I did it. Over the past few weeks I have taken the time to go into my prayer closet and grieve. I haven’t done it every day but I have done it at least 8 times over the course of two weeks and each time I leave feeling like a burden has been lifted. I have learned over time that it is true when people say grief is a process. It looks different for everybody. I am also beginning to realize that I have not fully grieved the loss of my mother and other emotional hurts from my past.
However, God has been with me during this entire process. One day on the way to see my...
Samuel continues his discussion on bitterness in today's video sharing what it actually does to you.
Samuel begins a new video series on bitterness and it's effects on recovery from infidelity and affairs.
Samuel shares a recent story where he had to utilize a valuable recovery principle.
Samuel discusses how to restore honor in the marriage seeking restoration following infidelity and affairs in today's video.
Samuel answers questions from betrayed spouses on dealing with their own self pity following the betrayal from infidelity in today's video.
Toward the end of EMS Weekend, we had one group session when they separated us into groups of only women and only men. Leslie was leading our women’s only group and she gave a lot of good advice that I took to heart. One of the things I distinctly remember her saying was,
"Life is going to get in the way. If you need to cancel lunch dates last minute because you are having a bad day, do it.”
I remember thinking, “I won’t have a problem doing this. I don’t have any weekly activities scheduled right now so I...
In today's video, Samuel discusses empathy and it's power in recovery to change the atmosphere of almost any situation following infidelity and affairs in a relationship.
Samuel shares ways to change particular marriage dances in recovery from affairs and infidelity.
I had a rough childhood. I grew up in a broken family and we were always very poor. My mother was married multiple times and had children with all of them. The guys were never good role models. I spent many years living with relatives when my mother could no longer take care of us. There was a time we actually lived in a house with no running water and an outhouse. I remember a day when the only thing we had to eat in the house was a half a jar of peanut butter. Not the best of times for a child.
When I was about 9 I came down with acute appendicitis. I was rushed to the...
Life is funny. I’m not talking about laughing till you cry funny, although there are plenty of times I’ve laughed till my cheeks ached and my belly hurt. I’m talking about ironic, where the heck did that come from, turn your life upside down kind of funny. I’m talking about crazy, way out in left field, life changing kind of funny.
Long before I married my husband, if the subject ever came up I would boldly and firmly declare to whoever was listening that I would never take back a man who...
Today, Samuel continues his video discussion on how to deal with the ambivalent spouse after infidelity.
Today Samuel discusses in his video how to disarm self pity and find personal healing in recovery from infidelity.
Samuel continues his video series on self pity with a pointed discussion and how it can diffuse momentum in restoration and personal recovery following infidelity and affairs.
Samuel begins a new series on the unfaithful's journey through self pity after the disclosure of infidelity and affairs.
Every program I have been through requires making goals to achieve desired results. When I was going through recovery from an eating disorder, we had to write out a vision statement. The purpose of this statement was to keep me inspired and on track. It’s also written in present tense as if I am already there. In the statement I include all of the feelings that I want to experience such as love, joy, peace, accomplishment, rest, and connection.
This is my vision statement concerning my recovery as a betrayed spouse:
“I wake up in the morning, excited to start a new day....
Is there such a thing as collective guilt and shame? Some would have you believe that there is. For instance, if children are in poverty all of society is to blame. The media would have you accept as true that if one cop is a rotten apple the entire police force is tainted. My daughter has teachers that punish the entire class for one student’s behavior. Everyone shares in their guilt. Rick refers to this as Group Shame or Social Shame where we are dishonored and ascribed the shame from someone else's actions. He discusses this in detail in Social Shame: Have You Been Dishonored? and Social Shame...
Samuel discusses the motivation for recovery following the discovery of infidelity and affairs, and why it's important to know why you're getting healthy.
Samuel gets pointed in today's video about the struggle to endure the consequences of infidelity and how to make it through to the other side of an affair.
Samuel tackles in today's video one of the most difficult scenarios in infidelity recovery: ambivalence.
In today's video, Samuel continues his discussion on safety in recovery and the two main components it requires. A follow up to: It's About Safety, Not Trust
This particular blog is especially hard for me to write as it is something I am still working through and it feels very raw to me. However, after reading many of the comments in the Community Forums on the Affair Recovery website I recognize the importance of speaking out. My main goal of this particular piece is for those of you also struggling with this issue to know you are not alone and there is hope.
In my last blog ("Acceptance") I mentioned being treated for PTSD, something I didn’t even know I had until recently. All I knew was that part of me was shut off. I was still me but a lesser version...
My husband was able to carry out both of his affairs without getting caught for a variety of reasons. First, he’s an accomplished liar. Second, even he says that I was too trusting. And I was. I just refused to believe that he would ever betray me. Third, we were sleeping in separate beds due to his snoring. That reason, in particular, made it very easy for my husband to sneak out at night to meet his AP. I can honestly say that I never once caught him either sneaking out or sneaking back in.
One of the biggest reasons he was able to cheat was the nature of his job. He doesn’t sit behind a desk...
While in recovery from affairs and infidelity, contempt can be a struggle for both the unfaithful and betrayed spouse. Today, continuing the 4 part video series discussing the four horsemen, I address contempt in part 3 of my 4 part video series and how to diffuse it.
GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.
Many unfaithful spouses, myself included, struggle with defensiveness after the discovery of their affairs and infidelity. Today, continuing the discussion on the four horsemen, I discuss defensiveness today in part 2 of my 4 part video series.
The ability for me to develop acceptance and compassion for my husband has been huge in my own recovery. I believe compassion and acceptance go hand in hand. According to the Oxford dictionary, the definition of compassion is "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others". The definition of acceptance is "the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered".
What drives a person to do something like this? They must be sick in the head, right!?! I believe that every human being has the ability to become a murderer, a thief, an adulterer, a slanderer, a...
Samuel continues the long awaited discussion on the four horsemen with a 4 part video series, starting with stonewalling. This is a common issues in many marriages, especially those recovering from infidelity and affairs.
Download the Time-Out Protocol Samuel mentions in the video.
Today Samuel shares in his video, the principle of healthy distrust which helps to prevent relapse in recovery after infidelity.
In today's video, Lynn shares an experience her husband and she had taking a walk in the park that metaphorically represented their similar journey in recovery from infidelity.
Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.
Samuel shares a humorous story in today's video about one of his therapy sessions with Samantha which changed the entire scope of their recovery following infidelity.
