Your website and videos have been immensely helpful to me after finding out about my husband’s online affair with the wife of one of his friends. I am dealing with a double betrayal. The affair lasted about 18 months to my knowledge. During this time, and also after my husband said he stopped the affair, he repeatedly brought this woman into my home. The level of deception and manipulation that has come to light is so unbearable to me. When my husband started the affair I was very sick on and off for almost 2 years. He did stand by me and take care of me during this time, but I feel it is all negated by the fact he betrayed me and broke our wedding vows so completely. (In good times and bad...in sickness and health) After I felt better, I told everyone who would listen that he was my hero, and he readily accepted my praise while still bring this woman around me. I also started to see some flirtatious behavior on her part which bothered me but I trusted my husband completely and felt secure about my marriage. I struggle every day, 18 months later. I feel like I'm floundering between anger, despair, disillusionment, and at a loss of what to do next. Distraction is the only thing that helps me through, it's clearly not enough. Please help.

I would LOVE to take Harboring Hope!! My husband and I participated in EMS Online a year ago. It's been a very rough recovery road... years of continued lies and so many other circumstances that have continued to cause damage. I need encouragement... and to focus on myself for once.

I found out two days ago that my husband of three years has been having an affair for six months. I am utterly devastated and I literally do not know what to do or where to go from here. I need help because I know I cannot make it through this on my own.

I would like to take the Harboring Hope course because it has been over two years since I discovered my husbands affair and there are days I hurt like the day I found out. I have been trapped on a horrible rollercoaster ride of emotions since discovery. On my best days I am grateful that my husband is so dedicated to our marriage and family, I feel our marriage is better than it's ever been. However, the roughest days can as traumatic as the very day I found out. I feel incredibly blessed that my husband has made a miraculous change, it is truly a miracle. Upon discovery, he moved out and was planning to move in with his AP and divorce me. My prayers were answered, he came home. It was a rough road because of him still communicating with her, he lied and the full truth was slow and twice as painful to get out of him. It took 6 months for him to break of contact, then almost a whole year of the truth piece by piece but only when I had proof he lied. And then there was a huge breakthrough and I not only saw but can feel a true change in his heart and that he is honestly sorry. I feel his love for me more than ever. Now, he has been a better husband than ever and our marriage can be so amazing at times. For me, the pain always comes back and at this point I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. I see God moved to save my marriage and do the miraculous with my husband but I can't figure out what's wrong with me and I'm afraid I am going to ruin what has the potential to be the marriage of my dreams. What is wrong with me? Why when my husband has made every change I could hope for and more am I still stuck being triggered and the ground falls out from under me? I have the hardest time just getting through the day on my worst days and I miss the strong, confident and happy person I used to be. I'm tired of being depressed and in survival mode. I am desperately reaching for anything to grab onto to give me hope and tools to get through this. I long to be the happier and better than before couples I hear speak in your video clips! The Affair Recovery website and weekly emails have given me the most help and hope by far than anything, including two different marriage counselors. I am hopeful that the Harboring Hope course would give me what I need to get unstuck. I have even talked to my husband about traveling to do the EMS weekend bc I feel the marriage is still very fragile and in crisis because of where I am still at in the process but I feel the Harboring Hope course would be a great help to start with. I am just so desperate to stop the most intense feelings I have ever felt of hurt, anger, humiliation and the feelings of being worthless and hopeless!!

My husband committed adultery the beginning of August. I have shown him forgiveness and love, but he still is angry and mean to me, even though he says he wants to stay in the marriage. Everyone around me thinks I am crazy to stay, but I so want to restore and reconcile my marriage and my family. I know he has some narcissism problems. Am I truly crazy to stay?!

Looking for path to freedom from the pain of it all.

Hello 1st of all thank you your videos are very helpful me and my husband have been watching them. Me and my husband have been together for 6 years and married for 3 years. My husband and I are 17 years apart I am 34 years old and my husband is 51 years old. This is my 1st marriage and his 3rd, he has 4 children and I have 1 child. I found out about my husbands affairs about 2 years into our marriage, I confronted him did everything wrong that could go wrong, he promised to not do it again and I believed him. Things after that seemed great we got married and moving forward. We hit some financial hardship with employment and his election at the fire department that did not go well. He started to become more angry and taking it out on me and the kids. My husband is also a Army veteran and has signs of PTSD not only due to the military but also childhood trama. He is not big on therapy. Something in me felt wrong and my thoughts went crazy I started to look through his stuff and phone. I started to watch him closely so I can get passwords to his devices and social media. As you can imagine what I found was devastating. He has several sexual affairs with co-workers and lots of sexual texts messages to different women. Most of these women are married themselves and all of them knew me and knew he is married. I caught him several times and recently caught him again i don’t know what’s so different this time but I said what I felt at that moment and he reacted different. I know we have a lot of work on both our parts but to me is huge to see him on his own watching your videos and sharing them with me. I want healing for both of us I want our marriage to survive we both made a promise in front of God. I pray we are blessed with this gift but also pray for all who are going through these dark times. Thank you

Searching for support and hope

About 2 weeks ago my husband disclosed he had been unfaithful in our marriage of 8 years. We have 3 kids and I am currently pregnant with our 4 due in 2 weeks. I learned he had a few one night stands in the past and found an affair partner for 2-3 months and broke it off, I never knew about this until recently. Now currently deployed he had reconnected with his affair partner and had a sexual and emotional relationship and said he even had Thad thoughts about leaving our family for her. I am loosing hope and need something to lift my spirits.

I am searching for hope in these very dark times of my life.

I found out between May 23, 2017 and September 24, 2017 that my husband of 43 years is a sex addict - active with online pornography, chat rooms, massage parlors, strip clubs, taking strippers to motels and seeing them at their houses, prostitutes procured through the internet and other sex partners,multiple long term (2-5 years) affair partners to the point of bringing them to my home when I was out of town and more for over 35 years. I say more because we are scheduled for a formal therapeutic disclosure in January, 2018. I shudder to think what more there can be for him to tell me. I am 65 years old and can't bear this burden every day. I have a good therapist and God. Without them I am worried I wouldn't be here. I need whatever help I can find. I read books and blogs and websites until I can't stand it anymore. I wait a few days and then begin the
process again trying to find some answers and ways to cope. My heart goes out to all the writers of the stories I see on the blogs. I know these people are hurting just like me. I guess I just need to know that someone cares. That is another aspect of this - I can only talk about this with a select few safe people. And my support group of 2 are beginning to weary of my crying. Thanks for listening to me. If you are a spiritual person please remember me in your prayers.

I am desperate for help.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, of which he has cheated on me for over half of them in many ways, with multiple women, and I feel as though I have come unglued.
We have raised 4 children together, our youngest being 10 who is also Autistic. D Day for me was my 40th birthday (16 months and 11 days ago) when I discovered a second phone. The second D Day was a month after, when I discovered the very worst of it. Since then I have remained functional yet useless. He has given his life over to God, and is apologetic... and I don't care. In fact, I hate him more with each passing day, and with that I also loathe myself. I have symptoms of complex PTSD and severe depression, but because of work and home responsibilities neither of us can go to counseling. This many months later, I wake from vivid nightmares 2 to 3 nights a week, and my health has declined. So has his. I don't want to live with hate in my heart. My children need me.
I am desperate, truly desperate for help.

I discovered that my husband of 11 years was involved in an affair in Sept. He insists that he wants a divorce and I'm completely out of hope. I have tried everything I can think of. I know I must focus on my healing at this point. He was deployed when the affair started and I didn't see it coming at all. The past several months have been so painful and I'm at a point where I just need hope and healing for myself.

After almost 35 years of marriage, my world has come crashing down. 2 grown sons and grandchildren and a 16 year old daughter and I accidentally discover my husband’s emails and find that he has been having an affair for almost 2 years. Meeting a married with children younger business associate - all covered very well, spending the night together at business meetings and conventions and even hosting her at our hunting property that is (a safe for them) 12 hours drive from our home. I’ve known him since I was 15, we ran a business together, I adored him, a great man of character - I never in my wildest dreams suspected he would betray me and our family like this - all the while I am at home running our household, taking care of daughter and grandchild - allowing him to have plenty of time to “enjoy” his hunting property...being a “good wife”. It’s been 30 days and I’ve had a few decent days, but the past 2 I’m back to grieving like I did the first few. The pain is unbearable.

It’s been a year since DDay and 5 months since my husbands last relapse. He has a year long limerent affair with a co-worker and after disclosure was ambivalent for 4 months. It has been a living hell with. Fire breathing trauma dragon and a struggling to “get it” spouse. There is a lot we need to heal from but I am starting to see I need to start really focusing on my healing for the sake of myself and my kids. After a year of all of this I am tired of trying to figure it out on my own, I need help. Thanks for the opportunity!

I've reached the point where I'm ready to move on with my life regardless of what happens in my marriage. HH seems like the perfect place to heal and find hope for my uncertain future.

I am so grateful for your site and all you offer. I have been amazed at how the articles and vlogs seem to speak directly to me. Like everyone else it seems, my husband was the last person on the face of the earth to do something like this. I have learned so much this last year and a half. I know I could not still be trying to save our marriage if it was not for all of this information and support. My h has made almost all the mistakes Samuel has addressed. I have been stuck a few times, but this time feel different. My husband is finally going to get some individual help and I am worried it will be too little too late. I want to reach that break through place. Thank you for offering the drawing. I hope to someday be at your weekend with him. It sounds amazing. Thank you for all you do.

After almost 2 years I still have panic attacks and sleepless nights. My wife has been through Hope for Healing.
Maybe this would help me.
thank you
J

My high school sweetheart is having an affair with a married women with 3 children, 30 years his junior. We have been married 49 years. There are no words to describe the inner turmoil and devastation this has created in me. He has always been a man of character for me. My world is shattered because the most cherished relationship in my life is no more. He does not want to deal with the situation.

I need to properly process this and heal. I a hoping the blogs and course work provided by affair recovery will provide further help.

I’m sad, extremely angry and frustrated..not only because I have been betrayed and deceived for the last 2 years of lying about an affair but because it seems my/our therapist has given my wife an out. Not from being accountable but from exclusion and omission. I have discussed with him for 21 visits ( together as a couple and separate) how it important for me to be more informed about having full disclosure and that I am being drip fed 3 pieces of information in 21 visits. Who,a car,and sometime in the middle of our marriage separation.. (although we stayed in the same house together the entire time)..it was her boss and she still works there and has her life completely intact as beforehand. She says we need the money and health insurance and that’s why she stays. I feel as though it’s because she doesn’t want to face the entire situation at hand.( if i was in her situation..I would live in a cardboard box for her and rebuild everything) But somehow I’m the only one sleeping in the bed she’s made. I am and have been working on my own recovery and will continue to do so. I have no mentors and really nobody to talk with this about with( not in a “Rick and Samuel” type of way). My friends all have the same attitude about women and it’s not positive nor helpful. They have been hurt as well in the past and haven’t sought help but only to shame and berate their partners. So finding understanding and a moral compass through them is hopeless. Many of us men don’t talk about our situations without extreme anger or if at all..because of a lack of feeling that you can’t satisfy your woman overall. Not true. It’s just the worst thing to deal with. Much more complicated than any woman. So in closing, im refusing to be part of my pain to this situation any longer and I’m triple “H-ing” as my last and only resort. I hope everyone finds Healing,Hope and Help for their own recovery and that peace is your goal. I’m striving for it in my heart as well. #stay strong for today!

My husband and I are the poster children of how to do, say, feel, and think EVERYTHING wrong in the midst of the most painful crisis situation, ever. If our life was a script, it would be a 'romantic-horror" that would be produced by none other than Harvey Weinstein.
I am desperate.... all jokes aside.
We are leaving 18 months out from 'D-day', and I am suffering as much today as I was day 1. My family is slipping away through my grasp, and I am clinging most days to what's left of my sanity.
My husband's hidden life came to light on my birthday. We have 4 children, our youngest has Autism, so funds for therapy (and time) are inconsistent.

Pick me. Please. Healing has to start somewhere.

Patience runs thin, while my mind scrambles to achieve some obtuse sense of reality. Anger kicks in and makes everything react like lunacy. I hate it and want relief. From anyone and or anything!!! God send a sign of hope from above and a small prayer please.

I never thought for a millions years these past few months could have happened. My husband was the dutiful husband, great father, upstanding leader in the military but living a double life. Three affairs later, that I know of, he claims his military trauma changed him. I wish he would have told me that important piece. I have determined that I will heal, regardless of the marital outcome. He claims to be trying to move through the "process" but its like dragging a elephant, uphill, in the mud. I am not sure if he really even has the capacity to contribute what I need for this process. However, I am determined that I will not live in misery but take charge of my own healing. I am ready to take the next step and stand in this and face it but I feel lost as to how to approach moving forward. I hope to be a part of this program so that I can feel connected to other good people and find some peace.

My husband's infidelity after 32 years of marriage nearly destroyed me. It really felt as if I would die from the pain. We have worked hard to build a new, stronger, more authentic relationship. I'm thankful for his willingness to stay in the marriage and work at recovery, but I feel so very lonely while we deal with this. Although I've talked to a couple of close friends about his betrayal, they haven't experienced this pain, so they don't really understand how deeply I've been affected. Harboring Hope would give me a community of support and understanding at a time when I feel so alone.

My husband had left the marriage 6 months ago and it’s been about 5 months since I discovered he was having an affair which had crushed my whole world. We have been together 15 yrs and married for 10 of those yrs. when he left he led me to believe that it was because of the fighting and arguing and my bad attitude, granted that made it easier for him to leave but knowing what I know now he left me so he could have the affair. I have been trying extremely hard to save our marriage on my own and at times I feel like he wants to but he is constantly pushing me away and is very ambivalent. I’m not allow to ask him question or know anything other then what he has told me. If I try and talk to him about it he shuts down and gets defensive. He definitely has blamed me for a lot of things and has not taken responsibility for what he has done or what this has caused our family. I am so insecure about where my marriage or my life is heading. He is full of false hope towards me but says he isn’t giving me false hope. I have this sadness and dread that I walk around with constantly. I am not understanding how he is the one that had or is having this affair and yet I am the one chasing him trying to save our marriage. What makes this even harder is he is and has never been this monster that he has become and it’s just heartbreaking that his family or our marriage doesn’t mean enough to him for him to just stop what he is doing and come home. He told me as of this Monday that he isn’t with her that yes he does talk to her but he isn’t with her. They work together!!! I don’t know what to do I am so confused about everything and since he won’t talk to me or get the help we need together I am stuck. I have been going to general counseling for other issues I needed to work on but he said that he doesn’t want to go to counseling or church with me. He said that he is trying to figure things out himself. I want to fix our marriage and ourselves and become the best we have ever been but I know I can’t do it myself. I do constantly keep him and our family in prayer but I just don’t know what to do anymore.