Hi Samuel,
Thank you so much for this very insightful blog. It came for me at just the right moment. I have been struggling so much with feelings of hurt and pain and overall disgust with my unfaithful husband. A few weeks ago I had some good days where I was starting to see some hope through all the pain, but then the pain and hurt came back and it has been horrible again for me - like the feelings of my second D-day. But listening to your blog today is opening my head and heart to the feelings that I truly want to heal and that perhaps my "relapse" back to the pain was necessary for me to examine and absorb and see that the shattered dreams and horrific pain are serving a purpose - that is, to realize that I do NOT want to live the rest of my life in bitterness and resentment. My unfaithful husband has truly changed and is working very hard to prove his love and full commitment to me and our marriage, and listening to your blog made me realize that I do not want to throw away what could be a very wonderful and loving marriage because of me holding on and clinging to the pain. Thank you, too, for the suggestion of the book, Shattered Dreams; I am going to read it. As you know, Samuel, this is so VERY hard, but your blogs are so extremely helpful and always make me see that if I keep on feeling the victim in all this it is only going to lead to misery and a very bitter life. Thank you again for sharing your very wonderful and truly helpful insights, as they have made all the difference in the world and without them I doubt if my healing would have been successful. But with your blogs I can see and feel things much more clearly and I can't thank you enough.

Samuel,
Thank you for another great blog! This is a very timely message for me. I am 3 years post D-day and still struggling with healing, despite extensive counseling (marriage and individual), and self-help guidance. I know much of this relates to a lack of remorse and healing behavior shown by my husband. He had an EA with an employee who still works side-by-side with him each day. (He claims their relationship is purely professional now! Obviously this is a problem for me!) There was talk at his workplace that the 2 were having an affair, secret texts, deception, comparing me to her, even stating he wanted to be married to someone like her, etc. But he doesn't want to split. He says he wants our marriage and is going to marriage counseling but is not open to individual counseling at this time. He admits he "maybe crossed the line" and recognizes that it really hurt me, but he "doesn't think it was that bad." He has only admitted these things while in a counseling session and has failed to apologize to me in a heartfelt way or ask for forgiveness. Counselor #2 thinks he may not be able to apologize to me because he feels so much guilt. I know I made the classic mistakes initially, taking all the blame for our troubled marriage, and trying so hard to become the perfect wife. It took me about a year to wake up! Your blogs have really helped me understand his actions were his choice, not my fault and I deserve to have a healthy, respectful, loving relationship. Unfortunately it just might not work out for us. I also know that I will either get better or bitter. I do not want to become a bitter person.Your words describing how my shattered dreams can really help me become a better person bring me some solace. It would be a shame to waste this dark time....much better to come out a healthier, stronger person. Thanks again for your insight!