My husband has been living out of the house for the past 16 months. I told him after about a week that I was moving on, and shortly thereafter he told me that he was going to start seeing another woman to which I blew up at him accusing him of already having that relationship going on and that is why we could not get along. He is still in this adulterous relationship. I feel the Lord told me to turn around and stay married and pray for reconciliation. That is when I gave my life to Jesus. My husband has known all of this time that I love him and want our marriage to continue. He has been back and forth between the AP and me the entire time, but never moving back home. He has struggled with his feelings and situation not knowing if he should do the "right thing" which is to move back and stay married or "follow his heart" and pursue the relationship with her. Our 2 teenage sons live with me. They do not know about the other woman as far as one of us telling them. Last month I told him I did not know how much more of this I could take to which he said, he would file for divorce and told our sons that "we" are getting a divorce. He continues to talk to me via phone and text as if nothing has happened. He calls and talks on his way home from work asking about my day and telling me about his day. We both agree that our communication with each other has improved since we separated. My question is, should I continue to talk with him and tell him I love him as we say good bye? Should I stop inviting him to eat out with us or to come over?

Hi Rick, We attended EMS weekend December 2012, without that I don't think we could have survived! Our D Day is a year today 7.22.13. The discovery was at our vacation home that we now live in as our primary residence, as starting our new life. Our 33rd Anniversary is 7/19 and we already have plans to have a nice romantic dinner together; we are trying really hard to move forward and make new memories in our "new" marriage and life. It is very difficult for my husband with the triggers daily and knowing that on 7/22/12 at 6:00PM he discovered that I was having an affair. My heart breaks for him as it seems to overtake his thinking by playing the video back in his mind, and the "why" is always there. We are continuing to work daily on our marriage and getting through this extremely difficult journey with God's help and AR. Can you please give Bob and I some advice on what we should do this evening at 6:00 as it is D Day. I suggested we get out of the house and sit by the Lake and watch the sun set...I don't want to cause him any more pain than I already have. We have stayed in contact with a couple from our EMS group and we can't say enough about how being connected to one another has helped us put one foot in front of the other and the love and friendship we have. They even came to visit us in California a few weeks ago, and we were so sad to see them go...Thank you for that Rick and AR! Through this pain we found some friends that God has truly blessed us with, and understands. We know you said it will be 18-24 months but the year mark is really hard! Thanks again for all you do, your weekly newsletters really are an inspiration, painful but great wisdom!

My husband has been addicted to pornography for 15+ years, the few books that I have read and even in the every man's battle conference that he went to recently speak to "rewiring" your brain. That after a 60-90 day period of not feeding the addiction any more you will be able to turn away from the things that aroused him in the past and create new healthy sexual desires within the marriage. From listening to the video on this subject it sounds like you explain the arousal template always being the same and that is just part of how you made up. That the things that aroused you in the past will always arouse you even if you know that they are not "healthy" or "normal" in the christian marriage bed. Can you clarify this? And as the follow up, how much detail do you suggest that I know about his arousal template in regards to the addiction to pornography? I feel like all the information is important, but wonder if finding out the things that were not healthy that he was "in to" (for a lack of a better phrase) could be damaging also. One of the biggest fears I have is not ever being able to be enough because of all the images and fantasies that he has had and I wonder how knowing those things will impact that. thank you so much

I am on the call, but can barely hear you. There is a lot of background noise and you sound like you are very far away from the phone.