I need all of the help that I can get, honestly. It’s so hard.

Daily and moment by moment, I am still fighting the battle to stay in this. Any support and encouragement would be so welcome. Thank you!

My husband had a 6 month affair, and we are walking in circles trying to recover. Mainly because we simply can’t afford the help that we really need here. We’ve been married 9 years and have 4 young kids. We both want to make it work, but don’t know how. It would be amazing to get this opportunity!

I’m putting my name in for the drawing. 2 years post DDay. 1 year post DDay 2 in which I learned of a one night stand and 2 short term affairs. I have done Harboring Hope We have been to 4 counselors, I have almost completed Grief Recovery/somatic therapy. My H is non compliant in treating his bipoloar/ADHD finally diagnosed Jan 2017. I have been traumatized and isolated because of his almost total insensitivity to our situation. I have had to make the horrific decision to file divorce April 12th because he is not getting better and thinks as long as he’s not cheating that’s all that matters, even though the lying and deceit on other things. So I need to redo Harboring Hope with addressing forgiveness without reconciliation and getting myself healthy for me and my children. Soon my ability to access extra AR material will expire.

It’s been a year of recovery from my husbands affair only to come to a place of abandonment and yet another affair. At this point we are separated and I am broken and confused. I have 4 children and need to heal so that I can be fully here for them. I will be a single/married mom of four living in a separate state from my husband trying to give my kids a happy life. hH would be a huge help for me.

Our d-day was January this year. I found out my husband of 10 years had started an inappropriate relationship with a girl from his gym while I was 8 months pregnant with our third child (he was one month old when I found out). I was actually changing my babies diaper when he got a message through one of the many secret apps they had been using and I had his phone to pay a school lunch payment for our oldest. Though the affair never turned physical I am completely broken. My husband is former military and I was faithful through the deployments and all the constant training. After the military we have moved around numerous times to further his career while I traded in my career dreams to be a stay home Mom and support his career growth. I guess I thought my willingness to remain faithful through all the times apart earned a faithful husband but I was wrong. The messaging stopped immediately (because I confronted the partner immediately) and we started going to counseling 3 days post d-day but our counselor has seemed to be solely focused on the marriage going forward and not on healing the trauma. He even gets my name wrong in counseling sessions. As I’ve explained to my husband it’s like someone handing you a bullet proof vest but you’ve already been shot in the gut and are slowly bleeding out and someone tells you just to not think about that wound because you should worry about not getting another one. I obsess over it. I was at my most vulnerable when the affair was happening (pregnant and postpartum) and I cry every time I see a newborn picture of our son knowing what his father was doing during the time surrounding his birth. I need help digging out of this hole I’m in. I have read so many books and I pray but I feel so alone in all this. Even our counselor said he wasn’t sure how to help me. I beginning to lose hope of ever feeling better.

My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs. he has had multiple affairs and holds a lot of resentment. The worst part is that there is a new D day almost every week, it’s miserable and he is continuing to be with his affair partner. He is constantly lying and hiding. I’m no so much pain that it doesn’t even hurt anymore. We. Have 3 kids and as much as I would like to save our marriage I have just run out of hope and have conceded to the thought that divorce is inevitable. If there is hope to be found somewhere I think it might be here.

I am so devastated and isolated that I can't go on this way. We are 4 and 1/2 months post Dday and it feels like we are not making headway, like I am not able to make headway. I really need the support that Harboring Hope provides. The drip feed of details is destroying the hope that I have been trying to hold on to since the initial Dday. I have tried to work with him. I have tried just focusing on myself. I have tried reading everything I get my hands on. I have tried. Please help. I can't do this alone.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12 in July. He started a new job in what I thought was an all male profession (mechanic in a steel mill) but theres one female and she picked him. Shes the polar opposite of me, rough and brash, drinks and parties.. I don't know how it started but the phone calls began in Dec 2017, which I discovered in late March by trusting my gut that something wasn't right with him. I had no idea the content of those calls so it was easy for him to tell me they meant nothing. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, the text conversation he forgot to delete before finally letting me look into his phone. The words "my love", the very words he says to me in text messages, will not stop playing over and over in my mind. To a stranger who tells him she can't stop thinking about him and how much she loves him. He says he ended it, I know the calls and texts stopped because they had to, I monitor everything. But they still work together on the same shift.. I can't move forward, I get only responses but no answers. There's been no confession of how or when or what else they've talked about, just the usual "there was never a physical aspect at all, she means nothing, what else do you want me to say?" he has drifted for a couple of years into who he was before he was saved which was the man I met and fell in love with who was married at the time. Yep, I was the other woman, same situation.. Coworkers. Unappreciated husband. He left her and moved in with me. We have 3 children, he has 3 from his first 2 marriages. Both ended the same way it seems. And here we are. Am I any different? I now know the horror I was the accomplice to which hurts almost as much as knowing I'm in the same boat. The only difference is we both received Christ early in our marriage so there's hope that what could be another tragedy might have some chance of survival if we both are all in. Not that I feel I deserve it but I'm thankful we serve a God of mercy and grace and we are now praying together, something we've never been able to do. I took him for granted for 12 years, we coasted into complacency, I had no idea we'd end up here. So, we are in desperate need of true therapy and counseling not only for this but for the years that led up to it. I'm struggling with this more than I could have ever imagined.. Thank you for this blog and the resources, they are helping me understand this whole thing better and giving me hope that there is life after this nightmare!

My mind is a battlefield. My husband first cheated on me 18 years ago. We had been married 7 years with 2 kids and were in the middle of building our home. Admittedly their was tension due to the stress This. My husband claimed at the time I didn’t make him feel adequate for the task at hand. Apparently the young intern at work did, so they carried on a year long affair. When I finally caught him, he came clean. to an extent. Wanting to protect my own, I insisted on privacy and silence. Those around me who knew hadn’t the ability to correctly council us, so fast forward to present day. Getting ready to celebrate my “star” as Rick described it. If I could reach our 25th all would be well. Not so. 4 months before our 25th he’s done it again. In his attempt to save the marriage he finally gave total transparency which he’s never been willing to do. Now my mind has so many images. All the things I’d imagined for the last 18 years now confirmed. And new things added as well.I am having the most awful time defending myself against the enemy. I need to talk to someone but need anonymity because I have 4 children now. I can’t let them see who their father is, it would humiliate and destroy them. Praying my number is drawn just to have some back up troops on the battlefield.

I would love an opportunity to participate in Harboring Hope. We have spent so much on therapy already, and realistically can not afford it. It would truly be a blessing if I were to be chosen. Thank you.

I'm quickly approaching DDay #1's anniversary. Almost 12 months of living in this new found hell and I'm realizing that there are moments when it seems like we're light years away from that day ... and yet in the next split second I'm sucked back into the abyss of pain and betrayal.

I would love to win this Harboring Hope so that I can connect with others who know my language. Those who have survived ... or who are simply treading water.

6 years later, new revelations each year, I don't know what else I can do to change this feeling.

I want to take harboring hope to deal with all my pain and traumas, I have learned to suppress throughout my life. I was physically abused in early childhood. I learned to repress my feelings from an early age and have problems expressing my needs, my wants and my pain. Then fast forward to late teens the trauma of discovering my fathers infidelities, and the superhero I thought he was, no longer. He was a serial adulterer, and had a son from one of his last AP’s. Can’t even tell you what all his choices did to me and my family. He passed away from injuries due to an air accident, which in itself was very traumatic to witness, and I was left with so many unresolved issues.. Not only did I have to deal with our family grieving my father’s loss and the trauma of it all, I also had to deal with two of his APs and his very young son.

As if it wasn’t enough, all the pain and trauma I went through with my fathers death and infidelities, my UH had to repeat the story... my UH had no compassion, nothing mattered. My UH had 2 affairs. My 1st Dday was Nov2016, 2nd Dday was Mar 2017. His betrayals and recklessness have me dumbfounded. I was friends with AP#1. He saw nothing wrong with carrying his extracurricular activities with APs in our home. APs were married coworkers. Both affairs were emotional, and physical, both carried out for over a year each. Can’t tell you what this has done to my trust in myself, in my UH and women friends. Needless to say this has crushed me in ways nothing ever had before.

My UH was a workaholic, his priority was his work, he’d tell me over and over I was his priority, his actions showed I wasn’t. But I still trusted him blindly, I trusted him with my heart with my whole being, with my soul. He clearly didn’t deserve it. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I learned from my father, or from my first significant long relationship, where my boyfriend cheated on me too, and now my husband. I don’t believe all men are created equal...that is why my full trust in my husband. I thought he had my heart. How do I repeat the story?, three significant people in my life have been unfaithful? I need to learn the patterns and what I do,

I want to take HH to deal with the pain and trauma of my life and multiple experienced infidelities. I don’t want to be a victim of my past, I want to look back and feel like I survived. I want to learn to forgive, there is a lot I need to forgive starting with me. I want to express feelings and channel all the anger I have. I don’t want this experience to consume me. I want to heal for me so that I process the pain rather than transfer the pain. I want to

Married 20 years. I need Harboring Hope because I don't know exactly where to turn. My husband tried to begin an affair right in front of me with a woman 20 plus years younger after he knew her for all of 20 minutes (his estimation). He had a plan to exit our marriage when our son graduates college in 3 years, again, instead of discussing his unhappiness. We are better, but not great. The last d-day was about 3 months ago. Trickle Truth all the way. It has damaged me further, but pulling out of it. Your Boot Camp helped, but I'm stuck. I also wonder what else there may be...

I have (in my opinion) an unbelievable mountain to climb. 2 YEARS after initial "D-Day" in 2016 and things are still coming to light. Her shame of her actions and her mental illness has made it impossible to have full disclosure and work towards US as she's been working on her own mental illness, trying to achieve stability. I've held on for two years. The actual D day was March 25, 2018. 2 years of lies and instability. I'm tired, I'm lonely, I'm hurting. I've watched many videos and feel this is the best program available. The doctor bills are only accumulating. We have little left to invest in healing the marriage. I've given up on therapists. So many seem to work on the past, not the present hurt. I think many therapist just have NO CLUE how to help someone scrambling, spiraling out of control after infidelity. I don't know how much longer I can hold on to her.

Thank you for giving me the chance to let my voice be heard. My husband and I just celebrated 15 years of marriage and we were together another 10 years prior, since we were 18 years old. He is my best friend and the father of our 2 children.

I am reaching out to you today because since DDay, 2 months ago, I have discovered that my husband was in a 3 1/2 year relationship with a coworker from 2011 until 2014. The OW broke up with him (I never had a clue about any of it) and then in the beginning of this year, she reached back out to him and they got together 3 more times (no sex) from March-April. I found a text message on 4/22 - exactly 2 months from our wedding anniversary.

My husband has been open honest, remorseful and a student of change. We are currently seeing an infidelity counselor and I feel like we are moving in the right direction.

My 2nd betrayal just happened when I found out our best friends knew about the affair and kept it hidden from me. I did not expect them to tell me personally, but I certainly expected them to encourage my husband to be honest considering their marriage suffered infidelity 10 years ago and they have a beautiful relationship now. During that time, I was a confident to the wife who was the unfaithful and reassured her to be honest with her husband and come clean. In addition, while all our other friends told them to get a divorce, my husband and I supported their marriage and restoration. I wanted to reach out to them since they have gone through this before but the hurt and betrayal has hit me almost as hard as DDay did. I cannot bring myself to be with them now since I feel like everyone has lied to me these past 7 years.

We have not told a soul. I do not want to tarnish my husbands image because he is a good man that made horrible choices. He has been punished enough with guilt, grief and the pain he has inflicted on our family. He recognized that he chose another woman over his children. I cannot watch him suffer more with the disdain from friends and family towards him.

But now I am all alone with my pain. I have no one to talk to besides my husband and my therapist. I need someone to tell me it will be ok. I need a friend so badly that I cry daily hoping to find someone who will just listen to me when I get crazy.

I am hopeful that is course will bring me with others that can help me heal while I can help them through their anguish as well. I feel so pathetic looking for a friend but my shame is overshadowed by the need to recover.

Thank you for listening to me.

I feel the pain just keep sweeping me out to sea over and over since discovering my husband’s affair. I can’t function and would love to find other women that can understand and a format for healing from this unimaginable pain.

Thank you

My husband had an affair with a close friend of ours and we took EMSO and learned a lot about each other and our marriage. That was 2 years ago. We were on the pathway to healing but along the way we got into false recovery. Now he's ambivalent again, maintaining contact with the AP and I'm making plans to separate from him. I just can't take it anymore so I'm looking forward to Harboring for Hope.

I'm losing my grip on hope for my marriage because my UH can't or won't show empathy and make proper amends. We can't even hold a proper conversation beyond the weather or current events.

I am a shell of my former self, a hollow shell. I feel like our marriage is like a movie set with just a pretty facade and nothing to back it up for support.

I can't seem to go anywhere without a reminder/trigger.....radio, TV, restaurant, overheard conversations. Nowhere is safe. He is not safe.

Several people have suggested that I take Harboring Hope. We've done EMSO and are in MFL. I can't seem to get him on the "heal my spouse the way she needs it" bandwagon. I need to figure out a way to do what I can for myself.

I had such great expectations for EMSO....had he been "all in", it might have been more successful.

I need to give this a try before I give up entirely.

The date of our wedding anniversary just passed and it left me again feeling hopeless. We got married on a day that had a ton of sentimental meaning for me personally (so much so that I tattooed it on my body long before meeting my now husband). I feel as though saying vows to him on this day made it our day and now him breaking those vows took that day away from me. It’s yet another cost I’m struggling with losing.

We have been together for 2 years 8 months now and it is almost a year close to the first D-Day. The subsequent discoveries of additional affairs (new plus unbroken old ones) just broke my heart. I don't know how to trust my partner again. Everything he does now, I will need to have a second thought and constantly feel like he is still lying about ongoing affairs with one of the girls. While he claims he understands my feelings, he said he is too angry with me for not addressing his needs (despite his multiple attempts to communicate his needs to me) before he started the affairs that he can't do more now until he is psychologically recovered from his anger. I feel so hopeless every day and it seems to be that I am fighting on this path by myself.

I am completely overwhelmed by the trauma of my husband’s affair and need help in recovery and finding hope.

My husband had an affair with my best friend. The lies are so deep they cut like a knife. After a separation for a couple of months he wanted to come home. I found the information about the affair and confronted him. He said it was over with her. I was trying anything and everything to get my husband to want to work on our marriage. There were so many red flags. Well, the flags were there because he continued the affair for another 5 or 6 months. I am so devastated! We have started the bootcamp program. We need more help though. I need true recovery work. I am so lost and broken I don't even know where to begin on the healing path. I think we have had full disclosure at this point but how do I know? How do I trust again? I never wanted my marriage to end and I can't give up now. However, the goal seems so far out of reach I am not sure how to begin. Please help!

Its been 2 years since I found out my husband of 35 years was having an affair. My life has been totally shattered. I have read and listened to everything I can on the internet. I feel some comfort from Samuel's blogs but I just cant seem to get past all the hurt and pain. At this point I am ready to give up on my marriage. My husband says he loves me and will do anything to keep me but it's just not enough. He does not know what to do and I just cant stand anymore pain.I'm not sure anymore if it is worth it. This would be our last ditch effort to save our marriage. Maybe we could learn how to navigate through all the pain and hurt.