A year through EMS and I am still struggling. I'm finally starting to see that it is I who is keeping our marriage from flourishing. Unless I change there is no hope. My husband has been loving and patient but this is enough. He tolerated my affairs, he has tolerated my nasty attitude, my negativity, and my controlling personality. But how do I change those ways? When all your life you've thought one way and come to find that that way is wrong how does one change? I love my husband with all my heart and truly want to change but don't know where to start.
My parents really did a number on me and I believed everything they said. Now, I still believe their ways are right even though it's been proven to be wrong. How do I lose the thoughts that have been drilled into my head by my parents and follow my husband? How do I honor him and regain his love? All this negativity is crippling. It takes hold of me on a daily basis and controls me.
We just had a set of twins 7 weeks ago and between marriage recovery, trying to be a good wife and mom, going back to work, and trying to change I'm overwhelmed. I need help.
I'm hoping that HH will be that light at the end of the tunnel that will help me change. I have the drive to I just don't know where to start.

I've been married for 24 years and have spent most of my adult life completely devoted to my God, my husband, and my children. I am a 49 year-old homeschooling mother of six. I never thought that my husband would take our God-ordained marriage and cash it in for twos full-fledged affair and a couple of cheap one-night stands. One month ago, he admitted to having an affair while I was pregnant and very, very ill (life-threatening). Right after Christmas he admitted to the one-night stands, and after New Year's I found out he is currently having an affair and has been since Thanksgiving. After each admission, he told me there was nothing else to reveal. The betrayal is so painful and so real that some days I literally fall to my knees.

We are paying the price for his sinfulness and selfishness. He refuses to end his current affair and actually believes that he is not having an affair because "considers himself single". He shows almost no remorse or regret for the previous indiscretions. He will not consider reconciliation and I feel forced to get a divorce even though it is against my personal convictions.

I am praying that this Harboring Hope group would provide me with the support and strength I need to navigate waters that I never thought I'd be sailing on. I feel like my kids and I are strapped to my husband's parachute and we are in a free fall. I want to be the "one in a thousand" marriages that finds hope, healing and restoration, the one that God uses for His glory and helps others. But my husband has also walked away from his faith and as I said before will not consider reconciliation.

A week ago my marriage and world were turned upside down. I found out that my husband of twenty years has had multiple affairs throughout our marriage.

My initial reaction was to run far away from the pain and the marriage. However, we have a bond that goes beyond marriage…three amazing young boys. My faith and my children helped me to think rationally after the initial shock. I feel I need a place to be able to be open and work through the thoughts and emotions that are continually invading my mind alongside others who are going through similar struggles. In my search for a support group I came across your website. Thanks and God Bless you for creating a safe group for people to heal from infidelity!

After learning of the depth of my husband's sexual addiction for 30 years, I was devastated. The time has come for me to finally have a REAL life whether my husband stays sober or not.
NO ONE IS GOING TO BLOCK ME FROM LIVING IN THE PEACE, CONTENTMENT, and LOVE that I KNOW
CHRIST died and rose again to gain and secure for ME.

I would love to participate in Harboring Hope because I am stuck in hatred for my husband's AP, and struggling with the desire to punish my husband for the ugliness that he chose. Praying the machine picks me!!!

I took the EMS course, and I had hoped to find some hope on how to heal within my marriage. The weekend is a great course, and I highly recommend it. I now would like a chance with Harboring Hope for myself.

After completing the couples 13 week program, I am hoping to continue my journey with the HH. The support of the small group will greatly help be continue to heal from my husband's affairs. I am better but far from healed and I would be thrilled to have my name pulled in the drawing. Thank you.

I would love to so the harboring hope program because the community feeling and bond with the group I have been with on line has helped me heal more than any book or councilor. I know the rules say it is a random drawing but I think we can all learn from each other's stories so this is mine.
I have been married for almost 23 years. We dated for 3 years before marriage. I have a family history (as does my husband) that involved affairs and divorce. My history also involves childhood sexual abuse and abandonment along with lots of family disfunction. I discovered my husbands most current affair through text messages. This affair was with an old high school flame that started after he ran into her at a gas station. The affair lasted 6-7 months. Was emotional and sexual. Actually before discovery he asked me for a divorce. The old I love you but I am not in love with you. Devastated does not even begin to explain how I felt. This man has been my whole life. A few weeks after I discovered this affair he confessed that this was not his first affair. This was his third. The first occured during our second year of marriage and the second occured during our 11th year of marriage. So my present was blown to bits and my history has been built on betrayal. All of this reopened wounds from my past and has made recovery very difficult to say the least. My self esteem has taken the largest hit and seems to be the area I am struggling in the most. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. We are currently in Councliing and using the tools from affair recovery. Because of the cost of all this I am not sure I can afford the program. I am submitting my entry and praying that if It is Gods will my name will be drawn. Thank you.

We are in the 11th week of the EMS online course. The course has helped us in several ways.

Yet, I am in need for further guidance / assistance, as I am still stuggling to wrap my head around who his affair was with. His AP was his ex wife.

Discovery was January 2, 2014, or should I say that was firstly date of discovery when I was told of the affair by the AP. There as been several more D'days since the first. Although I had been told " you know it all"

In addition to more details about the affair he revealed his has a sexual addiction. I had tried prior to EMS to deal with the pain and hurt on my own and found that to be impossible.

I am thankful we are in the course but didn't see it coming he has an addiction too.

I feel Hope For Healing would continue aide in my/our recovery.

I am back, trying again for registration for Harboring Hope!!! I am six months out from my husband's affair, which happened in between two second trimester miscarriages. I need to work through the pain and anger of betrayal, so I can fully commit to move forward in healing with my husband.

My husband and I have been struggling with the recovery process for 2 years. We have been struggling mostly due to not having the right tools or information to approach recovery in a healthy manner. Marriage counseling has been cost prohibitive and the counselor we could afford took the approach of "just stick it out" without actually arming us with the knowledge or tools we needed to make the changes necessary to heal the marriage or avoid future infidelity. Everything we've learned from Affair Recovery has been helpful, but we cannot afford to take the actual courses. I feel that if we could take the courses, we would be much better armed & educated to save our marriage & make it into the mutually loving & respectful relationship that we both want.

My wife and I just attended EMS weekend and it was amazing. Even though I am not sure where our marriage will go from here, I feel we both received the guidance and support necessary to start healing ourselves. We need continued support and connection with other couples and thought we would enter this drawing. I'm looking to connect with other betrayed husbands to share and support one another during this long journey.

My husband and I are currently taking the EMS online and it is a Godsend. His passive aggression and controlling behavior is destroying me. I hope I am chosen for the free harboring hope for free.

I just wanted to add that in a marriage there are two and in the case of infidility the two are broken in order to heal that marriage it takes both to become healthy to have any hope. I am the faithful spouse and have read many of the post hear and as ll are worthy of the gift and what makes it even tougher is that me the husband am doing well but I can tell my wife still struggles with what has happened. She is still to this day almost two years later unable to talk about what happened just shuts right down. How can we really build a safe and hopefully marriage unless we both kind of know why and how things happened. My wife knows she has problems we went through EMSO but the other couple with the unfaithful wife dropped out well before the end along with one of other couples started MFL and both the other two couples filed for divorce. We have 5 kids who do not know the youngest special needs two in college she does not work we home school so there is no money for anything else
I know my wife would do the course if it was a gift but she would refuse it we had to spend money on it. Any way I just hope thst maybe in the future you might want to add a gift of "Hope for Healing " because sometimes the inner pain of the unfaithful one can add to the pain of the faithful also.
Thank You for the gifts you have shared with so many.
David

I have been married 19 years, but the last 10 years we drifted apart. D-day for me was about 2 years ago when I discovered my wife was having a 3 year affair. Over the past 2 years I have turned my trust over to God by seeking him with ally heart. I have also sought any and all information I could on the subject. My wife at times says we should start our relation over, but most of the time its lets live to gather as friends till the kids are gone. We get along great, but has no love for me either now or before the affair. Every time I have suggested we do something to work on our marriage she has said she needs time to heal. I now have two pastors because I started attending another church due to the shame I felt and the pain from seeing her AF partner. I'm also in a few small men's groups, but I still have no one I can really talk to about the affair that understands what I'm going through and cycle through my time of losing hope.

I am a little over a month out from D day. My husband confessed to an affair with an intern at work while we were lying in bed with my 5 month old son was sleeping in my arms. We were having open and honest conversation that morning and he couldn't hold it in any longer. He had been sleeping with her while I was pregnant (that in itself was so devastating) and continued to do so well after our son was born. We have only been married a little over 2 years.
My husband has done everything he can do to show me that he wants to be with me and our son, including quitting his job so that he was no longer around the AP. I see how hard he is working with therapy, our couples therapy, church counseling, and at home, but it is doing nothing to take away the pain that I am feeling. I'm dealing with a lot of rage towards the AP- I had met her at multiple work events, she would always approach me and chat, I thought she was very nice and was not threatened by her at all. Turns out she was in love with my husband the whole time wanting to further their relationship. My husband has repeatedly confessed no emotional connection to her whatsoever. He came into the marriage with a sex addiction that he has been dealing with since a young boy, of which I knew nothing about.

I just... it's so much. How do you move on? Will things ever not be painful? Should I work through this with him or is it too much of a risk? How do I deal with hating another person so much I wish them dead?? I don't feel like myself anymore, everything is so surreal. I would love some insight from women who have found healing and can offer me tangible evidence of hope. I want my marriage to see restoration.

D-day (first affair) was just over 2 1/2 years ago. I had my suspicions and finally read some emails from his AP. I confronted him, we talked, I wept and struggled to,understand why. He did answer most of my questions, we started therapy and we're trying to build back our marriage. Four months later I had more suspicions that there was more going on, call it my gut instinct. Well, I found another email from a different AP. He denied, I fell apart and after talking all night long he said he had told me everything, there was nothing else. I still had my gut feeling that it wasn't all and after asking him to swear to God that were not more, he assured me there was not. My gut told me otherwise and i pressed him further. He finally confessed that he was having affairs with all three women all over the same 2 year period. What do I do now? It's been 28 months and I'm still struggling with all of this. For him it's over and he doesn't want to address my struggles and in my mind I'm not sure it's a "safe" relationship and what will happen. If he is getting impatient with my triggers and how this still affects me - we need further help!

I would like to be entered into the drawing so that I can afford to heal. My husband and I have done the EMSO and it has helped, but we realize more assistance is needed. I would love to take Harboring Hope and my husband wants to take the course for men. Our issue is financial. It would make a huge difference to have assistance with the cost of the programs.

In a hopeless situation.

Our family never felt quite right. My husband was a hard worker, but never pleased, sullen, angry. I need to get better. Because of the trauma of his issues with Sexual Addiction, I have PTSD, and most of my days are spent in bed, or visiting a doctor for my related ailments.
My dreams are awash. I'm just hanging on to God at this point.
Thanks for being here

My husband and I would love the course to be able to continue to heal and also learn more, so can encourage others going through similar situations. We are both continuing to heal.

Looking for something to help pull me from this darkness.

Without going into too much detail, my husband had a very emotive and intense emotional affair which I discovered just before it went too physical. Having a hard time moving on from this to a place of forgiveness for a man who was prepared to throw his relatively happy marriage and family away for someone else. He verbalised this to her of her being his choice . He is however sorry now. But it doesn't fix or heal things. I feel discarded and worthless to him for him to so easily throw away20+ years of faithfulness, commitment and love. Life is just so difficult now.

I'm eight months into this hopeless nightmare. I hope the computer picks me. P.S. Here is to all our lives healing.

We had just "graduated" from both individual and couples therapy 18 months post D-day and were doing much better. Then I found out that most of what my wife had told me about her affair was untrue, that what I had been working to recover from was just the tip of the iceberg, and that she has been deeply deceitful throughout our supposed recovery, including having made new wedding vows that promised no more secrets and lies. Hard to see from here what good could be made out of a marriage after all this. I still think it would be good for our kids to raised in a stable household of two parents, but it was so hard the first time around and it's been hard to muster up the energy and will to take this on again, and so hard to build anything new when I have no trust in anything she says anymore. Feels so much easier at this point to just start over elsewhere. Maybe harboring hope would help?