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Our Emergency Marital Seminar Online, better known as EMSO, isn't a one-size-fits-all program for couples. Over decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity, our methodology has been honed to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
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Comments
Add'l consideration
You accurately stated "Ask them what level of detail they would like and answer their questions" under the "let your mate decide how much information he or she needs" section. I suggest this also become a #3 under the "How much do you really want to know" section as this has HUGE potential to cause issues later down the road. As the betrayed, I remember asking questions which were very detailed; and some of the answers I still can't get out of my head TEN YEARS LATER. A reasonable response from my wife might have been "are you sure you want to know?" Simply put, I can't "unknow". And some information has simply proven NOT to be useful down the road.
Disclosure
I wish my husband would read this and follow the steps. We are 6 months out from Dday, the first 6-8 weeks after my husband drank (a lot) while intoxicated he said horrible things, comparing us physically, sexually, and emotionally. The things he said were devastating and you right you cannot unhear them, they ring through my head daily. We have a therapist, although we have to been in awhile, and I believe my husband is trying very hard to reconnect. His ap lives in the same small town that we do and is in some of the same social circles. She calls and leaves nasty messages, sends letter with vulgar details and magically shows up everywhere.
When I try to get details from my husband his response is always "I don't remember I was drunk". I'm left to fill in the blanks with the details she provides. My recovery feels like a roller coaster and at times I am not sure who or what to trust. Honesty has and always will be the best policy.
the lying is what is killing me
I found out through google timeline what all has been going on, when I confronted her she denied everything, we are 100% divorcing because of that, I didnt tell her everything I knew, but I made a very strong case that I knew she was having an affair, all I wanted was for her to say yes I am, but she said no, "I could see why you are thinking that" the blaming me continued, I signed a lease that afternoon and moved out 2 days later, she disgusts me and i'm very traumatized by the whole ordeal from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I hate her so much, I could have handled the divorce fine, but when I found out all the lying, my hurt went to another level
Still waiting...
Almost 3 years from Dday and we still haven't gotten through discovery. I appreciate the helpful topics today, I'm going to send this on to my husband in hopes he'll have an ah-ha moment. However I'm afraid it may be too little too late. All of the warnings you listed for failure to disclose are in fact accurate. I don't feel safe with him, It's been almost 3 years & I'm not even close to recovery, so many triggers and thoughts, trauma on the regs, intimacy (I don't even remember what that is anymore), I can't even remember the man that I married or what the good times were.
I feel like I'm finally at a place where moving on is the only answer, but I would still like the disclosure to help close up this wound myself and try to put myself back together. I've been in this hole far to long.
Disclosure
You are so right about having questions with no answers and then no trust. But what about continued lies? My husband just keeps lieing. He says there is nothing more with this woman, and then I find out he still sees her and talks to her, he even offered to help her move! I feel like he is holding on because he wants her back if things don't work out at home. I don't and can't trust him. Feel right now that he will never be trust-worthy again.
Disclosure part 1
All good points. But too late for me. Who knows enough before disclosure to use this information? Anyone who has not been betrayed likes will not be seeing this vlog.
Always behind the curve
I agree, we keep finding things that are very helpful, and provide great advice, but always too late, the damage is done. How to you go back and redo disclosure the right way when things already went so badly?
Discovery facts
Since the D-day whatever accounts my husband gave was layered with lies, even after eighteen months he cannot clarify most of the issues, he doesn’t want to discuss anything unless I force him, he is always looking for a good time which never comes of course. Honestly speaking I am loosing hope and interest as I believe there are lot more that he is still hiding or may be he is still maintaining his affair