Have you ever found yourself so frustrated, so enraged, so overwhelmed, or so out of control that you snapped? This is not a pleasant place to be, but chances are you've been there.

One thing about the aftermath of infidelity is the explosion of not only chaos and uncertainty, but also the many extreme and scary emotions.

For those who find out they have been betrayed, the response is often anger, followed by rage. Rage can get out of control, however. It is a natural and normal human emotional response to betrayal.

For those who have been wayward, you most likely faced (or will face) a very powerful sense of a spiraling loss that is out of control, and the desperation you feel can cause an enormous sense of fear and shame.

The most difficult aspect of all of these negative emotions is that they are – negative. Negative emotions feel heavier, more painful, and very confusing. Before you know it, you can't tolerate the tension created and you snap.

Our human brains are actually hardwired for such explosions. Our entire circuitry is wired to express rage before thought. It's a survival mechanism of sorts, but even so, things can get out of hand. However, without thought, sometimes we simply misfire. Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable, so it is natural to want to escape these feelings or avoid them all together.

I will never forget in my own recovery, the day I snapped:

You must know that, for most of my own life, I had a sense that I was always supposed to make everyone around me happy, I would avoid anger, and I was far better at reading the feelings of others around me than knowing my own needs and feelings. Emotions are ours alone.

Shortly after the discovery of my affair, my husband and I were sitting outside a hospital on a very cold December day. I had just completed a full STD panel, as it was suggested by our therapist so that he could feel safe. I had just come face to face with my own embarrassment and humiliation when telling the nurse the reason for the blood tests.

I had forgotten my winter coat. I was cold, ashamed, frustrated, and overwhelmed.

We were in my husband's company car, and as I reached for my cell phone, my husband was triggered. That's when it happened. Something inside of me broke and I snapped. I lost it. In one simple and primitive motion, I remember screaming, "I can't do this" as I flung the cell phone on the dashboard of the car.

My emotions snapped as my cell phone hit the inside of the windshield. In an instant, the entire windshield shattered in the frigid temperatures. How were we to explain the shattered windshield in my husband's company car due to his wayward wife losing it after getting her STD test and throwing her cell phone onto the dashboard in anger and embarrassment?

Something happened that day, and believe it or not, if we can suspend our judgement on this story, it was a lesson in the reality that sometimes emotions just need to happen, and they are always ours alone.

We cannot manage, change, or control another person's emotions. We can only try to understand and accept our own feelings and what they tell us.

Are you able to accept your emotions–both positive and negative?

Are there certain emotions you have found that you tend to avoid?

When you have snapped, do you immediately feel guilty or justified in your response?

That day in the car was very scary, yet it was one of the first times I had not avoided what I was feeling, and instead, expressed and felt something I had pent up inside for years!

The upside is realizing the same emotional wiring in us that sparks rage or "emotional snaps" is the same system that can allow humans to perform seemingly impossible, heroic or selfless acts. Think of the heroic situation where someone lifts the weight of a car to save someone underneath.

Both of you, betrayed and wayward, are going to need safe spaces to face the many confusing and negative emotions a couple experiences after infidelity. You will need other like-minded people to not only validate and normalize what you may be experiencing, but offer a non-judgmental space for you to express yourself.

Infidelity creates a pain like no other. It also creates a wave and range of emotions you may have never felt or dealt with before. Affair Recovery is full of real people who can meet you in this space. If you have never considered signing up for one of our individual courses, we have Harboring Hope for betrayed spouses and Hope For Healing for wayward spouses. Both are designed to hit the participant just right where they want it.