Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

We have been married for almost 25 years, and our D-Day was on our anniversary 2 years ago. I had suspected for many years and different women, and approached my husband who denied everything and made me believe I was seeing things. He admitted to stepping out as early as 6 months into our marriage. Only 1 of the women was unknown to me because she wasn’t one that frequented our circle of friends/family. Two of these women were church sisters. The most recent we actually extended hospitality to her and her husband when they fell upon hard times and allowed them to stay with us for a while. They were church friends and her and my husband were youth ministry leaders together. It’s been over 2 years since D-day and my husband has turned his life around, but the trust is so slow to rebuild, and I find myself seeing him as the person who hurt me, and not who he is today. It’s like I think if its too good to be true, then it must be too good to be true. I thought I was moving forward, but I know deep down I still have so much anger towards him, the other woman (women), and also myself. Sometimes I feel like punching the walls…and sometimes i actually do when no one is around. I try to stay current, but sometimes it so hard when I feel my husband is being what I consider judgmental about my thoughts and my struggles when I feel brave enough to share them with him. He thinks he’s helping me sort through things, but I usually just end up feeling bad for the things that I am thinking (especially when my husband tries to remind me of what Christ would do, and what true forgiveness looks like based on what Christ did for us). I am in therapy. My husband doesn’t think he needs therapy and that makes me nervous. He will sit in on one of my sessions if I ask him to, but no therapy for himself. When we talk, if there is something I say that he does not agree with, he tells me to write it down and check with my therapist at my next meeting so she can help me process that what I am saying is not correct. He says he’s fully aware of himself and his thoughts, that’s why he doesn’t need therapy. I feel so alone in this. I have only told my sister and my closest friend. It’s hard to pretend everything is ok. I pretend at home, around family, at church ( which it is a struggle to go to that church because I feel so stupid, and wonder how many people knew and greeted me each week with a hug and sometimes even a kiss).We still end up at times at the same events that the affair partner and her husband attend because of our church circles, and its very difficult for me to be in those spaces. I think one of the hardest parts is getting past the deceit for all those years, and of how little value I was to my husband…how he treated me and allowed those women to disrespect me. I am also mad at myself for staying in the marriage for so long knowing he was up to no good, but staying to protect my kids form having to grow up in a broken home. I know I need community and I need help to process and release these feelings and thoughts that I have. I do want our marriage to work, and he says and shows he’s committed to the work of restoring our marriage. I don't want to feel this way anymore…hopeless, broken, ashamed, stupid, not valuable. I want to be hopeful, encouraged. It’s difficult when the people you confide in have never experienced this type of trauma. They mean well, but the can’t really help you navigate something like this.

I will be praying that I can win the drawing for Harboring Hope, I feel like I have very little hope left. My name is Leah, my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I naively thought we had a near perfect marriage until a little over a year ago.
In spring 2021 I noticed that my husband seemed to be behaving differently than I was use to. I chalked it up to working opposite shifts and not having enough time together. I was sent into a panic though, after discovering a glass rose that was purchased on our Amazon account and mailed to his brother’s house. He lied to me about the rose a few times, and his explanation didn’t make sense.
The truth about the rose was that he had given it to his ex-girlfriend’s (from 20 years ago) mother along with a letter. The letter was mostly apologetic for the way he had treated the ex when they had dated. However, it contained numerous lies about our marriage and his life over the past 20 years. It also stated that he never got over her, that he regretted they hadn’t ended up together, and that he had settled for me. The rose was stated to be a replacement for one that had been broken while they were dating that initially was said to represent his undying love for her.
After being confronted with the letter, my husband said he did it because his therapist said he needed closure from that time period in his life. I have not been able to understand why he would lie about it to me, keep it a secret, or why the letter seemed to be looking to open a window, instead of closing a door.
The other issue with the situation is that next to the letter was a poem that he didn’t send. The poem said he didn’t want to love anyone else, that he didn’t care if he never loved again, and that his heart aches when he wakes up and realizes she isn’t his, and when he goes to bed wishing he could tell her about his day. It goes on in that manner until the end. Also, he has kept contact with the parents secretly this whole time, and also contacted the ex through Facebook. She is married with three children, she hasn’t responded to him inappropriately, and claims she hasn’t read the letter and will never do so. Obviously though, there is something wrong in my marriage, but my husband says there’s nothing wrong and everything is fine.
Along side the situation with his ex, he had a stint of text messages with a female coworker that to me feel inappropriate, but he claims were nothing also. He had always told me that he couldn’t stand that particular coworker, so it was shocking to see conversations that suggested the exact opposite.
Altogether, there isn’t any actual evidence of an affair, but after being lied to, and kept in the dark about things, I feel incredibly betrayed. My husband continues to act like there is nothing wrong, but behaves very distant the majority of the time. I have felt lost, hurt, and incredibly confused for over a year now. It is seeping into every area of my life. I truly need help coping with this, and need to find hope for my future. Thank you in advance if I win.

I am almost a year into this process of trying to heal from my husbands cheating. I’ve never cried so much in my life. We are trying to restore our marriage and I didn’t think something would be so hard as this has been. My emotions are up and down from moment to moment and most days I don’t know how I get through them. He is willing to talk and listen. He is the one who wants to save the marriage so I am trying to hang in there. I would have walked away as it just seems easier to not deal with any of it. I don’t want to quit but I am still in so much pain that I can’t see how I can move forward and accept this.

I'm holding onto hope for my marriage, but need help. It feels like I will never truly know the man that I married, even after 3 beautiful kids 6 and under, 10 years of marriage, and sharing my deepest insecurities and downfalls in life. I thought I knew him, but our entire marriage has been full of lies, secrets, selfishness, and deception. I want to believe that he will show up, get help, and make the changes in himself in order to rebuild trust, but it's so hard to hold onto that hope when the hurt is so deep. And I am a different mom and person bc of it. The anger is deep. I'm so mad at him for turning me into this person after I gave up so much for him out of love and support.

I am committed to doing the work to save my marriage, heal myself, and help my husband heal after an affair 3.5 years ago that devastated our family. However, I recognize that in need help. The tools, resources, and community Hope for Healing provides will help me continue to work hard to do the next right thing every day.

My D-Day was this past June. After we were married, I discovered that my husband had a porn addition. When I confronted him, he said he couldn't be happy without it so I let it ride since we were still being intimate. Years later I discovered that he and his brother were going to strip clubs. When I confronted him and told him that if I found out that he touched any of those girls we were done. He convinced me that he was done with strip clubs.
Several years ago we stopped being intimate because he was having troubles because of his prostrate. He was trying to get help for it so I believed him. Then covid was hard for my husband and I as neither of us wanted to be vaxed. We feared we'd loose our jobs and my family disinvited me to any get togethers. My mother got covid but my vaxxed siblings were not available to take care of her, so I did. Praise the Lord she recovered but then got vaxxed which nearly killed her. She was hospitalized with a kidney and heart injury. This time I was banned from her. Needless to say, I was not happy go lucky through all that. This past April and May, my husband of 23 years started acting out of his normal and not coming home when he normally would. When we were home together he would lay on the couch and be all depressed. He let me think that his job was the cause. I began to suspect that something else was going on and confronted him. He said that he had settled when he had married me, that he was not sexually attracted to me and that his sexuallity was very important to him. He said that he needed to spend some time alone to "find himself." I asked if there was someone else and he said he was attracted to some people at work. When I asked who, he said it didn't matter. After thinking about it, he had been telling me about a new friend he had at work that he was trading dvds with. She was married and from China and hadn't seen many American movies. I suggested that we go out with her and her husband. He hadn't spoken of her in awhile. I asked him about her and then he confessed that he was having an emotional affair and he needed get to know her to see if he needed to be with her. Just before D-DAy the agency I was working for closed, but a new and better job dropped in my lap one week before he confessed his affair. There was a lot of waffling on my husbands part. On day three of my new job (June 22nd), I came home at lunch time and "she" was at my house. I walked in and told her to leave. I then had a conniption. That night my husband called me from his work. He said it was fate that I came home at lunch and made him see how sick this all was. He said he's quit his job so he wouldn't see her anymore. We got counseling from our pastor twice during this time. He was very hard on my husband. My pastor didn't give me much hope in my phone calls with him either. Also during this time my pastor suddenly quit our church and moved out of state with his family. We found out later that he had also had an emotional affair with a church member. My husband planned to retire from his job on July 1st. He planned to break it off with the AP because he wanted to work on our marriage. He didn't want to hurt her but I still hadn't heard a sincere apology for how he had hurt me. He told me that he had broken it off with her on July 1st. Around July 4th the AP got in a fight with another coworker and was suspended, soon after she was fired. (I had been asking the Lord to remove her from his shift, but He totally removed her. PTL!) I had been telling my husband that we still needed help, we needed counseling, but he kept putting it off. We struggled along for several weeks. It was hard to know how to act around my husband. I felt that I needed to please him or he'd go back to the AP. Then on Aug. 7th I found a receipt from a local restaurant in his car from July 19th at a time I was at work. I confronted him. He said that he had indeed been with the AP to give her advice on how to get another job. I insisted that he get us help. We ended up getting marriage counseling for his "emotional" affair. We had 5 free counseling sessions provided by his benefits at his job. These sessions were focused on helping us to reconnect as a couple. The first went very well and my husband later told me that I meant a lot to him and he was excited at the prospect of our relationship being stronger as we were able to get over all this. The second went alright but by the third my husband said he wasn't getting anything out of it and how many more did we need to go to. I told him that I still needed help and that I didn't think our marriage was out of the woods. He asked me if I wanted to split up to which I answered no. At the third session in early October, we spoke to the counselor regarding this. She felt that because we were still speaking to each other that we were doing well. She said that we were each experienced hurt in different ways and that my husband was not needing more counseling. I was having anxiety because I am an emotional reasoner. She felt that if I got a handle on my anxiety that our marriage would continue to improve. It has still been very awkward being around each other at times. We spend all our free time together, bicycling (we are both avid cyclist), going on weekend trips, seeing live music and visiting with friends. I haven't seen any evidence of the AP since August. I want to forgive and move on. I love my husband more than anyone on this planet but have trouble trusting him as I still suspect he has a secret life I don't know about. He doesn't seem willing to get further help or even discuss the affair. Lately, I have felt like he is pulling away but other times not. I'm just very confused and feel stuck in how to move forward. I need help for myself. In reading the comments left by others I feel like Harboring Hope would help me to heal.

I feel as if I'm on a rollercoaster and I can't get off. D-day was a month ago and it feels as if years have already passed. I am trying to stay strong for my one year old daughter, however I am truly struggling. My husband of 4 years (been together for more than 10) has done the unthinkable. I don't want to give up on my family, but I am struggling to find the hope and strength to get through each day. I am hoping to seek help from other betrayed spouses and gain support and comfort from their struggles as this is an incredibly lonely and confusing path to be on alone. I am grieving the loss of a once incredible relationship with my spouse and I don't know how to cope. I would sincerely appreciate the opportunity to join this class to begin rekindling marriage #2. Thank you.

Never would I thought I would be navigating these terrible waters of being a betrayed spouse. Yet I still hope. I love my husband no less which is only God in me helping me see him through His eyes. We are both broken. It comes in waves and I’m just ready to get to shore again. Yet I still hope.

Our d day was June 6 2022
I have made great strides in recovery from my husband of 26 years and my partner for 30 years betraying me with a one night stand. He says it’s the only one but I am not so sure he is being honest. I believe he is terrified to admit them if they are there because of how traumatic this discovery is even though I have told him I am still here and as painful as it may be,I can’t heal or truly move on properly until I am 100% certain.
I still have bad days, really bad days and I don’t know how to deal with this. I get triggered and he ridicules me for it because he thinks it’s ridiculous because we have more good days than bad and doesn’t understand. I am not faulting him for this Because truly, he’s never been one to for
emotions, he didn’t grow up in a family that talked things through together, it was each man for himself.
I want to continue my healing! I want to continue our healing! I want the better us, I need to know how to do this on my bad days! How do I find the horizon when the sun has blinded me?

D day was June 4, 2022 even though I suspected but I had no proof. God woke me up in the night and literally the passcode to his phone came to my head. I sat on the bathroom floor for hours using my phone to screen shot the he texts. They literally sounded like teenagers. I teach high school and they sounded worse than them. I never cried and tried to stay calm. A lot has happened since then and I have as toxic the first several years of marriage but I changed. He didn’t accept that I changed and chose to shut me out but never tell me. I thought we were okay until the last year. It became clear he was having a midlife crisis. Our 15 year old and 18 year old knew something was wrong but we didn’t know what. They have since found out because they had suspected it but didn’t want to say anything. Fast forward a months- we are trying to heal but I feel alone. He did not confess to anyone but our children. I know he feels great shame as do I but I have no one to talk to. We have gone to counseling but he has resisted going back because of something the counselor said. We are both believers and do want to make it work. I’m trying very hard but I do feel so alone. My faith is what gets me through. Our kids are damaged and he believes hat he was doing wasn’t hurting them. I am trying to forgive and move forward but I often think I am sending my kids the wrong message but putting up with this. I have made it very clear what I need to feel safe and so far he is doing that. I have also made it clear that I will not be made a fool of again. I just need to feel like that I’m not the only one to go through this. I wish he would do the program for the unfaithful spouse but I don’t know if he will. I’m not patient and I know this takes time but it is so very hard. My dad was unfaithful and my husband didn’t know that when he started the affair but found out during. You’d think he would be convicted but if he was it was never enough to tell me. Anyway, there is too much to write and I am too tired.

I need help. My husband had an affair and there was a child born from it. We are budgeting for child support now but I’m still not sure if my husband is 100% on board with recovery work. I definitely need this for my own healing and for my 2 boys under the age of 3. I want them to have a healthy Mama again before all this happened. Especially since we cannot currently afford therapy for myself or for my husband. I want to move forward with my husband but if he doesn’t want to then I need to know how to move forward on my own. Especially since I don’t want any future relationships impacted by this trauma.

My husband and I have been married for many years. I am truly disappointed that our marriage became routine and self-centered. I am quite ashamed that I became the unfaithful and brought such pain and heartache to my husband. Discovery has been very painful and now it’s where do we go next? I want very much to figure out the why but most importantly to help my husband feel he’s my priority, he is my everything, and I will do anything to help right this terrible wrong I have inflicted on him. Harboring Hope seems to incorporate the help we need. This would be such a tremendous blessing as we are retired and finances are more challenging than they used to be. I would be ever so grateful to be blessed by receiving this gift for our 40+year marriage.

I have been living with this trauma for over three months. My d-day was June 29th, when my husband told me that someone he had met on the internet had become "more than a friend". I feel crushed just writing those words. The pain is indescribable. I have a long narrative about what has happened. I just typed it all out and then erased it. The bottom line is - he just finally told me he broke off all contact with her. At first they were remaining in contact as friends but I told him that was unacceptable and had him watch the affair recovery video about that topic. He understood that so broke off all contact. I want to believe him. I don't know if he's doing this because I brought up legal action or if he wants to try to come back to me, or what. I have no idea. He acts very clinical about it all and hasn't really revealed much emotion, which is how our marriage has been and now I'm realizing what a huge problem that has been for years. I'm terrified that he broke off contact with her simply because he is scared of legal action, and really doesn't want to come back. And if he does decide he wants to come back, I'm not sure I want him back. I don't know what to do next..

My husband disclosed his infidelity while I was pregnant with our first child last year (after having previously suffered a miscarriage earlier in the year). My whole world went up in smoke. Not because the concept infidelity seemed so farfetched...after all, he'd done this before we were married. It was the fact that yet another happy moment was tainted and stolen from me. I was depressed for the majority of my beautiful pregnancy. Deja vu. I'd discovered his first infractions three weeks before our wedding, then again a month before our first anniversary. We did everything to fix it--therapy, books, church counseling, etc. and yet it was happening all over again. I was shattered and ashamed that I'd stay to let this happen again. And now when I was "trapped" with our baby girl on the way. It's been 10 months and I have worked hard to be able to be happy in my new role as a mommy. It's time to do some healing work, so I can be healthy for my girl and me. Here goes nothing....

I had suspected for years that my husband bad been unfaithful. He lied and lied. Things went from bad to worse. His drinking increased and i was at the end of all hope it would ever work out. Then came dday. June 6 2022. My whole world felt shattered. His memory of events was so distorted from the 10 years of alcohol that full disclosure from him wasnt even a possibility. I had so much to already try and forgive that multiple affairs had now entered the top of my list. I have 4 kids and am really struggling with how to make peace with it all. I can work towards forgiveness but the constant reminder i feel everyday is soooo hard to try and move forward when i feel like it would be like flicking the wrong light switch and id be at another dday.

It has been 3 years. I am still struggling to feel a connection to my husband. I am still triggered. Sometimes I recover in a flash from a trigger but other times I get completely flooded and stuck. I'm tired of this cycle and I'm tired of feeling so disconnected.

Seeking my healing

My husband and I have been married for 21 years, high school sweethearts. About 4 years ago I was dealing with some of the worst years of my life, chronic illness in my child, stage 4 cancer with my mother and my husband had an affair. It was like being kicked while I was down and he has been kicking repeatedly ever since. While we love each other very much, we are struggling to get through Al of this mess. I need help.

I am hoping to find support and connection as I try to find a path through this painful and confusing time.

I never really know what to say or how to start when it comes to talking about this. Like, really, what do you say…? I’d love to do the harboring hope class. Some days are easy. Some days are not. My husband is doing the 17 week course for him and has been encouraging me to do this course so I can start feeling better. I want to start feeling better. So here’s to hoping I get chosen this month.

My husband had an affair. I found out. I’m devastated. We are working on our marriage and I am working on forgiveness. Sometimes it feels hopeless. Sometimes it feels like there is still enough there to hang onto and start fresh. I’m really struggling. I’d love the opportunity to participate in Harboring Hope…

My husband for 19 years just moved out from our marital home last night. He had an affair and he can’t get her out of his mind. He stayed in ambivalence for a while where he doesn’t know what he wants for several months, a week ago, he told me he wants to work it out with me and be transparent, but it never happened and after a week, he decided to move out to clear his mind. He’s been repeating this pattern for months and months, I came to the conclusion that I need to save myself from this limbo. I don’t want to waste my time anymore and I want to heal from the damage to my soul and move forward with my life.

Sick and tired of being SICK and TIRED!!!!
No support and lost on what to do anymore.
Need Hope! ??

Please help, I the husband has had multiple affairs,the last 2urs mywife and I have dived into understanding or trying...We tried some counseling it was tough due to COVID-19 wea re still working on it,30yrs and counting,I really am starting to know my wife but I know she need help to and won't go for it, probably more then me.We have Three daughters 28/19/14,no one on knows and it's been horriblely difficult.... please help.
We follow you all ,we have learned a lot and has kept us going,but we need professional help. We love you all for doing what you do,it has changed me forever....911...Noe Hernandez

My husband of 18 years was in an affair and recently moved out. He says he is no longer seeing her, but I know that not to be true. There is so much conflicting information out there of what to do and what not to do that it is confusing. I am trying to take it day by day and thankful our communication is still open and he is willing to do things with the boys and I. I truly believe my husband is a good man, and I see glimpses of the “true him”. I love my husband and want to work to restore our marriage and family, but know I need to also put boundaries down to protect myself and my kids.

My husband abandoned our plans have his ex send their 2 kids and went to stay with them and her in Canada. He broke his word to stay at a hotel or try to bring the kids back in 1-3 days, and by the 3rd week was saying they'd been married all along to cover for the betrayal.

This was all around my 8th month of pregnancy.

Now, ive stated we're on the path to coparenting in response to his excuses. He's coming around with Acceptance yet I need to feel safe with the decision and not coerced, as the ex is highly manipulative and has made every attempt to conspire and sabotage the relationship at this point. He wants cowives and I wouldn't be opposed to it were she not toxic, using children as a bargaining chip etc, and if he were more mature and respectful.

However, I can only control myself and would like all the information and support I can get to maintain our otherwise happy new 2 parent home for the newborn.

Thank you.

I lost my husband to his affaire partner. And now I’m looking to find hope for me! I don’t want to think about him when I wake up and I don’t want to think about him when I go to bed. I want to think about me. And nobody can help me! Not my family, not my friends, not my therapist. You are my last hope!

My 10 year anniversary is August 10th. I have a 4 month old baby, 4 year old and 9 year old. Trying to help heal and recover while my husband is a SA and trying to determine if we can salvage our marriage. I need this course but cannot afford it currently. Hoping I get picked! Thank you for all the free resources and bootcamp!

I've been with my husband for 16 years since I was 18 and he was 20. We've always had a loving relationship - although I suppose I am a bot bossy - but the couple everyone said would be together forever. I felt safe, I felt love, I felt like a real team how couldn't it work out.
We have had rough patches but always knew we would get through. The hardest part was this happened when I thought we were at our happiest. Money and work was finally much easier, we were not far from having our much longed for second child. We now have 2 very beautiful boys of almost 6 ans just turned 1. I found out about the affair about a month after my baby was born. It had started whilst I was still pregnant. I was devastated. A complete mess. I forgave ans tried to get past it when he assured me it was over. I found out in November he was doing it again and kicked him out. A crumpled mess again. He came back at Christmas promising this was it and it was all over. I recently found out again...2 days before a family holiday he still hadn't stopped. Also up to now I thought it was more of an emotional affair with only a few kisses. I recently found out he slept with her in December. I suspect more but he denies it. One of the worst things has been multiple disclosures. I've been assured again and again that I "now know everything" ans turns out I don't. Most information has come from her husband which has devastated and humiliated me. He has only confessed to things when backed into a corner. He believes that he fell in love with her but has even used the phrase to me "it was like when we first got together". He claims he loves me and wants me not her but I don't trust he can get himself together or that I can heal without help.
He is the absolute last person I or anyone would expect to do this - especially on this horrible scale. I'm devastated and need help. Love from the uk, Sam x

My husband of 22 years appears to be a sex addict. We have 9 children, and I am shocked at the risks he took that have now affected our children as well as me. I am trying to better understand what he is going through and why he is like this. Help!

I've known about my wife's affair for 8 months now. It still hasn't ended to my knowledge. I've done everything I can to heal myself and repair my marriage but it takes two and the work on the other end is barely being done. Affair Recovery videos has been the biggest blessing in keeping my sanity and understanding this process. I'm losing hope and patience for my marriage and I owe it to myself, my wife, my marriage and especially my 3 young children to exhaust every option to keep myself healthy and try to save my marriage. I need a path forward be it divorce or reconciliation. Thank you all for the amazing work you do. Truly a lifesaving blessing.