Rick,

My wife was the unfaithful spouse and I discovered her affair with her married boss back in May 2013. We have 2 kids 9 and 11. We attended EMS Weekend and she continues to ride the fence whether to stay or go. I am making every attempt to the best of my ability to reconnect with her and continue my self improvement. I am really in a stuck place. However, she has continued to be in contact with her AP which wants them both to divorce and ride of into the sunset. She has not been honest with me during this time. The texts that I have seen from her AP sound much like what a stalker would right. What a weirdo!

I have been at a place for sometime to send her on her way. I believe I am at the point if she is not safe (Being honest with me and not just using words) I must send her on her way. Very few people know about her infidelity (None of her friends and family) and that seems to enable her.

I know I will be ok whether she stays or goes. I am looking for some guidance in this area. Do I send her packing?

Thanks for your insight!

So me again. I have written you a couple times. Tonight marked the end of ems online for us. And I left feeling hopeless. I have listened and heard the change in the other men. I hear that they get it and are trying but within seconds of hanging up the phone I try to tell my spouse how I feel and I get " we need to start that movie with the kids" then when I tell him that watching 12 women walking around a brothel is inappropriate to watch with the kids I get " its not that bad " then finally the kids go to bed and I try to talk and I get " I am too tired " the same excuse I always here. Not one ounce of empathy in any of the above sitUatuons and still he won't talk. Every response he gives is selfish and he reminds me that his love language is words of affirmation and that because I am not loving him and affirming him he can't empathize with me and my hurt. In any situation. I then ask him to sleep downstairs because everything he says just hurts me more and is making me angry. He wouldnt leave. I explained that there r two lists..one to make me upset and one to help the situation and he always does what he knows will upset me so please just leave. He gives a laugh, like he always does to make me feel like no matter how upset I am he Doesnt care. He continues to say everything he can to upset me and still won't just leave. I snapped and hit him and told him how much I hated him. Just yelled I hate you over and over. I told him to get out that I dont want someone who pushes me to be someone I am not , in my life. He just continues to chuckle and tell me he is not going anywhere. Then I pushed him with my feet out of our bed and he snapped. Its not the first time.this used to happen lots..actually a lot after every affair. He tried to choke me tonight till I couldn't breathe then bent my head back as far as he could like he was trying to snap my neck. I screamed at him that I was done and it was the last time he ever would lay a hand on me. So he pushed his thumb so far into my eye I thought it was going to pop out . yes ..that is where we r after 12 weeks. I have known for a while there is no hope but obviously this marriage is toxic and there is no fixing it. He has emotionally, physically and spiritual abused me and when I point that out. He just does it all again. Can u really say now there is any chance ..I just need confirmation that its ok to walk away from this. To save myself or am I wrong ..he tells me I am. He tells me I am just giving up. I feel like I am not giving up, I am protecting myself and my heart and I have the right to do that, dont I ? I feel like him telling me over and over that I am giving up is also abuse and controlling me to stay in an unhealthy relationship. I think after 9 years . 7 separate affairs and multiple occasion of abuse. Now this is our second recovery course and we had 3 councilors in the past. That I have tried hard enough and that I am not giving up I am protecting us both .??