice?