Affair Recovery

We all deal with trauma differently.  Some people haven’t had to deal with major heartache until finding out about their spouse's infidelity.  Unfortunately, I had a traumatic experience early on in my life that shaped how I deal with trauma.  I can always find somebody who has had a harder life than I have, but to dismiss the traumatic experiences I have had over my lifetime is not helpful to me or my family. 

When my husband first disclosed his extramarital activities, I dealt with it in the way I always had, I stuffed it in.  I mentioned in an earlier blog that...

In today's video, Lynn responds to Samuel's vlog Finding Gratitude as an Unfaithful and offers her perspective on finding gratitude as a betrayed.

Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.

In today's video, Samuel begins a new mini series on abandonment in recovery from infidelity and affairs.

One reason why people cheat is what I like to call “conscience searing”. Here is an example:

Bob and Cindy

Bob and Cindy had great childhoods. They grew up in loving families with strong religious and moral backgrounds.  Neither of them got into any serious trouble and both excelled at school. They met each other in college. They grew closer through the college years and before they knew it Bob had popped the question to Cindy. A joyful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon followed. They were madly in love and nothing would ever come between them. Things were good in...

In today's video, Samuel discusses the four horsemen in recovery including the #1 predictor of divorce in marriage and recovery.

GOTTMAN, J. M., & SILVER, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York, Three Rivers Press.

For months after D-day I agonized over the question “Why her?” Okay, to be honest, I’ve agonized over this question almost every day since my world was turned on its axis over twenty months ago. Why this woman? What was there about her that my husband found so alluring?

To be frank, my husband found her on Craig’s List. There was no picture so he didn’t have a clue what she looked like. They messaged through Craig’s List, then exchanged phone numbers and started sexting. It’s not as if they shared their...

While Samuel fights many self wars, Samantha, his betrayed spouse, does as well.  Today he addresses just one of Samantha's self wars.

Today Samuel provides follow up to his first self war blog. What is Your Self War? - Part 1

Soon after D-day I started keeping a journal. I needed a way to express myself without feeling I had to watch my words. I could vent about my husband without worrying about being cruel. Browsing through the entries I’m struck by the anguish I read in my words, words filled with raw emotion, gut wrenching pain, and the agonized ramblings of a broken heart. I use gutter language and expletives that would shock those who know me. I’m reminded how D-day turned me into someone I barely recognize. I never knew I was capable of such vile words. I’m shocked at how quickly I went from a controlled, confident and capable woman to one out of...

Have your dreams shattered?  Maybe old dreams need to shatter to give birth to new dreams for you in recovery from infidelity.

Samuel discusses what it means to fight your own self war through recovery from infidelity. Watch What is Your Self War? - Part 2

After discovering my husband's betrayal, he worked hard and did specific things that helped me heal and move forward in our recovery from infidelity.

Lynn is the author of Keep Walking, 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal, a devotional for women dealing with the trauma and heartache of betrayal.

Samuel invites you into his own story of confrontation to paint a picture of what many spouses struggle with:  Perception in recovery.

Every time I walk into my counselor’s office he asks me, “What is God telling you?”  Last week I knew God was telling me that I needed to prioritize my own healing and the healing of my marriage.  This week, I feel God telling me, “Be brave.  You deserve to enjoy every aspect of the life I have given you.  You have to fight for it.  There are forces unseen working against you.” 

Currently, I am reading "A True Name” by Leslie Kim Wiese.  In our last session, my counselor asked me, “What is your new name in light of all the trauma you’ve endured?”  I prayed about it and the...