We are currently taking the EMS course online. I would like to work on myself and harboring hope would help me.

My situation is in limbo because my husband doesn't know if he wants to work on our marriage. He is not remorseful but says he has ended. We are 3 weeks out from D day. Regardless of what happens to us, I need to work on healing me.

My Dday was June 6, 2016. He moved out that night. We have since then decided to work on us. It is so hard that I cannot even think about work or things I'm supposed to do. He is trying to be empathetic and says he is willing to do everything that he can to help me. I was so disappointed last night when we were supposed to start a couple's therapy group. I desperately need the support of others who have gone through this. But we had the first fight we've had in a long time and it sent me back to self preservation. He admitted it was probably shame that kept him from being extra supportive of wanting to get us there. But now that is too late. I am only 5 months into the healing process. I so desperately need the support of other women/men who have been here. I've lost my friends that I thought I could talk to and I am so isolated but also trying to be so obedient to God.

I feel the pain daily, even during our best of days. I discovered my husband's 8-year affair and during the discovery he continued to lie - I feel like he watched me bleed slowly. He has shown remorse since D day and we have a positive marriage counselor, however, I feel like the pain will never leave me. The blogs we have watched or read have been helpful and I long for the day I live that no thought of this horrific journey is present. Thank you for the information thus far. I am a long way away from living an authentic marriage but your site does give us both hope.

I discovered my husband has been addicted to pornography since very young and we've been married for 35 yrs. I can't seem to get over the fact that I was deceived all those years by his secret life. I found I did not marry the man I thought I did. It's been devastating my whole world blew up! We've been scratching threw stumbling onto some resources by God's grace and guidance. We found affair recovery and would like to take their courses.

My DDay was Oct 2016. My husband of nearly 27 years admitted to me that he was having an "inappropriate relationship" with someone he met through a chat room. Since then he has disclosed that he has been with 2 different prostitutes (one he was with twice) and had a one night stand with a woman he also met online but she lives locally.

He is, I believe, truly repentant. He has answered my questions with little defensiveness. He has turned his cell phone over to me, deleted all social media accounts. Broken off all contact with the online woman. He is willing to do what it takes.

I am at the point that I feel like I need to heal my wounds. I desire forgiveness to reign and honesty to be the rule. I believe God will heal my marriage but it is a hornet I must travel to get to the other side. I struggle with anger, fear and many triggers. I am alone in the new town. I have no family, friends or a church because I just moved here. I want and desire tools to use to help me calm my fears, my anger out bursts and the triggers.

Winning this drawing would be amazing.

After a lifetime of abuse, struggle, and disappointment in myself I have done so much to improve my own life. Marrying my husband was the most wonderful and blessed event in my life. With him I have been able to find a new meaning to life and understand that love really does exist. Yet, I was unfaithful and I am searching for a way to understand why I have done this. I want so much to heal myself and understand how I can overcome my past. I want to be safe for him. I am inundated with college loans and will likely be taking the Harboring Hope course even if I do not win the drawing. Thank you for this opportunity.

I am currently 9 weeks post D-Day. While my DH shows signs of ambivalence, and perhaps wanting recovery, I know more than anything, I need to recover for myself and my three kids. After riding a roller coaster of emotions for the last 9 weeks, including 5 weeks of weekly "decisions" on his part - I pick you, I pick her, every other week - I was finally "scared straight" when I listened to a presentation by a local counselor this week. Hearing how my emotional well-being as a mom is critical to the emotional well-being of my kids opened my eyes to the fact that I must find healing for myself in order to be an emotionally stable tree for my three pre-teen kids because the apples don't fall far from me. I can't bear the idea that my lack of recovery could lead to anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts because my kids are worried about protecting me from their fears and emotions. Even before the affair, I fear I wasn't the emotionally stable mom my kids needed. Although I have worked hard on my own - journaling, praying, building my support network, even medication - I know I need professional help. I understand these entries aren't based on merit, on what I write, so this is a testament to myself that I am doing everything in my power to find healing for myself so I can be the emotional pillar of strength for my precious kids. I love them TOO MUCH to fail them!

I had a stroke 12 yrs ago and my husband says he has been depressed the whole 12 yrs. I am very independent I have limited use of my left hand and arm. He does very little for me I walk with a cane. In November he told me that he was physically and emotionally exhausted taking care of me these past 12 yrs. I learned he had a 2 yrs affair. He has never asked forgiveness or acted remorseful. I am left 300 dollars short a month because he would not pay spouse support. He is now living with her and he has fallen so fare from where he once was.

I hardly have hope left. If not for God's words, our marriage would not be "surviving". I feel like I'm doing it alone. I continue to find evidence of contact with his AP. I want to throw in the towel after every deception, lie and betrayal. But in the end, god speaks, I listen, and I stay. I need hope it can get better. That he's capable of change. That I'm capable of forgiveness.

We have been married for 9 years. My husband had an addiction to pornography prior to our marriage but led me to believe that by the time we started dating (in high school) he only very rarely relapsed. This assumption carried into marriage. We put filters on our devices and openly talked about temptations and relapses and preventions. However, 3 months ago I discovered something suspicious, which started the long, drawn out discovery process. He had never been honest with me about the depths of his depravity, despite me feeling like we were doing all the "right" and recommended things. We are now in marriage counseling, my husband has started Hope For Healing, and we have done a formal disclosure with a polygraph. We have good days and bad days and good moments and bad moments. But I feel so, so alone. Friends know and care. But I have been in emotional crisis for months, and anytime I talk to someone, at best they only reach out and check on me for a few weeks before feeling less urgent about being there for me, like I should be doing much better by now. I know otherwise. My husband didn't have a physical or emotional affair with another person, but pornography is an affair in the mind and is still crushingly painful, destroying all trust and everything I thought I knew.

13 months since DDay and I am still painfully broken inside. I really could use the help of this course to continue my healing.

It's been over two years and the anger I still carry toward my husband's affair partner is holding me back. I feel isolated in that I have only shared what's happened in our marriage with a limited number of people besides our therapist. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk with who's been through this.

I am working very hard at healing and attempting to reconcile our marriage. Dday was 11 months ago. I have attended the EMS weekend with my husband 10 months ago and have been in married for life and couples therapy since. I am still extremely broken hearted, this is the 2nd time I have discovered my husband has been unfaithful and working at healing and reconciling with him. The difference this time is now we have children and there are 3 more affairs to process as well as porn addiction and inappropriate behavior with strippers that span the entire 13 yrs we've been together. It has been much more difficult to process and work thru. Life has blown up in every way this past year and I have battled to find a sense of what I'm up against with in myself. Recovery has been primarily focused on him not myself. I am determined to do all I can to find my way. I am a person born from infidelity so it has hit me very square with my identity and I feel plagued as this is my calling forever. There has to be something I can come out the other side of all of this with that I can hang onto to lift this terrible sense of who I am off, I refuse to stay in this place due to others decisions. It's all very deep soul wounding. I need to fight this for me as well. Thank you.

I found out about my husbands online affairs one week before our 20th anniversary. We went to counseling a few times and I was trying to put our marriage back together. A year and a half later I discovered emails on our computer that told me it was much more than online affairs. He had been using craigslist to meet women and prostitutes. The pain of betrayal is destroying me. I feel as though no one can understand this pain and anxiety I feel. I'm lost and feel alone. Thank you for your blogs and articles. They have become part of my daily routine and give me some relief from the anxiety. I need to put myself back together before I destroy myself and my children.

On 7 November 2016 my husband confessed about his affair of 4 months in 2015. Although I sort of new I never really thought it was so. It was the most terrible thing to hear. And although I really wanted the truth because only the truth will set you free this is so so painful that I am battling to handle it. We have done EMS online and it really have helped us so much I know I still need alot of wisdom encouragement and strength to continue on this journey.... not just for me and my husband but also for our 2 beautiful boys. This is such a hard journey to go onto and we need all the help we can get. I stay in South Africa and there is nothing like this offered here. I know I need to get healed and for that to happen I need all the right support I can get. And I also want to in future be of assistance to others.

I am 2 years since my 2nd D-day, and I am still struggling with the horrible and devastating pain and horrific hurt of my husband's sex addiction. He has been a sex addict for 28 years of our 38 year marriage. His behavior includes porn, frequent masturbation and seeing over 80 prostitutes in the 28 years. For the last two years, I have had some EMDR, counseling, and my husband and I have done 2 EMS weekends. He has changed, wants the marriage and says he loves me, but when I really need him to help with my pain, he retreats into his shame and I feel things are back to the way I felt on those horrific, unspeakably painful D-days. I feel that Harboring Hope might be a last desperate chance for me to heal. Thank you so much for this chance to enter the drawing for Harboring Hope.

This is my second marriage after a physically abusive first marriage. This revelation of my husband's emotional affair was much more devastating. Yes I am comparing the pain.
He was beginning to get too friendly with a woman at work about 3 years back and I found out. nWe went to marriage counseling and everything seemed to fall back in place.
Two years later, he started ignoring me and I was smilingly giving him 'space'. Yes, through my first marriage, I had learned all about communication and a happy marriage. I did all including asking him if he wanted to go to counseling if anything is bothering him. He blamed it on 'work stress'
I found out when I was 7 months pregnant. I am lost. The person I once was, the confident persona I had built after my first marriage cascaded like a house of cards. I am not exaggerating when I say my name was published in office magazines for my achievement at work. I traveled to work and got hot on more often than you could count but every single time I told them of my dear perfect husband and how I could never ask for more in life.
I find myself crying uncontrollably and wishing my husband would come hug me. When he does, I just push him away. I did everything that all the free videos asked me to do but couldn't get past the wall. I went to three counselors who told me to work on my marriage but I never understood why. If I am left with some imperfections, the affair will happen again?
Through harboring hope, I wish to get my confidence back. I wish to get over my obsession. He is a great father and I wish to know if I can still provide a loving environment for my baby without him feeling that his mother is a doormat,

My H & I will be "celebrating" our 30th anniversary August 29. Everyone including me loved this man. So nice, laid back, do anything for anybody. How do I ever trust him, ever. How do I know if he loves me and can't live without me like he says? I love him. Truly is the love of my life. I'm just scared to death it will happen again & of course he swears it will never happen again.

Yes, the wife is the last one to know. 9 months ago my husband admitted to an affair that happened when we were newlyweds. I never had an inkling and am still in shock,disbelief, and despair. He has no idea why he told me after all these years .

Like everyone in this drawing I am ready to heal and move forward. I'm tired of being in this space of pain and feeling inadequate. I've been married for 11 1/2 years and discovered via social media that my husband had been unfaithful and violated our marriage. I realize that whether or not my marriage survives this is a process that I will have to go through. I want to be happy again and not have to walk around pretending to be so the world won't see how broken and devastated I am inside.

Hope, I just want to feel hope that my future can be bright again. My husband was involved in an emotional affair that became a sexual affair for 4 years. He broke off the physical part about 5 years ago but he continued to contact her several times a week and visit with her when in town over the 5 years. I knew nothing of the affair. 4 years ago he took a temporary job assignment and moved away for 7 months. He saw his AP in several accessions during that time but says they were just friends. Dday was May 25, 2017 at which time he broke all contact. We are in EMSO but I wang to take Harboring Hope because I want to heal. I am feeling ambivalent about our relationship but I want to feel I gave it my best shot to recover. Regardless of what happens to my marriage, I want to heal. I want to feel whole. I want to laugh and enjoy life again.

My husband had an affair with a coworker while I stayed home with our sleepless son and took care of everything alone. He has always traveled for work and I have always just done what needed to be done while he was away. Discovery of a year long affair while he traveled was devastating. We have completed EMSO, and are 20 weeks into M4L, but since he is still only home a handful of days a month, and spending that time with our 4 year old, nothing has changed for me. Every time he comes home I am triggered just by seeing him. Every time he leaves days later I am faced with feelings of distrust and torment. I don't know if anything can help me. My personal therapist feels like I have childhood abandonment issues (my mother left when I was a child and my father passed away when I was a teenager after Id only known him/lived with him 6 months) and so I feel like maybe I might not be able to get over this level of abandonment again. I lost all respect and trust and he has continued to lie. My husbands job won't change. I now feel like I am just a lonely married, yet single mother. I keep giving up mentally and thinking thoughts contrary to M4L.

I can not get over my husbands betrayals. We have been together 41yrs married 38. I am so numb I can not even think what to write. I have watched all the you tube videos and read everything on this very informative site. I am blessed to have stumbled upon it. I can not get my husband to talk about anything due to his raging emotions. He was caught and they were both the same ages as our eldest child 1st one 2005 and again 2016. It makes me feel ill. I do not know this man anymore. I feel humiliated beyond belief. I have lost trust not only in him but myself.

I am 7 weeks out from the first D-day, 3 weeks out from the second. My husband had an affair off and on for over 9 years. When I first found out about the affair he said he broke it off entirely, he gave me complete access to his phones, email accounts, everything. We were working through things and we both wanted to make our marriage work. 4 weeks later I discovered he had not broken it off, he was still texting and calling her (she lives in a different country). He had just been deleting all of the phone calls and texts before he got home from work. At this point he came clean, there was much more to the affair than he originally told me. I am trying to get him to take either the EMS weekend or EMS Online but I know both are a big commitment and he is always hesitant to commit to anything like that. Therefore, I would like to take Harboring Hope to work on me, because that is the only thing I have control over.

My H & I Celebrated our 30th anniversary in August. It was difficult to say the least. How do you celebrate the breaking of vows? Everyone including me loved this man. So nice, laid back, do anything for anybody. Life has been really good. 2 beautiful grandchildren. My H never so much as flirted or even commented on other women. He had hired a young woman to be a caregiver to his elderly mother telling me he hired her. he was unusually flirty with this woman so after he went to bed I did some snooping. Nothing abnormal, conversation between the 2 of them were strictly about his mom, but I continued to look thru his texts & found a contact "Goodyear Tire". I only read 2 weeks worth of texts of how much he loved her, words couldn't express how much, couldn't wait until they were together, the mushiest talk right out of a harlequin book. confessed he slept with her once. I ran across emails he had written to her regarding his painful marriage & plans to leave me for her. I've never been hurt so much in my life. I feel destroyed. We've been going to therapy for several months. 8 months out from discovery. We go on dates, only time we're apart basically is at work, which he works about 25 miles away. I want to trust him but I'm so hurt & angry. How do I ever trust him, ever. How do I know if he loves me and can't live without like he says? I love him. Truly is the love of my life. I'm just scared to death it will happen again & of course he swears it will never happen again. I absolutely cannot get her/ them out of my head. I cry all of the time. We've been going to a therapist, but that's not helping. Everything I ask him is "I don't know" or "I don't remember". It's tearing me apart & the pain is unbearable! He acts like he truly loves me & is so sorry, but his messages to her sounded sincere. I don't know what to do? Please help me!

My husband and I have been married for 7 years but have been together for a total of 12 years. In those 12 years, there has been one physical betrayal and several emotional affairs. I know of six but those are the ones that I found out about. I have no clue if there are more. This last emotional affair was the last straw for me. I have reached my breaking point. So has he. He has broken and is trying to mend the marriage and work on himself but I am at the point that it doesn't matter anymore. I am so hurt and so angry. We are currently in EMSO, and while it is helping him, I'm just not sure if I want to stay in the marriage anymore. I just want to be happy again.

September 14 - that's what you all call D Day. It's been five weeks. We've been married twenty years. He's been having an affair for a year and a half. He's been reluctant to let go. We went to counseling, but the counselors were not good. They focused on him and made me out to be a saint. I am learning about setting boundaries and taking care of myself. I am in prayer and seeking Godly wisdom. God has placed a few people in my life that are walking this road with me - one has been down this road and isn't afraid to say the hard things to me. Whatever happens, I am learning that I will be okay.

I would love to be considered for this drawing. Thank you for all of the work that you do to give us hope in such a difficult time!