You Can't Cheat the Process When Healing from Infidelity

Samuel shares insight into what a process looks like when healing from infidelity.

Comments

Thank you for this latest

Submitted by Daniel on Wed, 06/19/2019 - 09:45

Thank you for this latest blog. Samantha and I are closing in on 3 years post d-day and I am grateful for AR. It’s always good to be reminded of the process as it is always a part of our lives. God bless your work and for continually being a light in the darkness.

hi Daniel...

Submitted by Samuel on Wed, 06/19/2019 - 09:51

people have no idea how these comments encourage me so much and give me so much hope. just means the world to me my friend. thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. have a wonderful day and keep going brother.

My husband is trying to cheat the process ...

Submitted by TMR (not verified) on Fri, 03/27/2020 - 08:47

Samuel ... I wish my husband had a friend like you. He needs a Samuel in his life! I think one deep conversation with you and he would be a changed man. This is where we are at right now ... He succeeded on small goals of not contacting AP. He feels so good about it and thinks he can handle things from here ... that general therapy is good enough.

He initially watched your videos and I could see how they affected him ... he promised to keep watching them and felt we should try EMS ... but of course, he backed out of all of that. He is now thinking he's got this. I'm not happy about it. I'm trying to be patient because I know it's all a process ... but that will only last so long. I can't feel fully safe again without his full efforts in recovery. And I can't live the rest of my life not feeling safe. I may love him .. but without hard work, I don't feel loved by him.

have you told him these thoughts?

Submitted by Samuel on Tue, 03/31/2020 - 12:08

perhaps it's time to tell him that you need these things, want these things and if he's not going to do these things you're not going to open up and be vulnerable with him? maybe the consequences of them will help him see the need to take your requests more seriously? these two pieces may help you with verbiage and approach: https://www.affairrecovery.com/dealing-infidelity-how-get-your-mate-cooperate-without-being-controlling https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.

Take the Affair Analyzer

What to read next

Recovery Work from Infidelity Can't Be about Control

Surviving Infidelity: When Your Partner Refuses to Address Their Blind Spots

As a Betrayed or Unfaithful Spouse, You Must Heal Yourself

How Does the Unfaithful Spouse View the Betrayed Spouse Who Chooses to Stay in the Marriage?

Minimizing Chaos & Hopelessness: Don't Make Your Own Affair Recovery Worse by Making This Mistake

Amber (New!)

Alumna, Grateful Wayward. Strong believer in small group recovery and the power of sharing our faith, experience, strength, and hope in community. Miracles happen.

Norman (New!)

Alumnus, betrayed. Be a voice of encouragement for those in pain and navigating emotional trauma. The journey to healing can seem impossible, but don’t ever give up as there is a light at the end of that tunnel. Please show yourself compassion, grace, and love.

Tara (Coming Soon!)

Alumna, betrayed. Healing from loss of betrayal, marriage, spouse, and the life I thought I had…to discover hope for new beginnings. As a Grief Recovery Specialist, I am passionate about helping others find hope again.

Comments

What type of affair was it?

What to read next

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Tara (Coming Soon!)