Yes, that is something that I (as the betrayed) have had to remind my husband about. The state of our marriage (prior to his choice to reach out to other women inappropriately) was the way it was because of his issues to a high degree. In my disconnect with him I confided in and spoke to SAFE people and did not seek relief from other men etc. I felt the same way he did, but I didn’t choose an affair because of it. Did what I did by confiding in friends etc. help improve our marriage? No. But did my actions tear our world apart? No. The state of the marriage prior to choosing infidelity is generally not one sided. In that respect, I don’t feel that a betrayed spouse should feel they are at cause for a spouses detrimental actions.