I'm the unfaithful.. got pregnant.. kept the baby. divorced and then remarried to the same man I just got a divorce from. The first 3.5 years were incredibly tough. The father chose not to see the baby. He and I both knew the damages that it would cause us both. And it did. I met with him a couple of times to talk about the child when he asked if he could see her and we relapsed with kissing, but no sex.. still a relapse.. still an affair. He finally let my husband adopt her and that was the BEST thing ever. My final closure. I think I can honestly tell you that I have no idea where we would be this very day 11 years later if that hadn't happened. So, I cannot imagine how hard your situation is for you. Man I wish I had some really great advice but... My situation ended up for the best for all of us and I'm so thankful because the could have happens scared me so bad. Now, I will say that it's not over. Meaning, when my daughter is 18 (7 years from now), she has the right to reach out and meet her bio dad and go from there. And then the nightmare starts all over again. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Oh the tangled webs we weave. By the way, not only am I the unfaithful but I am newly betrayed too. 1.5 years into "healing." Hugs my far off friend..

I’m so sorry you are having to work through this craziness. I feel for you. I’d need strong boundaries for myself. I hope you can do this for yourself.

Don't do it. Do not hurt your wife again. It will take your wife and her healing right back to D-day and if these thoughts have already come up, I would STRONGLY suggest discussing them with another healthy man before you travel and asking yourself why you even care how she is doing.