Four months after DDay, my husband has finally ended the affair. I began this healing process with the feeling that I could not live without him. I have come to the realization that I am a survivor, and if divorce is what this comes to, I can handle it. But those feelings of strength are few and far between. I need to focus on myself healing for our children. I love him so much, but cannot allow my heart to be broken all over again. AR has been such a helpful outreach for me, I have learned so much from the articles and videos. Thank You!

We are almost 5 months post D day. It has been the most grueling time, for both of us. Married for 27 years, together for 28
My husband has had several one night stands and a non emotional but very sexual relationship in another country.
We are hanging on by a thread, he is sorrowful, remorseful, repentant.....and absolutely appalled by his own behavior. We still have great love for one another but are so hungry for deeper understanding and the potential for healing.
Thank you.

Well, two months ago I discovered that my husband has been in a relationship with a woman he met on Instagram back in November 2015. They've between texting, calling, sending inappropriate photos... I never thought we'd be here again. See we have a history. First time he was infatuated with a woman at work and never told her. Second time he was looking at inappropriate pictures on MySpace. This time everything is different. He doesn't love me anymore. He's given his heart away and I don't know if our marriage will survive. He's moved in with his parents. I just want to be healed and whole. I don't have much hope at all to be truthful...

A year ago, on July 5th, my wife finally ended all contact with her affair partner, whom she had had an emptional bond with. This affair was difficult for her to end, repenting some 9 different times...

We had really began to move on, to heal. We were better than every. Getting along great! Probably too great... we both let our guard down...

She had regained my trust... I no longer worried about her actions or wherarbouts, motives.

Until, all of a sudden, things seemed to be off about a week ago. Couldn't get it out of my mind, really. Started snooping on her phone (with her permission even, first time i needed to look since February), and found pictures of her with a new guy. She has admitted to sexting and interacting with at least two random men she met online.

Now she won't leave. She's unrepentant. I want a separation, with hope that she needs to get her crap together on her own, or go completely crazy.

Anyway, it might be great to offer this to her.

D day for my husband's EA was 4 weeks ago, although I had suspected it 2 months prior and he denied, denied, denied. We had been having trouble, no question, but he chose to confide in a work subordinate rather than me. While I was working my tail off to repair our marriage, he was in "falling in love" with another. He moved out 2 weeks ago, which he planned prior to D day. He says he is confused and is not ready for divorce, but also will not give her up. I am shattered. We have been together for 22 years, married for 16 with a 9 and 5 year old. He wants to split the kids 50/50 and I am bitter that I have no say in this. He was unhappy, he moved out, he is having an affair and I am losing half of my children's lives in addition to the hope and dreams I had for my life. I don't want to be jealous, bitter, angry and self doubt. My children are floundering and I can't help them b/c I can hardly help myself. I want my marriage to work, but I am just spinning right now.

I tell myself nearly every day that I am not getting better. I am still that woman who lay on the floor on February 6, 2015 and cried for everything she lost. But I know that I'm not. I've woken up every day and got out of bed(some days were too dark so I crawled back in again) I've been strong. I've had good days, not as many as I want but I have had good days.
Still, I tell myself that I'm not ok. I'm not doing any better. WE are not doing any better. I'm embarrassed for staying. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I need help to get to the place where I need to be.

Moving forward in this painful journey and continuing to heal. Hope Heals!

Hello. I found out about my husband's infidelity in 1999, and it had happened late 1998. A coworker and close friend of his at the time decided to call me one Saturday morning and inform me about what had been happening. I had no clue or hint of any type of betrayal going on, as we had just moved into our new home after living in an apartment complex for three months since selling the old home. The other woman worked in payroll at the Test Site where my husband worked and she also, unbeknownst to me, was living in the same apartments that we were temporarily living at. Without going into details, my husband said "things" between them only happened two times and I thought I had reconciled this in my mind and heart but every time we would have an arguement during the following years, I would always bring this up in his face. Finally, after a series of events this past October 2015, and basically living the 'married single lifestyle' for the past few years, I brought up his affair and in January, I spoke to the other woman for the second time ever. She told me that she would tell me the "truth" since she is now a "christian" and after listening to her for 45 minutes on the phone, I broke down and cried for hours until my husband arrived from work. Long story short, he admitted that about 20% of what she told me was true but the rest was told to hurt me since he told her he'd never leave me or the kids and he was not emotionally attached to her, it was pretty much a sexual thing since she was in these types of affairs with other married men at the same time. You see, in light of the new details and truths, it has put me in a tailspin and I have come to a place that I never believed I would be. I saw my marriage as wonderful, joyful, honest, and devoted. However, my husband apparently was unable to resist the advance from that woman as it was she who pursued the men that worked in the place she did. I break down and cry and so many times, I keep having images of what I think was happening between them when they were together. My husband has done so much these past couple of months to reassure me that what he told me was truth and that he had no intention of ever leaving me to move in with her as she asked him to. I pray so very hard, we have attended a Retrouvaille weekend along with all the Post Sessions, traveling 4 hours every other weekend to attend them, but I still struggle with so many feelings and emotions that are hurting us both. I do good for about 2 days and then all of a sudden, the floodgates seem to just bust open and overwhelm me with doubt, insecurities, anger, depression and lack of trust - not only of him, but of any woman that is my friend that may be around us. It's hard, our kids are aware of this mess and one has moved out because of our fighting that we seem to do on too many occasions. I do not have anyone to really confide in because I don't want to burden any family or close friends with this. People have told me I need to ''move on'' and stop living in the past, but two of them were my husband and his affair partner. I should mention that she said they lasted about 6 months and he said it was about 3 weeks but not even an every-day thing, just when he felt like having s** with her because she was always willing to...anyplace...even in the bathrooms at their jobsite. I don't know what else to do as I have subscribed to this website and I love the video blogs because they seem to help me realize so much but my husband still doesn't understand the devastation this is causing me. We never ask anyone for help at all. We just get through things, and I really thought I was over it after learning about it in 99, but it seems to have slowly torn away at my marriage without me realizing at all. I didn't understand that I was harboring despair and pain instead of harboring hope. Thank you for reading my story and if I am not chosen, PLEASE PLEASE, PRAY FOR US. Thank you and God bless all your efforts.

My husband was a sex addict he was a serial cheater for decades. I am left with all the lies and deception and no answers. I was hoping you could help me understand this .

Are there ever drawings for hope for healing courses?
I honestly think that would be one of the best things for me right now, is if my husband could take that course.

I have been married to my husband just under 30 years and am a month from D Day. I divorced my first husband due to infidelity and trusting again was so very hard and was a long process. I never dreamed that 35 years later I would have to revisit this pain.....I am so very broken and just do not feel I have the strength to get past this.

Dear Affair recovery,
I am reaching out to you for any support and guidance you can give us. I have been married for 17 years and together for three before years prior to the marriage. We have had many difficult times as he was married previously and divorced due to her infidelity. Now I found out from the husband of my husbands affair partner that they where having an affair and he has ended with her since and can't stop contact with her even though he states he loves me and will take care of me. He has told me he did love her and then he doesn't; however, I believe he could be in limerance. Like someone before me said, it's as if it's an addiction. He has since told me he needs to work on himself prior to saving our marriage but I can tell her is hurting and thinking he is not a good person, when he truly is and how does he work through this? How do I work through this? I really want to go forward and make this work and I don't know that he is willing to go for the 18 to 24 months that it could take. I need both of us to be ok and I really feel he cannot get past what he has done. I love him and want him to forgive himself and give us a chance as he said he didn't talk to her for 7 days and I don't think that is hardly a sneeze of what we need to go forward. What advise can you give me? Anything would be appreciated.

There is so much that can be learned if you allow your walls to crumble. At a time when all I wanted to do was run, my husband said no, please let's work on this. I lost the love I had for him and alot of other things on d-day. I would love to rebuild that. Maybe, Harboring Hope is just the wrecking ball I need to knock the wall down and start allowing the love to flow back in.

Coming up on one year and feeling crushed by the weight.

I have had a Christian friend for years from a Bible study I led in my home years ago. She moved from Michigan to Virginia and we kept in touch. She was having a hard time financially and wanted to move back to Michigan so I told her she was welcome to stay at our home while she looked for a job. She lived with us for 4 months until we asked her to leave because there looked like there was no end in sight. I now see that she was trying to look very attractive to my husband. They started getting together 6 months later and had an affair for 8 mo until our daughter looked at his phone Thanksgiving weekend to realize what was going on. Any affair would have been devastating, but this was a Christian friend that I helped out of the kindness of my heart and she betrayed me. Fortunately my husband told her it was over and that he was going to put 100% into our marriage. He always told her that he loved me and would never leave me, but he also thought he would never get caught and it would just end. I am thankful we are committed to working this out and that we are going to the EMS weekend in a week. From there I would love for both of us to continue in groups because he has much internal healing to do and I also think it would be helpful to process this with others and be there to encourage him on our road back.

This drawing is a God send since I spent our savings on the EMSO course.
We are 5 months out from dday and even though we're just completing the EMSO course, it still feels as though my recovery is based on his actions and recovery process. I know it shouldn't be this way and I want to get the help I need to recover from this on my own, independent of what his actions are going forward.
I need to harbor hope instead of resentment.

I feel stuck after 3 years since discovery and wanting so badly to work things out with my husband, but he is ambivalent.

My husband and I are working on healing our marriage, but I feel like I need some help working on myself. I'm struggling with anger and being open and vulnerable again. I would love to win this!

I recently found out that my husband of over 21 years has been cheating on me since we have been dating. There have been countless women, many of whom he cannot even remember their names, dates, etc. Our counselor often reminds me that we haven't lived a "normal" life, whatever that is, because my husband was a collegiate and professional basketball player. I understand that the temptation was much higher, but I naively thought he was different from so many of his teammates. He was not. He was just better at being deceitful. I don't know if I can ever heal because I don't think I will have a true discovery process. He says he loves me and these women never meant anything to him but I cannot move forward. I am stuck in the healing process and am afraid if I cannot move forward we won't make it. We completed the Boot Camp and are signed up for the EMS weekend but I feel that its all going to be for nothing if I cannot come to grips with the fact that I will likely never know everything.

I can be helped by helping me to understand why a porn addiction can morph into meeting a webcam prostitute, how come he could not control himself and put me and our children first. I am lost and he is playing the i do not remember anything i did game but he can remember what he did not do, i feel that he is not being honest.

I also need help healing because i am still broken and tired of people saying at least he did not go all the way and have sex as if its any less devastating. I just am a lost broken woman and need help.

My husband had 2 affairs over a 5 month period. One of which spanned the 5 month period, the other was a 2 week affair in the middle of that time period. I was 100% blindsided by this. It's been the most traumatic experience of my life. My husband is also in a great deal of pain and is committed to helping us both heal. He too will benefit greatly from something that gives us hope for the future. The changes I've seen in him are remarkable yet the pain he has caused us is at times too much to bear. I think Harboring Hope could be the encouragement we need right now to move forward and give us to tools for use in the future. Thanks for the opportunity this drawing provides.

I'm a both. But I was betrayed first. I've been the caretaker of 4 kids ranging from 15-5yrs, three boys and finally my little girl. My second son is diagnosed with autism. As if I didn't already have enough on my plate, my husband of 14yrs is a sex addict. I've always known there was something going on but he would have a great excuse for every little thing. I'm so sick and tired of all of this. I've been getting sick physically from the trauma, the cell memory in my body is insane! I've been thru 4 c-sections and He's put me thru even more pain and suffering. I guess it's due to the fact that I'm one tough chic. In the midst of our entire relationship, I've lost myself. I have no idea who I am. Isolated to the point where I've got no true friends outside of my support group. I am so grateful to have found them but it took this journey to finally have friends. Now I am in search of me. And I have no idea where to start. I feel like there's no time for me. I end up out of energy and sick every day. And I'd rather not deal with the addict part of this journey. I'm ready to be done with him. I really just need to heal and then find myself in the way to recovery. Please help! I appreciate all that you do Rick. God bless you all.

It's still difficult to process how the person I loved so much can be so callous now. I've been trying to understand and forgive the betrayal for nearly 3 1/2 years. The physical & emotional rejection was so incredibly destructive to my confidence I spiralled into a pathetically needy person. At first, it was emotional, then everything was hidden prior to our divorce. I have no absolute proof of infidelity prior to our divorce. But it didn't stop the visions. Now, it's obvious, he's not divorced but living with her and our children in her house. The visions of seeing them together (intimately or otherwise) is emotionally damaging.

3 years separated, 2 divorced & I'm still hurting. I hide it 'okay' from most people but have disconnected with so many others.

Ive just discovered my husband's second affair. The first was in 2009 and resulted in the birth of a baby. This time, while also with another co-worker, it was an emotional affair, and I don't yet even have all of the details 8 weeks post disclosure so it could have been more involved even. She works with him and he refuses to change that. We are now separated and working with a couple who are coaching us in recovery. Nonetheless, I would love and appreciate additional support and guidance on how to recover, as this time I am healing alone.