Watch today's video from Samuel as he discusses what's essential in recovery after an affair and, shockingly for most, it's not trust.
We all deal with trauma differently. Some people haven’t had to deal with major heartache until finding out about their spouse's infidelity. Unfortunately, I had a traumatic experience early on in my life that shaped how I deal with trauma. I can always find somebody who has had a harder life than I have, but to dismiss the traumatic experiences I have had over my lifetime is not helpful to me or my family.
When my husband first disclosed his extramarital activities, I dealt with it in the way I always had, I stuffed it in. I mentioned in an earlier blog that...
Samuel shares in his video about his and Samantha's journey through abandonment and how it actually reset their lives while recovering from his affair.
In today's video, Lynn responds to Samuel's vlog Finding Gratitude as an Unfaithful and offers her perspective on finding gratitude as a betrayed.
Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.
Dr. Phil has wisely said that children should not be burdened with adult problems. My husband and I have always tried to keep our children out of our marital troubles, as for us, we felt it was paramount. As they were growing up we kept our disagreements about child rearing behind closed doors. We always put on a united front when the children were present and then hashed it out in private. We worked hard to ensure that our children were allowed to...
In today's video, Samuel begins a new mini series on abandonment in recovery from infidelity and affairs.
In today's video, Samuel shares more of his own personal journey into finding gratitude as an unfaithful spouse.
One reason why people cheat is what I like to call “conscience searing”. Here is an example:
Bob and Cindy
Bob and Cindy had great childhoods. They grew up in loving families with strong religious and moral backgrounds. Neither of them got into any serious trouble and both excelled at school. They met each other in college. They grew closer through the college years and before they knew it Bob had popped the question to Cindy. A joyful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon followed. They were madly in love and nothing would ever come between them. Things were good in...
Today Samuel discusses in this video, how to overcome the four horseman through what John Gottman calls 'repair attempts'.
GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.
In today's video, Samuel discusses the four horsemen in recovery including the #1 predictor of divorce in marriage and recovery.
I wrote this poem about a year ago when my husband and I were going through the EMS Online course, something which I highly recommend. I can honestly say this course was a marriage saver for us. I wrote it when we were barely six months past D-day. My husband was desperate for forgiveness and affirmation; I was desperate for hope and healing. My desire is that it will bring you some of both. Remember, you are stronger than you think, braver than you believe, and worth more than you feel. Never give up.
Bold = Words of the Unfaithful
Italic = Words of the betrayed
For months after D-day I agonized over the question “Why her?” Okay, to be honest, I’ve agonized over this question almost every day since my world was turned on its axis over twenty months ago. Why this woman? What was there about her that my husband found so alluring?
To be frank, my husband found her on Craig’s List. There was no picture so he didn’t have a clue what she looked like. They messaged through Craig’s List, then exchanged phone numbers and started sexting. It’s not as if they shared their...
Today, Samuel discusses in his video the latest questions by many of whether or not unfaithful spouses have triggers and reminders.
While Samuel fights many self wars, Samantha, his betrayed spouse, does as well. Today he addresses just one of Samantha's self wars.
From the beginning of recovery, my husband and I made the decision to have no more secrets between us. It wasn’t just my husband who needed to disclose things either. I had my own “inner struggle” I needed to share with him. For several years, we felt disconnected from each other and as I became more involved in church, I also felt more appreciated by other men. There was one in particular who made me feel extra “special.” At the time, it was obvious he and his wife were having their own struggles and I noticed her pulling away from our friendship. Luckily, nothing happened. ...
Today Samuel provides follow up to his first self war blog. What is Your Self War? - Part 1
Today i share a few key points on how to connect with your betrayed spouse through empathy and remorse.
Soon after D-day I started keeping a journal. I needed a way to express myself without feeling I had to watch my words. I could vent about my husband without worrying about being cruel. Browsing through the entries I’m struck by the anguish I read in my words, words filled with raw emotion, gut wrenching pain, and the agonized ramblings of a broken heart. I use gutter language and expletives that would shock those who know me. I’m reminded how D-day turned me into someone I barely recognize. I never knew I was capable of such vile words. I’m shocked at how quickly I went from a controlled, confident and capable woman to one out of...
Today I discuss how to handle reminders, or what seem like sucker punches to your recovery.
Have your dreams shattered? Maybe old dreams need to shatter to give birth to new dreams for you in recovery from infidelity.
Recently, I started a Bible study that is geared toward helping women who struggle with food, weight, body image issues, etc. We are beginning our twelve weeks together with a 40 Day Surrender. Much like Lent, we are being encouraged to find a habit or something we know is keeping us from going to God and being the best we can be.
I immediately knew what I was going to give up, and that would be television. However, it isn’t just me giving up television but the entire family, including my husband and kids. At first my husband wasn’t happy about it because I didn’t ask him first, I just made an executive decision....
Samuel discusses what it means to fight your own self war through recovery from infidelity. Watch What is Your Self War? - Part 2
Samuel discusses some pivotal moments of Samantha's recovery which helped save Samuel from himself.
After discovering my husband's betrayal, he worked hard and did specific things that helped me heal and move forward in our recovery from infidelity.
5..4..3..2..1…. Fire
At 12:15 am Friday June 18, 2010 Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed by firing squad at the Utah State Prison in Draper, Utah for the murder of an attorney 25 years before.
Although it’s always a tragedy when capital punishment is required very few people disagree with the ultimate consequences of Mr. Gardner’s actions.
In reading the news reports years ago, I was led to think about the times in my life when I faced serious consequences for my poor decisions. Most of them were caused by my failure to keep my priorities in correct order. The consequences I...
Samuel invites you into his own story of confrontation to paint a picture of what many spouses struggle with: Perception in recovery.
Samuel discusses a much needed principle in recovery: consecration from what doesn't belong in our lives.
Every time I walk into my counselor’s office he asks me, “What is God telling you?” Last week I knew God was telling me that I needed to prioritize my own healing and the healing of my marriage. This week, I feel God telling me, “Be brave. You deserve to enjoy every aspect of the life I have given you. You have to fight for it. There are forces unseen working against you.”
Currently, I am reading "A True Name” by Leslie Kim Wiese. In our last session, my counselor asked me, “What is your new name in light of all the trauma you’ve endured?” I prayed about it and the...
I will attempt to describe a tipping point in recovery work which can set the stage for long term success or failure when recovering from infidelity.
Samuel provides insight on methods to protect yourself as both a betrayed and unfaithful spouse.
