Robert, thanks for the post. the reality is, we tell couples to do disclosure with boundaries. meaning, get it all out, and get it all out at once if you can. you may need to take time out(s) often as well. we had to take a break for samantha to throw up and compose herself. we recommend having a qualified expert mediator there as well who can support you both and keep the situation calm, if possible. that's not always easy or even possible for couples to pull off, but if you can find someone who is 1. an expert 2. safe 3. going to support you long term it will make it easier. this article wil help for sure: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell I'd read the article and also ask her to read the article. this ebook will help as well on the truth about trust: https://www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust-0 it's vital that you know all the details, but details is a loaded word. meaning you need to know what you think you need to know, but not comparisons or information that's just going to give you unnecessary reminders. general details etc is what's important so you know it all, and know what you're forgiving and know what you're choosing to forgive and live with the consequences of. sure hope that helps you.