thanks for the comment healing17 and for watching.  for starters, what help have you received?  it doesn't just take time, but what you do with the time and in that time that makes all the difference in the world.  if he's not received expert help, i fear it may be a long time and i'm not sure you'll be able to wait that long and tolerate his lack of compassion.   he's going to need something like our ems weekend or ems online before it really hits home.  if he doesn't get that level of help, then I fear he may not get it for quite some time.  so what help have you received and have you thought about the weekend or the online course?

sorry for the delay.  i was traveling for a few days. 

thanks for watching, posting, and for the extremely kind and encouraging words.  there isn't a ton of the site as we focus on the marriage and individuals healing.  it really varies.  the principles of forgiveness are still accurate and still applicable.  you'll need to forgive them, but you may not need or want to reconcile with family members for a while.  you may need space from them if you're pursuing your marriage and they are against it.   it really is very situational to be honest.  you should always forgive them for your own healing but you don't have to reconcile with them if

1. they are not safe

2. are not able to remain objective to you and your decisions

3. work to make recovery harder and are not supportive of your decisions (unless of course there is abuse then perhaps you need to give them some time in your heart and mind)

i hope this helps with some general understanding and suggestions. 

hi anna, not sure what exactly you're referring to but i'll take a stab at it.  the unfaithful can't run from their consequences of their choices. ie run from 1. tough questions, 2. facing the reality of a separation, or counseling, or recovery work 3. empathy 4. remorse 5. lack of trust and the list goes on and on.  many unfaithful want to run away or fight against those things and be angry that they are experiencing them and then take that anger out on their betrayed spouse.  it's a bit rediculous to punish our betrayed spouse for our choices right?  so it's about really owning what we've done and being willing to do whatever it takes to heal our spouse and heal ourselves.  when we walk into the pain of the betrayed, we choose to talk, take initiative, answer tough questions, answer accountability questions etc.  is this answering your question my friend?  happy to offer any and all clarity i can.  

work can be an ems weekend, or the free bootcamp, or expert counseling, or reading books, or finding accountability, etc.  it's about doing what they can to get healthy and stay healthy.  

hows that sound and sit with you?  did i answer it?

hi anna, not sure what exactly you're referring to but i'll take a stab at it.  the unfaithful can't run from their consequences of their choices. ie run from 1. tough questions, 2. facing the reality of a separation, or counseling, or recovery work 3. empathy 4. remorse 5. lack of trust and the list goes on and on.  many unfaithful want to run away or fight against those things and be angry that they are experiencing them and then take that anger out on their betrayed spouse.  it's a bit rediculous to punish our betrayed spouse for our choices right?  so it's about really owning what we've done and being willing to do whatever it takes to heal our spouse and heal ourselves.  when we walk into the pain of the betrayed, we choose to talk, take initiative, answer tough questions, answer accountability questions etc.  is this answering your question my friend?  happy to offer any and all clarity i can.  

work can be an ems weekend, or the free bootcamp, or expert counseling, or reading books, or finding accountability, etc.  it's about doing what they can to get healthy and stay healthy.  

hows that sound and sit with you?  did i answer it?