Ever catch yourself staring over that fence, thinking the grass is so much greener on the other side?

I did, and it nearly cost me my marriage. This experience ultimately led me to start programs at Affair Recovery, like Hope For Healing, that help people understand why we tend to look for greener grass in the first place.

I'm an old guy who's lived long enough to make some really dubious choices. Trust me, I've got the scars to prove it. But here's the one lesson I've learned after 46 years of marriage: The grass is NOT always greener.

To those of you who strayed from your marriage or are wondering if you should. Let me ask you a question: Is the grass really greener on the other side of that fence?

2 Types of Greener Grass

Greener grass comes in two types. First, there's the grass that looks so perfectly green, but that's because it's growing over the septic tank. Underneath that lush green is a soggy, smelly mess. And then there's the second type of greener grass. That's the grass that is simply green because... well, you water it.

If your own lawn looks patchy and dry, it's not because the other side is inherently better. It's because you haven't been tending to the health of your own grass. I learned this the hard way. I almost climbed that fence 40 years ago. The other woman listened to me. She laughed at all of my jokes. She seemed to get me in a way that my wife hadn't in years.

I started spending more time pouring into that person, fertilizing and watering that grass rather than working on my own lawn. This is it, I thought. This new person is my soul mate.

Thank goodness, I had a moment of clarity that pulled me back from that fence. I caught a whiff of the sewer gases and realized she had her own septic tank underneath. It was just a different shade of trouble.

Paying Attention to Your Own Grass

So what did I do? I decided to start watering my own grass! The results blew me away. I went home and owned my own failure rather than pointing out my wife's shortcomings. I poured into my marriage by grieving what my choices had cost her, rather than seeing myself as the victim. I began to focus on changing me rather than changing my wife.

I worked at becoming somebody I could respect because I never wanted to be that other guy again. I worked at truly loving and caring about my wife. I stopped looking over the fence and started tending to my own yard.

And you know what? That patchy grass started turning green again.

If you're spending your time dreaming about somebody else's yard or worse, sneaking over the fence, your own marriage is going to wither. And if you cross the fence that is built to protect you and the ones you love, you'll find what I did: septic runoff, methane gas, and a dumpster fire.

Before you climb over, water your own lawn first. Trust me, it'll smell a whole lot better.

If your yard feels beyond saving right now, I've got some good news. Our Courses at Affair Recovery are the best fertilizer you'll ever find for reviving your yard. They've helped thousands of others bring new life to their marriage. Marriages that feel like a barren wasteland can be saved!

One powerful and practical question I'll challenge you with today... What's one way you can begin to water your marriage today?