In situations like these, I suppose we could all use a little hope as that is what I'm lacking the most. More than the lack of trust, safety, confidence and love, I need hope first. I'm sure this sounds silly, or perhaps a little cheesy, but I would do just about anything for a tiny bit of hope right now.
I married my husband two years ago and I found out eight months ago that he had been having an affair for our entire marriage. Before we were married, he had a secret emotional affair with another woman who anonymously bullied and harassed me for over a year because she was in love with him.
When we first met, four years ago, he had multiple "friendly" relationships with women because he could not decide who he liked best, so he strung us all along.
But here's the thing, this is all my fault. I am here. I stayed. I married an untrustworthy person. I had uneasy feelings about him yet I'm still here. I have given him permission over and over to treat me badly. I am letting this happen. He's been controlling, abusive and neglectful but here I am. I am no longer the vibrant, day dreaming, quirky girl that I used to be. I'm sad, sulky and depressed. I have barely left the house in eight months because I am so ashamed and so heartbroken.
I'm entering this drawing because I feel absolutely hopeless and I want to be better.

I would love to win because I think this would help me move forward. It has been 18 month since the last Dday. I am just stuck. We have done EMSO and moved to married for life. We have done private counseling. My husband is so very ambivalent about doing anything but the bare minimum for his recovery. Between all we have done and the money we have spent I just can't afford to pay for anything else right now. It seems so unfair that help cost so much.

I have so much hatred and rage at my husband for what he has put me through with his lies hiding multiple betrayals his trying to make my children treat me hatefully his hateful words to me every time I caught him in another lie. His forcing our children to bow down and treat his affair partner as if she was better than me their own mother . Please help me to see my husband is NOT like all the other men in the world. I need to believe love is forever and love is not abuse and agonizing pain. I can't see the beauty any more. Please help me believe again.

Was doing better after EMSO, then 18 months after the first awful D-Day, I found out nearly everything my wife had told me about the affair was a minimization and a lie. Hard to keep going working on recovery. Maybe Harboring Hope would help?

I need hope! My husband's been having an affair for 18 months. I've done everything possible - love him, offer to heal with him, forgive him, I've believed him when he said it was over, I've extended so much grace. When "she" gave him the ultimatum of wanting to see divorce papers 3 weeks ago, he moved out, leased an apartment and filed. Ten days in to his moving, he called and wanted to talk. He told me of the sexual abuse he suffered in 4th and 5th grade by trusted adults, he said not in his family. I always suspected this but now I know for sure. He also admitted he's a sex addict- all stemming from the abuse and shame as a child. There is just so much to this story- so much healing to do, first for him, then for us if that's our path. It's so hard not being able to comfort him during this time when he's now reliving this childhood trauma, but he's not here, the kids don't know which way is up- I'm not sharing that news with them, and I feel stuck in this unknown place of moving on in a different direction without my husband or healing with him. He doesn't know where he is either, dealing with the trauma and the addiction that he's admitted to living with now for most of his life! I really need help. I have a wonderful counsleor and friends but I need people that have been here, are here, have healed in one way or another.

My unfaithful husband and I are just getting past the 1 year anniversary of our initial Dday - Oct. 18, 2014. It has been a rough month. A rough fall season. Really, all told, a rough year. A year of absolute hell. By the grace of God, we attended the EMS weekend in April, which was outstanding. After a 5 month separation and an eminent divorce looming, my husband was able to begin to crack his self-deception and I was able to believe that there might be hope to resurrect our marriage and keep our family together. We have both matured and healed a great deal, but I feel we have much farther to go and I think for me the Harboring Hope program could be a critical part of this growth.

It has been 8 months since my husband's affair came to light, and I am still walking around with a gaping wound left unchecked. He says he will do anything to save our marriage, he says he is ashamed and it will never happen again. But I live in fear of the rug being pulled out from under me again, and I have no outlet for the turmoil I feel. He will answer questions -- but berate for my reactions. He says he will make me feel safer -- but how much longer do I need? Everything is about he feels -- sad, ashamed, frustrated. What about how I feel? My life has been shattered and I don't know what to do!

I find myself harboring very little hope these days that the feelings of sadness and despair will ever get any better. I would love to take with class but with all the money we have already spent on classes and therapy we just don't have the finances. I am a full time college student and work full time. We also pay for my daughters college. So I am prayerfully submitting my entry again. If this is God's plan my name will be drawn.

I found out about my husbands affair almost 9 months ago. We are in counseling but I feel like I need more help in healing my heart. I think HH would help me tremendously and I'm praying that I will be picked to receive this huge gift.

Hoping I'll be chosen for the HH class. The sadness and exhaustion from infidelity is pulling me under.

Betrayed, almost two years ago. Husband left with AP, after almost 10 years of- what I remember as a very good, happy marriage. Two daughters are with me, suffering immensly, because they have problem understanding why their loving father left them. Just writing about it provokes physical pain, even after so much time-since it was a complete nad utter shock to me, when my husband told me about the affair- the pain that makes you breath difficult and feel actual heartache. For days, for months...The pain of my children suffering-because of their own father...The hurt of thought that he did not loved me, he did not love our children enough to stay, to at least try to make things better.....that he was just thinking about himself...I am struggling each and every day to look at it from the positive side, to comfort my children and reassure them all will be fine...but I know nothing will ever be fine...It just feels like my whole world togehter with my heart and soul is crushed. So, how one can recover after this?

I am about 3 weeks post D-day #2. Original D-day was August 26,2015. We immediately started individual therapy and couples therapy to address the issues related to my husbands affair with a co-worker. He said it was over when he got caught the first time. He started doing and saying everything to make me feel "safe" again. Then just a few weeks ago I discovered he went back to her again. He says it's really over this time....that he now realizes how horrible and stupid his actions had been. He didn't realize this after he got caught in August? Anyway, I am struggling everyday to make sense of how after over 20 years of marriage and 3 kids he was willing to throw away our marriage not once but twice. Fully knowing the trauma he inflicted on me the first time I found out...I'm bitter, angry and flood/trigger all day everyday. It's not healthy and I need to get a handle on my emotions. Hoping this class would be a start to figuring out what I need to do to move forward...

Its been over six months of a steady down hill decline. We have stopped couples therapy and had to switch to another most recently. We are going to our first joint this Saturday. I have tried the Mort Fertel approach for the first 6 weeks. When her AP sent me a text and said would it be helpful if i stopped responding to all communication with her. Well, the repercussions to me we intense resentment and loathing for interfering with her "Friendship". No more mort. We have made every mistake that we could have emailing and calling from work. trying to talk after 11. marathoning. We have committed to try to do one activity a week together other than counseling. i agreed to let her go on a personal retreat to get some time away from the 4 kids and the affair. I asked her to send me a small note or text each day to let me know she was thinking of me. She didn't. Again she was going to work on anything but the affair and getting away from the thought of my pain was also part of her retreat. She says she has gotten over shame for having the affair. But she really has never been there to give me comfort when I am grieving. The words of remorse and regret and responsibility are not what she can express openly. I do get an occasional touch and hug but it is when i need to seek them out. I have come to the conclusion I must do this on my own. I have asked her to join me but she refuses to go she knows why she had the affair. Its all clear to her. I have tons of questions that most likely will never be answered because she doesn't feel safe when I flood. I need to feel I can get through this to some point where I can move forward and not look at what i have lost.

2 months in from dday - I need sisters WHO UNDERSTAND!!
I live with a person who I believe was literally insane.
28 years of marriage!
Elder!
Worship leader!
Bible study leader!
Extremely intelligent and wise!
2 beautiful children after years of infertility!
Great dad!
Scrupulously honest!
Yet he commits adultery!
I will never understand why.
Will someone please wake me up from this nightmare?

E

This week will be 1 year since he told me all of the truth. I'm continuing to struggle with intrusive thoughts and triggers and need help healing myself. I am hopeful that Harboring Hope can help, although I'm not religious at all.

Hi, A little over a year ago I was sitting at my husbands computer with his Facebook page open. I received a private message from his AP. She not realizing it was me said she needed to go into another room. Her husband was aparently home. When my husband saw what is was doing he came an immediately took the computer from me. From there after being confronted with the me being falsely diagnosed with an STD he finally came clean. My husband has admitted to 5 affairs over a 6 year period. We found a LMAF counselor that we saw weekly for almost 12 months. His advice has be only marginally helped and sometimes been harmful. Our therapist thought you ahold just draw a line in the sand and move on. He told me that looking at what had happened in the affair would only increase my pain and would further harm me and the relationship. In spite of all of this God has been faithful and I have offered my husband forgiveness. We would like to get past this but I am so hurt because of the trickling out of truth over the past year. I hope that the additional damage caused since d day over a year ago will be something we will be able to overcome. We both love our children who have had chronic medical issues for the past decade and I don't think they would ever get past a divorce. Please help us.

Our 1 year for D day is coming and I feel like I'm alone. All my friends who used to check on me have stopped, my husband and I are just hanging on and I feel like I need more support and a blue print for moving forward.

I found out my husband was having an affair about 8 months ago. I am devastated. He has told me several times that he "cut it off" with her. But, then a month after he would tell me that, he would then tell me that he was still in a relationship with her. He now says it is definitely over with her. I don't know what to believe. But, at this point he refuses counseling and he doesn't want to do the EMS online course. We have a toddler and I have been staying in the marriage because I want her to have her mommy and daddy together and I keep thinking his heart is going to change. I am finally to the point where I need to leave him because I can not trust him. I really want to take Harboring Hope because I want to work on my healing and I want to stop waiting for him to help me heal.

I was ready to walk away from 30 years of marriage because of the trauma I felt from his affair. Finding the affairrecovery.com website and resources have given me hope of a new and different marriage relationship with him.

We are in the 7th week of discovery. My husband has been unfaithful for our entire marriage, with different people. We have just marked our 28th anniversary. I am overwhelmed with loss and grief and my husband is broken open. He sobs with remorse and regret. We need all the help in the world. Please..

It has been 14 mos. since D day and 11 mos. since we attended the EMS weekend. The EMS weekend was very helpful in beginning my process of forgiveness and helped me to realize that I was suffering from PTSD. Since then, I have continued to go to therapy, seek information from the recovery library, seek out a prayer partner, and have drawn closer in my relationship with God. My husband on the other hand has pushed way from the table and does not work any type of recovery on a regular basis up less I suggest it. My hisbamd and I have been living desperate for 4 mos. This week he returned home. He is still ambivilant and I feel as though he is looking for a reason to leave. I have realized that I do not have to participate in an emotionally unhealthy argument. I am working on becoming a stronger individual. The fact that our last child moved out at the same time husband did and now I am feel all alone has been such a challenge. Though I can not make my husband do the work necessary for recovery I can work on myself. I need to take the focus off of him and my children and figure life possibly by myself. I would love any extra support from attending Harboring Hope.

Spouse and I are a both. I've been with him for 12 years and as a Mexican American, I was brought up to shut up and serve your husband. I'm a Christian too. And at church, I was brought up to please God and therefore serve your husband. I ended all my friendships and any social life I ever had prior to being in a relationship with Sal. I became a stay at home mom. Had four kids. One of which is autistic. But since day one, I had a nasty gut feeling. I knew he was hiding something. Sure enough, I would end up finding littl things here and there throughout our entire marriage! I thought I was doing the right thing by letting it go and continuing to be a mom and wife. But this deception ate at my core and I became depressed. Not realizing it at the time. Until I discovered his affair. I really wanted this to work. But seeing little to no effort. I became distant and disconnected. By then I was already a victim of pimping tenderness. And that's when I acted out. We ended up going to EMS weekend. But I am just seeking help for myself. I am not used to me doing anything for me. So it feels weird. A tid-bit selfish. And I need help to feel perfectly ok to seek out all the help I can get. For myself! Not for Sal. But for me! Right now, it's not important if the marriage continues. I would be ok if we were simply co-parents. I feel that I need to find a steady ground to plant my feet and start this recovery process. Especially since he's a sex addict. Which is very new to me. I don't even know who he is. And I especially don't know who I am. I need help.
Thank you.

Married 4 years. Have a blended family of his, mine and ours children. I learned on November 27th 2015 that my husband had a 1 1/2 year affair. I'm not sure what to do. I just want to stay because I haven't left or filed for divorce. He ended the affair immediately upon discovery. I can't make since of how someone could both love me and rip my heart out at the same time. I don't know how to ea from this or if it's worth giving a second chance. I'm working towards acceptance of my own powerlessness to change the situation. I'm hoping that answers will present themselves as I keep doing the footwork. Thanks.

Thank goodness I found this website a few months ago, it is the only place I can go to and try to make some sense of my husband's 2 year affair with a woman 30 years younger. Almost a year after D-day and, while he has shared some of what happened, it is usually given in angry outbursts. He is very defensive and blames me. He seems to want to pretend it never happened. I have gone to counseling and made good progress in recognizing my own issues, but I am still struggling with healing and some days feel like I'm regressing. I am sure the HH course will have tools to help my recovery move forward.