Rick,
I have a rather complex question that deals more with my own thought process. I am the unfaithful and I'm finding it really hard to wrap my mind around how I even allowed myself to have an affair. More so, I am trying to understand how I still think other things in life are really bad! Basically, I was brought up in a very strict Christian home. My parents were very stern on teaching us what was good and what was bad. Sex was always seen as a VERY NEGATIVE thing. The odd thing about it all was that my father sexually abused me when I was 4 or 5 years old. Fast forward to my teenage years, I would always strive to do what was right. I feared consequences to doing what was wrong. I'm not saying I was perfect, but I was happy that I never was promiscuous, never partied hard like all the others my age, worked 1-2 jobs and went to school full-time, and was always respected by adults for being the woman that I was. Then, I got married. My husband wasn't brought up how I was and trying to understand how what he did was ok really struck a nerve with me. But now, after having had two emotional affairs and one physical affair, I still think of all those things that I never did and wonder if by going back and living the life my spouse did would it make me freer to live without trying to always do the right thing. my spouse always said that I acted like I was better than everyone else but it was never that. I don't know if this makes any sense, but an example is my husband wanting me to go to a strip club with him. I've never been, I've always seen it as something vile and disgusting, but how is going to a strip club any worse than having an affair which I've already done? And, I don't even want to go, but in his mind it will show him that I am committed and willing to share things with him. How do I change my way of thinking? Should I change my way of thinking? In addition sex is a HUGE issue with us because of the past sexual abuse that I accused my spouse of raping and abusing me when I didn't feel like he was loving me, but in actuality he was just expressing his love for me through physical intimacy. I acknowledge that I am messed up. I acknowledge that my affairs were me own insecurity of feeling loved and just wanting attention from others. How do I moved forward? How to I meet my mate halfway? Thank you for your time.

Hi Rick - I am the unfaithful spouse, and have been prone to get emotionally attached to women that I work with. After attending EMS and hearing some of your Q&A answers, I've come to understand that I need to remain professional with the women I work with, and guard myself - not sharing personal information, redirecting or escaping from situations where they start personal discussions, and keep work as work. I've been working on that, and doing better - not perfect, but better.

In my new job, I discovered I'm in a group that is heavily female. My desk is surrounded by 5 female co-workers, there is significant social interaction among group members, and my boss (male) let me know that sharing personal information is a good way of building rapport with the team, which he does and encourages. He's invited his employees to his house to socialize as well.

Here is my question - my boss is having a celebration event at lunch for one of the female co-workers for our group. So it will be him, 5 female co-workers and (hopefully) one male co-worker either at a restaurant or in a conference room, sharing a meal together. There will be significant personal conversation among everyone else in the room. Do you have any ideas/thoughts on how to handle those situations so that I deflect personal conversations, remain "detached" emotionally and not open the door for future relational bonding? Thanks!

Hi Rick - I am the unfaithful spouse, and I am in a new work situation with a large percentage of females. I have had emotional affairs in the past, so have a boundary in place to minimally respond to personal questions, and change the subject. How would you recommend I respond when a female co-worker asks me a personal question like "How old is your daughter?" or "How long have you been married?". I've been responding with as short an answer as possible, and not asking them a question in return, but I'm not sure if there is a better way to handle it.
Thanks!