Thank you for all that you do.....its a lifesaver for many people. My husband is a Campus Minister and I found out some disturbing things about him and his relationship with female students. I have wanted to leave this marriage so many times but I do not feel it is right and I have no where to go. I feel like most days I am hanging on by a thread and desperately need the encouragement to get through the choice he made to be unfaithful in certain areas of our marriage.

D-day was March 26th. The day I’ll never forget I got a message from a stranger telling me my spouse was having an affair with his spouse. Since that initial confrontation, more were confessed and I find that only the first 6 months of our dating weren’t tainted with another person. I’m terrified to stay and terrified to leave.

It’s been too long and I feel it’s time for me to get out of my own head and do some work. I’m trying to be optimistic and live in the present. I still have anxiety and resentment that’s holding me back due to spouses affairs but things are mostly going well now I’m just stuck

First D-day was Aug 2010, Second d-day two weeks later (he lied about who the affair partner was and I did a whole lot of digging and put the truth together), Third D-day was Apr 2021. I still feel foolish for staying back then, but know exactly why I did. I always knew in my gut there was someone else and coaxed it out of my husband last year. I’ve worked hard on myself and was able to give him a safe space to tell me the final (?) truth and handle it with grace.

A year later I’m still struggling with all the years my husband told me I was his soulmate, the love of his life, how he’d do anything to make our marriage work, would give total transparency, that I knew everything, etc, all while he was holding on to at least one more indiscretion. He says it wasn’t even close to the same as the other affair because it was making out a few times, not sex. I understand what he means in his own mind. I think it’s all cheating, but yes, sex is a whole other level. It’s all not good though.

How could we be rebuilding a solid, respectful marriage when there was more out there he knew he was keeping from me? He says he didn’t tell me out of fear. I admit I didn’t handle things well the first D-days and had little emotional control at the time. That doesn’t change the fact a good marriage isn’t built on lies and I think he should’ve cared about that. He knowingly kept deceiving me while telling me rebuilding our marriage was his goal. So I think those years were wasted and fake. He disagrees.

I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the changes I’ve made within myself. I’m not proud that I can’t let the affairs go and I still have this feeling I may not know everything.

I don’t know if I’ve been in denial, am naive or if things have truly changed (for the positive) between us. My husband is a changed man in many, many ways and a much better husband. Our closeness is what allowed me to give him the safe space to tell me the “final” truth. He says he felt tremendous relief at getting that final confession out and yet still feels tremendous shame about the full-blown affair. I’m past the point of wanting him to hurt like I have and hope he works through the shame. I want peace for him. Most of the time we have a great partnership, friendship and good marriage. Until I’m triggered that is.

The most recent D-day (2021) was regarding something that happened before the full-blown affair of 2010. He says I know everything now. But I have a nagging feeling that comes up when I’m triggered that he hasn’t been completely honest. I thought knowing what he told me last year would be the final piece and I’d move on, but of course never forget. Now I have this strong feeling he hasn’t told the truth about how often he had sex with the full-blown affair partner. I know what he told me back in 2010. When I asked him a few days ago he said he has no memory, he’s completely blocked everything out and is filled with so much shame he doesn’t want to go back there. I find it hard to believe he can’t remember how many times he had sex with her. I asked was it one time or 10 times? He said far less than 10 and he’d say 1-4 because he remembers two but wants to leave room for more because he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to lie to me in case it’s more than two. What? I’ve asked since then if he’s remembered anything and basically he’s not willing to go back there. It’s too shameful and painful.

Because it was 12 years ago I’m struggling with is this fair to him and is there any point? Am I continuing to find things to question because it keeps it alive for me? My true thought is that I’m subconsciously testing him to make sure he’s finally telling me the entire truth. And that doesn’t seem healthy. I’ve let things go for so long and it turns out our marriage rebuilding was a sham for years and years. My husband doesn’t see it that way, but I do. I love him, I see so many positive changes in him and I believe he’s committed to me and me only. The thing I’m not sure of is if he’s being completely honest about the past. When do I let it go?

My husband of 22 years and I were drifting apart to the point we weren't even talking to each other in January of 2021. I have to admit I was holding out hoping he would break the silence but he didn't so in February I did. We began talking about our marriage & what needed to change. I was hopeful until I realized he was acting totally different regarding his phone. He went from caring less if he had it or not to keeping it with him 24/7. So when he was in the hot tub one morning & had left his phone inside I went through his texts and discovered he had been having an affair with a co-worker since the beginning of 2021.

Since then we have been committed to restoring our marriage. It has been incredibly hard & beautiful at the same time. The reason I am considering the Harboring Hope program is that I am still triggered (not as frequently) by things causing me to relive the discovery and pain all over again, many times it feels like it's coming from nowhere. My husband & I are currently having issues with intimacy because it seems we are reacting to each other in a horrible painful cycle & we're not sure how to break it. He has decided to begin counseling this week which I'm grateful for. I want more than anything to heal from this trauma and fully restore our marriage to what God has planned for us.

We've been married for almost 20 years but "together" since 1994, our 8th grade year. He's been my one and only everything from my first kiss onward. I thought I was also his one and only. I was wrong. There have been other women several times since 1999. I keep trying to hold the relationship together and had thought I was forgiving him, but it's just been festering and fostering so much damage to my soul. I don't know if I can, or if I want to, try anymore.

Hello,
I am permanently disabled - I'm 41 years old and have been disabled since I was 33 - and have no children at home. I live in a rural area and spend the vast majority of my waking hours alone. I'm isolated, in need of support from other betrayed women, and to be entirely frank - I'm lonely.
We have less than zero disposable income so paying for Harboring Hope is out of my reach, but I know I would GREATLY benefit from it.
THANK YOU for all of the free content and resources you have already provided - I appreciate you so much!

My husband and I have been working on our marriage for approximately the past year and a half. I have had an on and off affair that initially occurred in 2008.
It was with my husband's friend. My husband has tried being friends with this man afterwards (his friend was urging my husband to rekindle the friendship, i have been supportive of it. Not because i want to continue the affair, but because i want to right the wrongs) but my husband can't get past the affair despite his efforts.
This creates an all new hurt for my husband. He doesn't know whether to believe that I am just being a supportive wife or I am having feelings for my ex affair partner. As much as I tell my husband that I am committed to working on the relationship, it does no good. He hasn't begun to trust me (which I can't blame him).
I need some help to get my husband and my marriage back!

I have been with my husband for 39 years, married for 36 of those years. I have had doubts and insecurities our entire time together. I was always very open to him of my fears and total disapproval of infidelity. He has always assured me that he would never do that to me, I am his world, I mean everything to him, he could never live without me. I have always believed him and trusted him. When I contracted HPV he asked me what had "I" been doing. He even, to this day, talks about his disgust of men who betray their wives. About a year ago I inadvertently found evidence of my husbands infidelity. I had never even looked for it before, I was so naive and so trusting. When I showed him he immediately became angry and wanted to know why I was looking through his things. He continued to deny he had ever did anything. I played a hunch and pressed. He finally admitted to a couple instances. Things never seemed to add up from my memories and what he confessed. I continue to get tidbits of information but only if I press. It also comes at the price of the silent treatment for a long duration of time. As long as I don't ever ask any questions and pretend things are fine, he is happy. What I don't know won't hurt me. We live in a small town and I have to see his "opportunities" whenever I/we go anywhere. I am being consumed with depression and nightmares. We have been to individual counselors and couples counselors. The couples counselor constantly gave reasons/excuses for his actions. I felt constantly beat up because she said that I knew throughout our marriage by my insecurities and as a result I enabled his actions. I just want the truth.

I found out about my husband's affair from his affair partner on May 13th of this year. She and I had become friends at my husband's urging as they were old friends from high school. He said we would get along great. She actually contacted me to tell me what had been happening because suddenly she felt used and thought I should know what he had been doing. Needless to say, I was devastated. She answered all my questions and said she was sorry for she had done and told me I should confront my husband. I was literally shaking at the realization of what she was telling me. That night my husband and I were going to a marriage conference at our church and my whole world felt like it just crumbled around me. I'm not sure how I got through that night nor the next day of the conference. I'm still terribly ambivalent about the marriage. He immediately stopped seeing or messaging her and has not since. However, I don't know how to move forward. My husband and I did the Boot Camp together and that seemed helpful, but I just don't know if I can do this. I feel like I have to somehow deal with and get over the actual things he said and did; then I have to deal with and get over the lying, deceiving, and manipulation; and then I have to somehow get my head around the fact that during his unfaithfulness, our marriage was doing well--we were communicating better than ever; we were doing things together; I felt closer to him than even when we were first married; and our sex life was great. I feel like I obviously can't trust him, but I also feel like I can't even trust my own feelings. The pain of his betrayal has been crushing. He wants to save our marriage. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I think, "I just can't do this!" I'm really praying that Harboring Hope can help me. I'm praying it will truly give me some hope, even a thread of hope that I can get through this. When I think of saving our marriage, I think I can't see how after what has happened. I need help with dealing with his affair and the damage it has caused to our marriage. So much that was sacred to US, no longer is. So much was destroyed; I'm just not sure I can do this. I really want to take the Harboring Hope course because maybe that can show me how.

I don’t even know where to start. Lol.
I “laugh” but this is so far from a laughing matter. 12 years of marriage and the crazy part is that it feels like there been no marriage at all. And I get it. That’s my Trauma and grief speaking, but it’s how it feels. After finding out about my husbands multiple affairs (all different types-name it) sometimes it’s an accomplishment to just make it through one more day breathing and grateful that I didn’t have a mental breakdown. I’ve known about some of his double life, before his big confession on May 31st, and I definitely had him caught in other situations throughout the years, but I believed the lies and the manipulation and now I’m just here, pissed, and hurt, and trying to hold on to the small glimmers of hope that I have that it’ll be worth any effort of ours to fight through this thing and uphold our covenant to each other and God. To say I’m fed up is an understatement. And yet I still know that with healing, and therapy, and the true work and effort that needs to be made by BOTH OF US we can come out of this…I hope. I’m glad I found affair recovery- the material has been mind blowing so far. We both plan on registering for our separate courses with the hopes that this will be the catalyst for change in our marriage finally! Because something HAS to give. It can’t stay the same anymore.

I am struggling to say the least. I first found out my husband was a sex addict 4 years ago. He swore he told me everything. We entered couples counseling. Two years later, I found evidence of more he had not told me. This time he unloaded what he said was everything. I spent 2 more years processing and healing only to be broken again 2 months ago. I’m lost. I’m broken. I’m angry. Counseling isn’t helping. Partners of sex addicts group meetings spend so much time on co-dependency which I’ve established is not my issue, and it just hurt more to attend. I’m trying to grieve. I’m trying to heal… but I’m losing. I need help to learn how to get through this without becoming more bitter and angry. Please help me rebuild this destruction that has become my life.

Thought we were nearing the finish line, but now we're back at start! Don't know which way we're running.

I've known about my wife's affair for 8 months now. It still hasn't ended to my knowledge. I've done everything I can to heal myself and repair my marriage but it takes two and the work on the other end is barely being done. Affair Recovery videos has been the biggest blessing in keeping my sanity and understanding this process. I'm losing hope and patience for my marriage and I owe it to myself, my wife, my marriage and especially my 3 young children to exhaust every option to keep myself healthy and try to save my marriage. I need a path forward be it divorce or reconciliation. Thank you all for the amazing work you do. Truly a lifesaving blessing.

My husband of 22 years appears to be a sex addict. We have 9 children, and I am shocked at the risks he took that have now affected our children as well as me. I am trying to better understand what he is going through and why he is like this. Help!

I've been with my husband for 16 years since I was 18 and he was 20. We've always had a loving relationship - although I suppose I am a bot bossy - but the couple everyone said would be together forever. I felt safe, I felt love, I felt like a real team how couldn't it work out.
We have had rough patches but always knew we would get through. The hardest part was this happened when I thought we were at our happiest. Money and work was finally much easier, we were not far from having our much longed for second child. We now have 2 very beautiful boys of almost 6 ans just turned 1. I found out about the affair about a month after my baby was born. It had started whilst I was still pregnant. I was devastated. A complete mess. I forgave ans tried to get past it when he assured me it was over. I found out in November he was doing it again and kicked him out. A crumpled mess again. He came back at Christmas promising this was it and it was all over. I recently found out again...2 days before a family holiday he still hadn't stopped. Also up to now I thought it was more of an emotional affair with only a few kisses. I recently found out he slept with her in December. I suspect more but he denies it. One of the worst things has been multiple disclosures. I've been assured again and again that I "now know everything" ans turns out I don't. Most information has come from her husband which has devastated and humiliated me. He has only confessed to things when backed into a corner. He believes that he fell in love with her but has even used the phrase to me "it was like when we first got together". He claims he loves me and wants me not her but I don't trust he can get himself together or that I can heal without help.
He is the absolute last person I or anyone would expect to do this - especially on this horrible scale. I'm devastated and need help. Love from the uk, Sam x

My 10 year anniversary is August 10th. I have a 4 month old baby, 4 year old and 9 year old. Trying to help heal and recover while my husband is a SA and trying to determine if we can salvage our marriage. I need this course but cannot afford it currently. Hoping I get picked! Thank you for all the free resources and bootcamp!

I lost my husband to his affaire partner. And now I’m looking to find hope for me! I don’t want to think about him when I wake up and I don’t want to think about him when I go to bed. I want to think about me. And nobody can help me! Not my family, not my friends, not my therapist. You are my last hope!

My husband abandoned our plans have his ex send their 2 kids and went to stay with them and her in Canada. He broke his word to stay at a hotel or try to bring the kids back in 1-3 days, and by the 3rd week was saying they'd been married all along to cover for the betrayal.

This was all around my 8th month of pregnancy.

Now, ive stated we're on the path to coparenting in response to his excuses. He's coming around with Acceptance yet I need to feel safe with the decision and not coerced, as the ex is highly manipulative and has made every attempt to conspire and sabotage the relationship at this point. He wants cowives and I wouldn't be opposed to it were she not toxic, using children as a bargaining chip etc, and if he were more mature and respectful.

However, I can only control myself and would like all the information and support I can get to maintain our otherwise happy new 2 parent home for the newborn.

Thank you.

My husband of 18 years was in an affair and recently moved out. He says he is no longer seeing her, but I know that not to be true. There is so much conflicting information out there of what to do and what not to do that it is confusing. I am trying to take it day by day and thankful our communication is still open and he is willing to do things with the boys and I. I truly believe my husband is a good man, and I see glimpses of the “true him”. I love my husband and want to work to restore our marriage and family, but know I need to also put boundaries down to protect myself and my kids.

Please help, I the husband has had multiple affairs,the last 2urs mywife and I have dived into understanding or trying...We tried some counseling it was tough due to COVID-19 wea re still working on it,30yrs and counting,I really am starting to know my wife but I know she need help to and won't go for it, probably more then me.We have Three daughters 28/19/14,no one on knows and it's been horriblely difficult.... please help.
We follow you all ,we have learned a lot and has kept us going,but we need professional help. We love you all for doing what you do,it has changed me forever....911...Noe Hernandez

Sick and tired of being SICK and TIRED!!!!
No support and lost on what to do anymore.
Need Hope! 🙏🏼

My husband for 19 years just moved out from our marital home last night. He had an affair and he can’t get her out of his mind. He stayed in ambivalence for a while where he doesn’t know what he wants for several months, a week ago, he told me he wants to work it out with me and be transparent, but it never happened and after a week, he decided to move out to clear his mind. He’s been repeating this pattern for months and months, I came to the conclusion that I need to save myself from this limbo. I don’t want to waste my time anymore and I want to heal from the damage to my soul and move forward with my life.

My husband had an affair. I found out. I’m devastated. We are working on our marriage and I am working on forgiveness. Sometimes it feels hopeless. Sometimes it feels like there is still enough there to hang onto and start fresh. I’m really struggling. I’d love the opportunity to participate in Harboring Hope…

I never really know what to say or how to start when it comes to talking about this. Like, really, what do you say…? I’d love to do the harboring hope class. Some days are easy. Some days are not. My husband is doing the 17 week course for him and has been encouraging me to do this course so I can start feeling better. I want to start feeling better. So here’s to hoping I get chosen this month.

I am hoping to find support and connection as I try to find a path through this painful and confusing time.

My husband and I have been married for 21 years, high school sweethearts. About 4 years ago I was dealing with some of the worst years of my life, chronic illness in my child, stage 4 cancer with my mother and my husband had an affair. It was like being kicked while I was down and he has been kicking repeatedly ever since. While we love each other very much, we are struggling to get through Al of this mess. I need help.

Seeking my healing

It has been 3 years. I am still struggling to feel a connection to my husband. I am still triggered. Sometimes I recover in a flash from a trigger but other times I get completely flooded and stuck. I'm tired of this cycle and I'm tired of feeling so disconnected.

I had suspected for years that my husband bad been unfaithful. He lied and lied. Things went from bad to worse. His drinking increased and i was at the end of all hope it would ever work out. Then came dday. June 6 2022. My whole world felt shattered. His memory of events was so distorted from the 10 years of alcohol that full disclosure from him wasnt even a possibility. I had so much to already try and forgive that multiple affairs had now entered the top of my list. I have 4 kids and am really struggling with how to make peace with it all. I can work towards forgiveness but the constant reminder i feel everyday is soooo hard to try and move forward when i feel like it would be like flicking the wrong light switch and id be at another dday.

My husband disclosed his infidelity while I was pregnant with our first child last year (after having previously suffered a miscarriage earlier in the year). My whole world went up in smoke. Not because the concept infidelity seemed so farfetched...after all, he'd done this before we were married. It was the fact that yet another happy moment was tainted and stolen from me. I was depressed for the majority of my beautiful pregnancy. Deja vu. I'd discovered his first infractions three weeks before our wedding, then again a month before our first anniversary. We did everything to fix it--therapy, books, church counseling, etc. and yet it was happening all over again. I was shattered and ashamed that I'd stay to let this happen again. And now when I was "trapped" with our baby girl on the way. It's been 10 months and I have worked hard to be able to be happy in my new role as a mommy. It's time to do some healing work, so I can be healthy for my girl and me. Here goes nothing....