Affair Recovery

I did it. Over the past few weeks I have taken the time to go into my prayer closet and grieve.  I haven’t done it every day but I have done it at least 8 times over the course of two weeks and each time I leave feeling like a burden has been lifted.  I have learned over time that it is true when people say grief is a process.  It looks different for everybody.  I am also beginning to realize that I have not fully grieved the loss of my mother and other emotional hurts from my past.

However, God has been with me during this entire process.  One day on the way to see my...

Samuel begins a new video series on bitterness and it's effects on recovery from infidelity and affairs.

Samuel discusses how to restore honor in the marriage seeking restoration following infidelity and affairs in today's video.

Toward the end of EMS Weekend, we had one group session when they separated us into groups of only women and only men.  Leslie was leading our women’s only group and she gave a lot of good advice that I took to heart.  One of the things I distinctly remember her saying was,

"Life is going to get in the way.  If you need to cancel lunch dates last minute because you are having a bad day, do it.”

I remember thinking, “I won’t have a problem doing this.  I don’t have any weekly activities scheduled right now so I...

Samuel shares ways to change particular marriage dances in recovery from affairs and infidelity.

Life is funny. I’m not talking about laughing till you cry funny, although there are plenty of times I’ve laughed till my cheeks ached and my belly hurt.  I’m talking about ironic, where the heck did that come from, turn your life upside down kind of funny. I’m talking about crazy, way out in left field, life changing kind of funny.           

Long before I married my husband, if the subject ever came up I would boldly and firmly declare to whoever was listening that I would never take back a man who...

Today Samuel discusses in his video how to disarm self pity and find personal healing in recovery from infidelity.

Samuel begins a new series on the unfaithful's journey through self pity after the disclosure of infidelity and affairs.

Is there such a thing as collective guilt and shame? Some would have you believe that there is. For instance, if children are in poverty all of society is to blame. The media would have you accept as true that if one cop is a rotten apple the entire police force is tainted. My daughter has teachers that punish the entire class for one student’s behavior. Everyone shares in their guilt. Rick refers to this as Group Shame or Social Shame where we are dishonored and ascribed the shame from someone else's actions.  He discusses this in detail in Social Shame: Have You Been Dishonored? and Social Shame...

Samuel gets pointed in today's video about the struggle to endure the consequences of infidelity and how to make it through to the other side of an affair.

In today's video, Samuel continues his discussion on safety in recovery and the two main components it requires. A follow up to: It's About Safety, Not Trust

My husband was able to carry out both of his affairs without getting caught for a variety of reasons. First, he’s an accomplished liar. Second, even he says that  I was too trusting. And I was. I just refused to believe that he would ever betray me. Third, we were sleeping in separate beds due to his snoring. That reason, in particular, made it very easy for my husband to sneak out at night to meet his AP. I can honestly say that I never once caught him either sneaking out or sneaking back in.

One of the biggest reasons he was able to cheat was the nature of his job. He doesn’t sit behind a desk...

Many unfaithful spouses, myself included, struggle with defensiveness after the discovery of their affairs and infidelity. Today, continuing the discussion on the four horsemen, I discuss defensiveness today in part 2 of my 4 part video series.

GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.

Samuel continues the long awaited discussion on the four horsemen with a 4 part video series, starting with stonewalling. This is a common issues in many marriages, especially those recovering from infidelity and affairs.

Download the Time-Out Protocol Samuel mentions in the video.

GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.