I see how she's struggling everyday and I'm trying to help as much as possible.

I would like to go through Harboring Hope. 12 years ago my husband and I attended an EMS seminar and I thought we both learned a lot and grew. Now during the last few months he left me and our family to "work on himself" but instead began dating a friend of mine. I feel betrayed by him and by her. I need to find my way again because I feel blind-sided. It is getting hard to leave my house and to participate in life. I tried my best to grow but right now I question everything. I wish I had done Harboring Hope back in 2012. I wanted to but made the marriage and family more important than myself.

I am entering the drawing for a chance to attend Harboring Hope. It has been just over two years since the discovery. We hadn’t been getting along very well and I was no longer putting up with this childish behavior and antics. I have decided that the tantrums, name-calling, breaking/throwing things, baseless, accusations, and blame for things I wouldn’t ever consider doing needed to be nipped in the bud. He felt that I was being mean and uncooperative with my new attitude and boundaries. Therefore, he thought it was a good idea to hire as a helper, a local lady who is a friend of ours ex-wife, and has quite the reputation for consorting with married men. I was unaware of this work arrangement as he was working an hour from home. The morning he left, he kissed me. Goodbye, told me he loved me and said he will be back in a few days with the money to pay the bills as they were getting behind. I wasn’t working because he wanted me to take care of the family at home. A mutual acquaintance that he confided in about this had been trying to give me hints the two weeks before this discovery. Finally, she said we should go down there and that would prove it either way. I agreed, and to my complete shock and devastation she was right. That night is forever etched in my mind like a slow motion playing movie. What I witnessed left me speechless, and I was instantly in survival mode, and believe I have been ever cents. He was gone for about two months. He came back on the premise of wanting to say hi and talk, but we really didn’t talk about everything like I wanted to. I patiently waited and would bring it up as I had found and read the texts, Snapchat, and messages between them. It read like a story. I found various papers with notes and information. Armed with this information, I began to question different events and timelines, to which he would get defensive and ultimately shut me down. There were a couple of occasions where he did talk about a few things, but never to my satisfaction. I have so many questions, and I can’t process what happened without knowing where his mind set was and basically taking that information and putting myself in his shoes and walking through it myself. As of right now I am unable to believe anything he says. I can’t even nail down who ended it which to me is very important. Her ex-husband, our friend, would stop over and visit me with his girlfriend and tell me what he had heard either through her or their kids. I can’t continue to live like this. I am completely devastated and I feel like my soul has been ripped in half. Some days are better than others, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I wonder about the different things I was told by others and many of the things he told me don’t line up with what I read, which leaves me in a place of confusion, because what I read, showed me the relationship from beginning to end and seem more realistic than what he has told me. With all the truth, I will never be able to move forward with him. He doesn’t seem to understand the importance or maybe he does but it’s more important for him to control how it looks. I filed for divorce once, but stopped it. I’m about to file again. This is no life, I think it’s cruel to not disclose everything necessary for me to make the decision on which way to go. I am hoping that your Harboring Hope course will help me deal with this and regardless of what happens with the disclosure, I’ll be able to move in whatever direction I need to confidently.

We had a beautiful family I thought ....... My children are wonderful but after many struggles, I now know believe my husband cannot be faithful to me. After stuffing my knowledge of this and surviving his addiction to porn and at least one prostitute that I know of and actually believing in his recovery, the evidence now shows signs of not a full recovery. I don't want to go through this again. I feel stupid. Why did I stay this long. I want out but can't see myself hurting my children with this knowledge.

Thank you for all your offer to help those of us in these painful situations. I would very much like to attend Harboring Hope. I have experienced severe betrayal trauma from my husband's (primarily) emotional affair with his coworker, whom he still works with! That is an ongoing open wound for me that they still work together. My trauma/ptsd cycles have been severe. It's been four months since Dday, and two months since he stopped lying about it (trying to protect himself). This created a situation where I can't really trust that I've heard all of it. He's gotten frustrated and his attempts to comfort me have dried up. While I believe, when I'm calm, that nothing new is happening, I still fear that it might happen again as well as suffer cruelly that it happened at all. We've been married 34 years and nothing like this happened before. Him still working with a woman who helped turn a wonderful, devoted husband and father into a man who risked everything and betrayed me and our marriage is a constant source of pain and fear. I need help! Thank you.

Just last week, I found out my husband has been in an online affair for almost a year. After finding this out, he also admitted to me that he had sex with a woman before we were married but while together. We have only been married just over two years (together for 7). I can't believe this is happening already or at all. I'm broken and shocked. I felt so safe with him. My ex was a cheater and I swore I would never stay with a cheater again. But here I am, I love my husband. I do want to fight for our marriage. I'm feeling like a crazy person most days so far, emotions up and down all day long. It seems like I am seeing signs from God about fighting for my marriage so I am hoping to be able to do the work and heal, move forward and have a better marriage than we had. I think this course would help me a lot. I hope to be able to join and heal.

It’s been almost 6 months since my husband of 15 years told me he was unfaithful a week before our wedding and all throughout our marriage with 5 different women, one who I thought was a friend. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d write that about us. I made the decision to stay and fight in the midst of excruciating trauma and while I still want to fight, I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of hurt that I can’t seem to escape from which is resulting in it continuing to hurt me over and over again. I’m absolutely exhausted. I feel so alone. While my faith is strong, my hope feels weak so from all I’ve read and the promo videos I’ve watched, I feel like the Harboring Hope course will help me break free from this brutal cycle so I can move towards building something new. Thanks for the chance to win some hope, it’s so greatly appreciated.

My husband and I have been together for about 5 years. Married for two years. Over the past three years I have discovered bits and pieces of his unfaithfulness that he lied his way out of. Shortly before our second anniversary I found women on his phone and got another false confession of half the truth. After that I found it all in his phone. He has lied since he met me. I do not want to divorce as it would betray my values but I can hardly look at him. I do not know who I am married to and I feel like I don’t know myself. This is the most painful and scary thing I have gone through in my life.

I just found out on Saturday that my husband was cheating, today is Thursday so the wounds are still fresh. I found out because he left a screen on his laptop open and I saw that he had a woman’s profile up. When I clicked on his profile, that’s when I saw he’d uploaded photos of his genitals and videos of him having sex with and getting oral sex performed on him by other women. It’s one thing to find out he’s cheating, it’s a whole other thing to see if with your own eyes. In your house. In your bed. Just writing this is dizzying and those images are burned on my eyelids.

Since then, my heart has been racing like I’m having a panic attack. I’ve been nauseous. And I alternate between deep, deep sadness and overwhelming anger.

I believe he knows he’s supposed to take responsibility, but he’s struggled with doing that while also reminding me that our marriage before the cheating wasn’t great and I played a big part in our unhappiness.

My faith is important to me. I know that God has forgiven me of so much—and sent his son to die so I can live in heaven—that I must forgive my husband. I know I will eventually do that, but I’m concerned that I will never want to have sex with him again.

I need help and this site and the videos give me a small glimmer of hope.

Seeking gratitude in brokenness, and a path forward from pain. It isn't an easy journey, and I'm seeking support and help to ease the grief and burden of the process. Thank you for offering this life-changing course.

My husband of 32 years had an affair for 3 months before I found out via anonymous letter. He does not want to leave the marriage for her but he did fall in love with OW and it’s been rough ending it with her. He also has incurable cancer and will need treatments and care and his life will be shortened. I still love him but I can’t help but feel like I’m denying him of true happiness during the last years of his life. Things have really not been the same during this reconciling period and we have been stuck in the middle for the last 8 months because he does not want to end our marriage, but he also does not want to end his affair. He keeps coming back and giving me hope, but then returns to her after realizing he’s unhappy with me. I still love him and think about the end stages of his life. It’s hard to walk away.

My husband and I have been married almost 17 years. About a year ago things really started getting rough in our marriage. He was upset over my manipulation and control and I became upset over his (I thought inappropriate) friendship with another woman. We had many arguments and he decided we should do some sort of a separation. Since then, he has continued to separate himself more and more from me, and is currently planning to move into a camper trailer. I very much want our marriage to be healed but last I knew, he feels very ok with his friendship with this other woman and feel hopeless about our marriage. I so need wisdom on how to be able to heal, whether to take a stand on if he wants a separation then he needs to really separate instead of sticking around, or to try to totally leave him to make his own decisions in his own time. I have drawn very close to God during this time. If it wasn’t for Him I don’t know how I could still be hanging in there.

Walking through the valley with community.

This journey has been a very long and difficult season in my life. Just over 5 years ago my oldest daughter (at that time age 16) came to me and said “mom, I need to tell you something..” I knew exactly what she was going to say. A few days prior she was at her boyfriends house, clicked the messenger app and it, for some reason or another, logged into her dads account and she discovered what I had suspected for some time, her dad was having an affair. This was a couple months before our 21st wedding anniversary.

We had just moved to a new state the year before, I had no close friends, just acquaintances, no family and no support.

This was the beginning of the most heart wrenching, devastating and unpredictable reality of my marriage and life. And something I’ve had to walk out alone even though I’ve tried to find consistent, compassionate and reliable help.

At this point I have little to no hope in my future, I’m full of insecurities, and I’m desperate to put this season behind me already.

Will I ever find healing?

Stuck in the storm

It's been a little over a year since I found out about my husband's infidelity. Though his affair was not long it left a huge whole in my being. Being a mother of two, finding out the affair in the midst of Post Partum depression with our third. I haven't had a chance to come up for air.
I am alive but I am dying instead. Everyday is a new question a new battle with myself. A new reason why I am not good enough. We are working on reconciliation and he has been far from supportive up until recent. He enrolled in the Hope for healing program as a last resort. He is making so many positive Changes and I still feel like I'm in quick sand. I've done courses. Reading. In group coaching. All of which have helped momentarily but I am right back to where I was.
With struggling with the infidelity I am also at war with anxious attachment and codependency of my spouse. All and all I feel like I'm drowning. I can't catch my breath. I am looking to get my life back. I need my life back. My children need their mother. I want to wake up in the morning and be at peace. Realize I'm in control of my life. That this doesn't have to be the end all for me. I need to feel free of this. I need tools that I can carry with me onto my children.
This course is my last hope. It's my only hope

I’d love to take this course based simply on the concept of “don’t let pain of the past amplify the fear of the future” when I read that in the resources it stuck with me. I journaled about that quote alone to jump start my grieving process. That’s the “hope” I’m now holding on to