"I can't believe a married woman with kids could do this. Can't you see how devious she was?!!" Steph yelled.
"I'm 100% responsible," I said. "I won't minimize my responsibility by saying someone tricked me or made me do it. If I'm going to face my issues, I have to take 100% of the responsibility."
"Why do you keep defending her?" This time, she screamed!
"I'm not defending her; I'm taking 100% responsibility. It's my screwed-up choices that got us here. She didn't make me do anything. And I'm not going to blame somebody else for my failure."
"Every time you do that, you defend her!"
"I'm not defending her. I'm trying to take 100%...
Have you ever found yourself so frustrated, so enraged, so overwhelmed, or so out of control that you snapped? This is not a pleasant place to be, but chances are you've been there.
One thing about the aftermath of infidelity is the explosion of not only chaos and uncertainty, but also the many extreme and scary emotions.
For those who find out they have been betrayed, the response is often anger, followed by rage. Rage can get out of control, however. It is a natural and normal human emotional response to betrayal.
For those who have been wayward, you most likely faced (or will face) a very powerful sense of a spiraling loss that is out of...
How do you face a new year after an affair? I want to share four recovery tips with you as you start the new year. No matter where you are in your recovery from infidelity, there was probably a time when it felt like you wouldn't make it. But let me start by inviting you to notice that you did. The overwhelm, grief, anger, and despair have not swallowed you whole, even though it may have felt that way. So take a moment to notice: You made it to a new year!
While the new year symbolizes a fresh start, it can also come with pressures and disappointments, reminding us of unmet goals or the way the previous year didn't turn out as expected. So take a deep breath with me and let's discuss how you...
Wayne: Hey, everybody. Welcome back. So glad you're with us. This week is special for me because we have a very special guest–one of my favorite people on the planet for almost 29 years now! I want to introduce you to my favorite (and only) daughter, Karen Baker, who is a newly minted psychotherapist herself.
Today we're going to talk about infidelity from a different perspective: what to tell the kids, what not to tell the kids, what Karen's journey has been like, and how we have dealt with some of our more challenging father/daughter conversations. I'm looking forward to talking with you about how we've navigated this road together, especially in the last 7 or 8 years...
Even though it was twenty-five years ago when I received my training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy, I still remember my mentor Dr. Jan Raynak's words: "Rick, couples will make more movement in the holiday season than in all the other months combined." I noticed that he didn't say progress, and I asked for clarification, "Progress or movement?" I asked. "Movement," he replied. The past 25 years have proven him right.
Out of all the days of the year, no day symbolizes "family togetherness" more than Christmas. As a result, no time highlights the distance of a ruptured relationship more than this season. If you and your mate are still close to ground zero...
A couple of years ago, Steph and I went canoeing with friends on the Guadalupe River in Texas. It was a picture-perfect spring day. Wildflowers streaked the banks in a kaleidoscope of colors and spring showers had the river running high. We stopped for lunch on a grassy bank and soaked in the beauty all around us. All agreed that it doesn't get any better than this. It was the perfect day... or so we thought.
We Never Saw It Coming
The next day, my skin began to break out, not just a little...A LOT. I've known for years that I'm deathly allergic to poison ivy, which is why I can normally spot the stuff 100 yards away! But on that...
Brave. Beautiful. Warrior. Scarcely words I would ever consider using to describe myself after my husband’s affair.
Fearful. Scarred. Defeated.
These words suited me best at this point in life.
Nonetheless, my teenage daughter bought me these three silver tiles. Word tiles. Brave. Beautiful. Warrior.
With five children I was caring for, to think that one of them viewed me as brave? Beautiful? Even a warrior? It was laughable.
And yet, my daughter’s perspective, that she saw those qualities in me, inspired me to lean into those things.
These three little silver tiles gave me something to hold onto. They were pieces to be put together into your own...
"What were you thinking?" "Did you even consider the consequences?" "I just don't understand how you could ever do this without thinking about me and the kids!"
Carol's eyes burned into Tim's soul like laser beams. Tim, her unfaithful spouse, hung his head in order to avoid her gaze.
"I don't know," he stammered.
"Liar!" she screamed.
Carol and Tim came to see me after the discovery of Tim's four-month affair with a co-worker. Discovery had occurred when the two of them were...
In one succinct phrase, L. Frank Baum perfectly describes the feeling of suddenly finding yourself physically and emotionally lost.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Dorothy quipped to her dog Toto.
When it comes to infidelity, regardless of the type, this statement couldn't be truer. In Dorothy's mind, mediocrity defined her life.
Consider joining Hope for Healing where you'll find community for isolation and healing for shame —and that's just the beginning.
Maybe you've felt like Dorothy. There was allegedly no color in her life. There was no excitement to be found in her prosaic little town in the middle of Kansas. The drudgery of farm life left her feeling hopelessly chained to a life of misery...
Some days, everything can seem like too much to handle, and this can really take a toll on your energy. I spent many sleepless nights wishing, hoping, and praying to wake up to find that all my pain had disappeared. The pain seemed to rot in my gut and would then turn to anger, followed by sadness. Ironically, most days, the pain wasn’t even about the state of my marriage, but rather trying to cope with the loss of my “first marriage.” I was still married to the same person, but I was grieving the loss of the way it was. You see, in the months following the discovery of my wife’s infidelity, I did not realize I was going through the stages of grief. It wasn’t until later that a therapist I was working with said, “Give yourself some grace as you're still grieving the loss of your marriage.” I remember thinking, "How can I be grieving the loss of my...
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