Rick: When it comes to sexuality, what do you see as one of the biggest barriers or hurdles women face in knowing and enjoying their sexuality?
Laurie: I think there's a lot, because it's so complex. Humans are complex. Women are complex.
I think fundamentally, there is a mixed message of who we are and what we are supposed to do. We might face challenges that make it hard to understand that there isn't a "right" or "perfect" way. Rather, we get to just "be." Exploring our self-expression, including our sexuality, can be liberating. But because of either what's happened to us or what's...
What's the value of your marriage? You might think it's pretty low right now if you are struggling through the aftermath of infidelity, but give this some legitimate thought. What's the value of your marriage?
I have a friend who says you can always determine what's important to people by looking at their checking account to see how they spend their money. What percentage of your income is allocated to your relationship? What about your energy withdrawals? What would that say about the importance of your marriage?
Another way to assess value is by time invested. Regrettably, most people probably spend more time planning vacations or their financial future than they do planning for and caring for their marital health and longevity.
Yet another way to assess what you value is to consider what you protect. You don't leave money laying around because...
Laurie: Many times during EMS Weekend, you and I get to lead groups of women, whether it's wayward or betrayed. You have a way of getting an important message to these women. Men need to hear this too. What is the message that you tell women on one of these weekends?
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Rick: I don't know that I always say it the same, but first, what you did in no way defines you, not in the least. Nothing you did makes you better than anyone...
Has a lack of knowing what to do ever made things worse? You can bet I've found that to be true. For instance, when I was a kid, a few close friends and I decided to go cliff jumping in the dark of the night. Our plan was birthed from watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. For some strange reason, we thought the excitement would be intensified if we leapt off the cliff in the dead of night. Can you imagine the rush from jumping off a 30-foot cliff not knowing when you'd hit the water? As you can guess, we failed to consider the ramifications of our night jump!
Hitting the water from 30 feet left me totally disoriented. In the dark, I had no way of telling if I was swimming up, down, or sideways, making it hard to find my way back to the surface. I was in a pickle. After about 45 seconds of...
As a psychotherapist, I've witnessed the devastating impact of infidelity on individuals, couples, families, and extended relationships. The betrayal can shatter relational safety, trust, evoke intense emotional pain, and disrupt the foundation on which a relationship is built. Amidst this turmoil, there is a path to healing and growth. One crucial lesson I've learned in guiding countless individuals and couples through this process is the importance of going slow in recovery. Today, I want to share why embracing patience is not only necessary, but also transformative in the tumultuous journey through infidelity.
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The only question we hear more often than, "Why?" is, "Now what?" The journey following infidelity can feel unbearable. We know how difficult it is to find a safe place where you can get help with your delicate emotions. The following is a letter I received from a recent EMS Weekend participant. I encourage you to read it all the way through. This letter was written by a betrayed man and shares his journey from disclosure to attending EMS Weekend to what life is like now. I receive letters like this from time to time and I consider them special gifts. I hope you'll draw the same hope and encouragement from the words of this betrayed spouse. - Rick
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Four years ago, I discovered my husband wasn’t who I thought he was. When he left the house, he didn’t secretly fight crime or possess any cool superpowers. Instead, he had lived a double life for over a decade.
I heard my parent’s generation speak about where they were when they learned that President Kennedy had been shot. Everyone remembers where they were when the news broke about the first plane crashing into the Twin Towers.
When the D-day grenade went off in my life, I was sitting alone in my car in the parking lot of Costco. I could hear everything and nothing all at once. An internal dialogue started to surface within minutes and it wasn’t pretty. I was not only preparing to wage...
Last week, while I was running an errand, I happened to run into one of our online course group leaders. We began to discuss one of my recent articles. I'm sure the tellers had their antennas tuned all the way up since we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond to it!
It was a fascinating conversation and one that included, "What do you say to someone who wants to confront the affair partner?"
Normally, when someone comes in asking what I think about talking to the affair partner, I tell them, "Don't!" Rarely have I seen any benefit to it. In fact, I've witnessed a great deal of harm coming out of such conversations.
What is the driving force behind the compulsion to speak to or confront the affair partner? Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to get out of our spouse/...
We hope it provides an example of the type of recovery work betrayed spouses do while they pursue healing.
Our society does not deal well with grief. It is the normal reaction to loss, but because our culture does not handle grief well, you may have never learned to deal with it. You may have unresolved grief from earlier losses that is compounded as you deal with this new tragic situation. It's important to realize that it is normal to feel intense grief after betrayal. Betrayal is loss. As a matter of fact, it is actually a whole list of losses.
Recognizing the losses associated with infidelity and giving yourself permission and ample time to grieve those losses are both critical to a successful recovery. This is true...
Melissa here. I wanted to take a second to share a moment I had this week, from watching the new movie Inside Out 2. For those of you who may have missed the first Inside Out movie, it's an animated depiction of a young girl, Riley, and her journey navigating her emotions, Joy, Anger, Sadness, Disgust and Fear.
In this second movie, Riley turns 13, hits the ever painful stage of puberty, and we get introduced to her new emotions: Anxiety, Embarrassment, Envy, Boredom, with an occasional visit by the emotion, Nostalgia, who simply wishes for the good old days. I know many of you wish for that, too. You wish for the good old days before, like me, you either blew up your life...
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