She is back home but changed and won't admit it. Any intimacy with me is out of the question beccause she wants it with no one. But she did not get that way until after the AP broke up with her. After 2 years I barely get a kiss after a date.

I know this article was written to men, but just wanted to point out that wives can be sexually humiliated as well...especially when their husbands choose a younger, fitter woman for their affair. He tells me the emotional part was more important to him, but the facts are that the EA was quite short-lived, and the physical thing went on for many months. I am a woman, and an affair victim, and have had many of the same thoughts you mentioned. I might be wrong, but had this only been an emotional affair, I think I could've had an easier recovery. Who knows, I may never recover.

Hi Erick, I once read that the one who has an affair is often not GIVING what they need to in their marriage. It doesn't mean your wife wasn't GETTING what she needed from you, at least not initially. I know, it seems like irony. I was cheated on as well, after 18 years together. I, however, had been unhappy in our relationship for a number of years, but my husband insisted everything was "normal." All couples fight, and the fact that I thought it was too much didn't matter. My pleas for counseling were minimized. He had never cheated before, but then a "friend" from work became friendlier, and friendlier. He wasn't getting his needs met at home at that point, but mine hadn't been getting met for quite a long time prior.His invalidation of my feelings on it led me to shut down. So, I hope you are not feeling emasculated by your wife's affair. It may be that your needs were not being met initially. She may have gotten sucked into "the fog" before she could fully realize or accept that.

I had an affair when I reconnected with a childhood friend I hadn't seen in 20 odd years. We reconnected via Facebook. He was suffering from verbal abuse and disrespect from his partner (according to him). I was suffering from loneliness, feelings of being unwanted, unloved, unimportant, not special. My husband never made an effort to talk to me, touch me, hold me, nothing. I was in a marriage with someone who was a flatmate - we came home to the same house and shared the bills. But the affair only lasted for less than 3 months. He decided to make it work with his abusive partner and I decided to try with my husband. During that time, my husband realized he was losing me because of emotional and physical neglect, he realized he wanted me to stay and promised to change. There were so many times we cried for hours and prayed and fought and argued and cried... and kept on focusing on changing ...making things better... today, our marriage is different - it has taken a 360 degree turnaround and we are happy and very much in love. We are glad we didn't give up on each other. I am glad he didn't give up on me when I fell for my childhood friend. It was a mistake and I have and still do things to atone for my mistake... but we learned and my husband never takes me for granted anymore. I stopped communicating with the other man and he has no way of contacting me at all. We changed all our contact details. The man lives in another country. I also got out of all social networking sites to show my husband I mean it - having seen the changes in his behaviour, I, too, will dedicate my attention and my feelings only to him. We came out of that STORM that was supposed to tear us apart... much stronger and better. Some people say - TRUST can never be rebuilt. I simply do not believe that. Each person is different. I have never cheated on my husband prior to that incident and will never go down that track again. It was a one-off mistake that resulted to monumental changes in our marriage... a catalyst for all the positive changes that we are experiencing now. I DO NOT ESPOUSE CHEATING (OBVIOUSLY) BUT... this is how it happened for us, this lead to all the changes afterwards... sometimes, it is good to give second chances. Sometimes, there is no other choice but to let go. I hate it when hypocrites judge cheaters and put all the blame on them. I am a decent God-loving, peace-loving person - I am giving and generous to a fault. But all the neglect that went on for years drove me to an emotional attachment with my childhood friend who had words of support and kindness and made me feel special and important. It was THAT breather that kept me alive during my darkest hours. No excuses - I know it was still a mistake... but the difference as to why our marriage is stronger now and happier is because instead of blaming me for everything, my husband owned up to his mistakes, too....and made some changes upon himself. It worked because we are still together until now. And the resentment is gone. We are happy and it feels like we've only just got married for the first time. Marriage is a work-in-progress. When cheating happens, I urge people to stop blaming the 'cheating partner' and really evaluate their behaviour and attitudes, too. Cheating is often a result of unmet needs or abuse from the other partner... the WORK in order to save the marriage has to be done by both parties ... perpetual blaming and pointing fingers do not yield positive outcomes. It only aggravates the problem and hastens the separation process. Put your EGO aside, be humble, be forgiving and be willing to change. If the other party is genuinely sorry, trust can be rebuilt again... the saying once trust is gone it can never be regained is NOT TRUE. If it were, if second chances were not meant to be - - - then, God wouldn't have said forgive seventy times seven in the Bible. People make mistakes, we are all human. If we expect to be forgiven by God for our inequities, so should we have the heart and the willingness to forgive, to show mercy and not be hypocrites and not be quick to judge.

The initial discovery of my wife's affair was a body blow to me but the knowledge that it was common knowledge to many of our closest friends and her family was a twist of the knife. It is beyond belief that people I loved and cared for knew about my wife's affair and never told me about it. The affair has been going on for over 3 years so for all that time these people have socialised and interacted with me without saying a single thing. The only thing I can gain any comfort from is that a few friends broke contact with my wife and me because they thought what she was doing was wrong, did not want to tell me anything though as my wife had begged them to stay silent to avoid hurt to me, not sure if this was good or bad to be honest. I consider these people who knew about the affair and said nothing to be 'partners in crime'

Women in affairs do all sorts of nasty and hideous things in affairs. I did it with them and then I fell in love and it happened to me.

Don't believe these women. They're all lying.