Up date and well I don't really know. we separated in January under the condition no dating and no sex with others she agreed and she said she needed to get away from the negativity to be able to think about what she wanted. I found a good councilor that I think would be good for us. after a month in our separation I approached her about what she though and if she was willing to try. after she said she didn't know I asked how long was I suppose to wait to just try. Her response was if you would like to date I would be willing to consider it. needless to say the hair stood up on my head. a feu weeks later I found out she was with another coworker who she swore was just a friend and was good to talk to. The counselor didn't say it but I could tell didn't buy it and talked about not having male friend to confide it. mid march she came clean, was talking to him before we ever got to the counselor a couple of weeks before we separated. She really liked him and wanted to see where it would lead. she couldn't take the negativity and needed to be somewhere positive. I filed for divorce. it was over three weeks later. she now want to try again but with conditions, basically she wants to get over it and concentrate on the future. I just can't do it that way it has to be done the right way working through both our problems. I have gotten to the point I feel I can go on alone and am tired of trying to pull her back to me, I don't think I believe it will ever be safe for me to trust her. I have told her to start showing me that you want to change and to do the work, through counseling, reading and watching your blogs, like I've done since this started trying to learn how to heal our marriage, me, and what to look for to see if there is real change and a chance to recover. I am months away from being able to start the divorce proceedings, the question before me is do I let her have the chance to show me change again or give up knowing I did every thing I could, endured humiliation after humiliation to try to keep my family together for my kids. I never wanted to get a divorce and prayed we could work it out, but like my counselor keeps saying to me it takes two dedicated to working together I need to think about I need to do next so I don't allow this to effect me poorly in shaping my future.

Your blogs have helped be me a great deal with understanding both sides of the situation, I have found shortcomings within my shelf as well as what I need to see from her to feel like there was hope from any movement towards a future , and wish I could have had the outcome yours did. I have little hope from this last try of hers, I don't know if she has or will really ever have her aha moment until it much too late.

Thanks for having the resources available.