How do we teach ourselves to give our heart to the very person who has stomped on it 5 times b4 - that is the reality i face. he is my one and i want to spend my life with him, and when he is mine he is all that i need, but his destructive behaviour through deception and lies kills a little bit of me slowly like melting ice. i want to forgive, and be kind, and  someone that he actually wants to be with, but most importantly i want to stop being this obsessed and negative person  that i have become because of the pain i have suffered for the last two years.

My husband and I have been married for 18 years.  We married young and I was pregnant at the time. I found out 3 years later (only because she finally filed for child support) 6 months into our marriage he had a one night stand and the woman got pregnant. Long story short, I loved my husband with all my heart and with 2 children of our own, worked things out (no counciling) and I have helped him raise a child who is not mine.  This actually took YEARS to get to the point of feelng comfortable that he wasn't lying about where he was going or doing and find it ok for him to go out alone and not question everything he did. 13 days ago I found out he has been talking and texting and secretly meeting another woman for I believe about 5 months.  He swears they did not have a sexual relationship it was only flirting and swears they decided they couldn't go through with having an affair, both were feeling guilty about what they were doing. (she is married with 2 children also)  He says he didn't want to hurt me and still loves me and wants to work through it.  I don't know if he is really telling the truth about anything he has told me!  This pain is even worse than the first time I found out about his infidility whether it was a sexual relationship or not! It's the lies, broken trust, and the broken promise to NEVER hurt me again!!!! How could he really love me and put me through something like this AGAIN???  How can I ever recover and move forward with my life???  I am so lost in a sea of emotions I feel I won't find my way out.

It has only been two weeks since I learned my of husbands affair that he has been having for the past 3 years with a woman who claimed to be my friend.  I found this site and I have been reading the articles and it has helped me daily.  Only today was different.  I was talking with a friend who brought something up, just sharing stories of fun places and fun times, when all the sudden I had a wave of anger envelope me.  I know I need guidance to make it through this, whether my marriage stays in tact or not, for my own sanity.  The amount of pain and betrayal is so overwhelming at times that I feel as though it is me against the world.  I am finding it hard to trust all the men I know whether family or friends.  This is not healthy for me and I know even if I  not chosen for this gift that is being offered I will still pursue a support system.  There are so many others who have and are experiencing these emotions and insanity that I thank God for finding this site.

Thank you go providing this to all of us

I still can't comprehend that my husband has chosen his affair partner and walked away from our 31 year marriage. I have no idea what my life is supposed to be or look like from here. I have been told the divorce looks good on me by wellmeaning friends. I have had more attention from the opposite gender than I want or know what to do with. How does one recover and start over after being in a relationship longer than you haven't? I don't want to be alone, but really don't want to with anyone other than my soon to be ex spouse. My beliefs don't even allow for another realtionship after a divorce. Hopeless seems an understatement.

As a mother of five young children comes much responsibility. In order to take care of my children, I must first take care of myself. I've always known this, I've just always had a hard time doing it. After such devestating disclousure of my husbands long term affairs and inappropriate relationships I am left in a place I never could have imagined I'd be in. After all I always dreamed for that happily ever after. Divorce was never in my vocabulary. My heart may be shattered and my life is in limbo. I need the opportunity to go through the Harboring Hope program to begin my journey of healing. That way I can be the best mother to my kids that I can be. I don't have access to any of our income, so I can't afford to pay for this course on my own. I know God has great things in store for my life and I pray that this will be the first step to get me there.

Dear Lord, please make me whole again. Teach me, form me, mold me, and let me be an example to others. Amen.

My D-day was eight years ago, my husband had 4 year affair with a co worker. I found this site and dragged myself out of a dark hole. Although he was supportive of everything I needed to do, he didn't participate. I know relapse can reoccur if you don't . He was embarrassed and remorseful. For the last several years we've been happy, my family is thriving, We have shared lots of affection and love, there was no hint of anything wrong, and believe me I looked. He went shopping last weekend, no biggie. I planned a surprise rare little alone time. Needless to say when he couldn't be romantic when he got home, and it turned out to be my fault. Armed with all the excuses he had used years ago, in the same voice, and the same look on his face. I've known this man intimately for twenty years, I know when "it" works and doesn't. He says there is no one else, he hasn't done anything, he just wasn't in the mood. So I'm fighting wanting to believe him, and trying to trust my intuition, could he really have hidden this away, he didn't the last time, but I also learned that he's one heck of a liar. He must keep a separate phone, he doesn't even have an email account that I know of, part of our agreement. If he is meeting his AP then it isn't very often, but I do remember a few times that I thought something was up and decided to trust. I didn't believe this could possibly hurt worse than the last time. I'm not functioning, I've got four little ones that need me, and I'm trying, but they know something isn't right already. I need help, I need to learn to shut the door on my marriage, I said never again. It will mean putting kids in daycare, finding a good job, and moving, I'm having a hard time crushing the dreams my kids don't even realize they have. The older ones tell me how lucky they are to have two parents. From experience my husband and I don't do well apart, we will argue and hate each other. I know I'm not making any sense, I need help. The husband has not said one word about this, we only talk about what needs to be done, nothing else, just silence. I really can't do this alone again.

Coming face-to-face with a fear is always a painful experience. Fear and feeling pain are things I have avoided dealing with all my life through control, denial, avoidance, food, perfectionism. In discovering my husband's affairs and sexual addiction, I expected it to be difficult harboring hope. I expected this. I was unprepared, however, for the weight of the water that the tidal wave of truth confronted and washing-machined me with. I was unprepared for clawing for the surface only to be sucked under and whirled about yet again. It is an experience that causes reevaluation of one's life, attempting to assimilate one of your greatest horrors into your story, while continuing to drown in painful emotions. As helpful as the communities of Celebrate Recovery, individual counseling for healing from childhood abuse and marital counseling have been, I know I need a community dedicated to recovering from these affairs. Healing and health for my spouse will take time, more time than I have capability to hold out for. Yet, I know that God is promising healing. I know God is promising a harvest in the future from this process. I know a little better now what the cross cost Jesus, how much His forgiveness and reconciliation cost Him and how little I have esteemed that price tag. In attempting to earn His love, I have slapped Him by revealing how little I realized that cost. I have set a high standard for my performance to earn love, yet that standard is significantly lower than God's and I cannot reach even my own standard of goodness to earn love. I am confronted with the inability to receive love from God in my shame, yet aware that He is now the only true source of trustworthy, unconditional love that I am now desperately gasping for. And that is where a community like Harboring Hope comes in: when others have some tiny hint of a clue how much pain I am experiencing, when they can validate this experience for me, I know it will give me the hope I need to hang in there until this wave spits me out and I can get some air and rest.

Right now all I'm harboring is anger and resentment...... so Harboring Hope (the course, as well as the entire concept) sounds very appealing. My husband was unfaithful 4 years ago. I knew it when it happened but he denied everything, continually, until about 2 months ago. He said he got tired of lying about it and the fact that I was obviously "emotionally tortured" by what I "thought I knew" made him 'fess up. So kind of him to do so right after our youngest daughter had surgery and his mother was in the next room, by the way. His infidelity included at least 2 encounters with a coworker and several visits to a strip club for lap dances. Because it was so many years ago, he's frustrated with my inability to just "move on" and "put it behind us." I'm sure he also feels rather justified since I was unfaithful once (a single one-night stand) almost 20 years ago. We received counseling then, had the support of family and friends, and I thought things were resolved. But now that the tables have turned, he seems uninterested in doing any of the things I did to help save the marriage. We've confided in no one and I feel very alone. To be quite honest, he almost seems bored with my roller coaster emotions and doesn't strike me as sincerely sorry about the entire situation at all. It is my opinion that he's sorry it's still an issue, he's sorry he is forced to address it with me, and he's sorry that he even had to admit it to me. I currently have no reassurance that this won't happen again, or that it isn't happening as I type, and I need to work on how to make myself emotionally happy/stable again - with or without him. Thanks for taking the time to read this entry.

I would like to take the Harboring Hope course in my sincere hope to overcome the feelings of isolation that I have found myself in since D-day, 1 year and 1 month ago. In my pain, I have withdrawn from my friends and feel as if I am no longer the vibrant, happy, joyful woman that I was before the ugly truth was discovered and my life and my world as I knew it was shattered. I have kept my husband's infidelity a secret from almost everyone in my life because of the utter humiliation I feel at being betrayed---and being betrayed for a very long time---six long, dark years of betrayal. We had been married for 14 years when my husband started committing adultery with a secretary in his workplace. Our youngest son had just turned 4 years old at the time. Although I knew something had drastically changed in our marriage, and felt like I had lost the wonderful, loving man I had married, I attributed the negative changes within my husband to any number of things, none of which were adultery: PTSD (my husband is a decorated war veteran), the normal progression of a marriage with small children, mid-life crisis/depression, etc, etc....never imagining that the person I trusted the most in the entire world, with my everything, could hurt me so deeply and so profoundly in the worst way imaginable. I have suffered and lived with a man who had become a stranger, someone who was unloving, moody, irritable, negative, cold and distant for six, long years. Despite that, I have never stopped loving him, never stopped trying to reach him, never stopped having hope for our marriage and I have NEVER stopped praying for God to rescue our marriage and make it awesome again. God has done an amazing restoration in our marriage and within my husband, but I still find myself in a dark pit of despair sometimes, wondering if I will ever feel like myself again, wondering if I will ever trust my husband again, and wondering if I will ever trust myself again to know the difference between lies, betrayal and deception and the truth. I am having a hard time reconciling those years---I truly don't know how to come to terms with the loss I feel when I think of the incredible waste of so many years of my life, my husband's life and our family's life. The loss of control, which I never had anyway, feels overwhelming and I continually clamor for an anchor to help me hold on. I feel isolated and alone and just need someone to show me the way to find peace or normalcy again. I need to know that after the length and depth of betrayal that I have suffered, a better, richer more intimate marriage is possible. I need hope that it is possible to overcome the pain and get back to living life to the fullest again.

D-day for me was 7/14/13. My wife of 15 years had an affair with a younger coworker. She finally ended it (supposedly) when I threatened to leave. The past 6 months have been the hardest in my life. Initially, I nearly collapsed. The amount of stress and anxiety were unbelievable. Only when I found Affair Recovery did I find some hope. We are in counseling and some progress is being made, but it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I don't know that either of us is committed to this marriage anymore. I have had to take point and push to get help, as she's been seemingly unable to pull herself out of whatever dark place she's in. For me, I need to heal, and I need to take care of myself, regardless of where we wind up. I cannot lose myself to this unbelievable betrayal. I need healing for me. After reading so much here, I truly believe that it's possible for us to reconcile. But I need to heal for myself and my kids, regardless of whether our relationship survives or not. Sometimes I'm so weary of dealing with all the pain and emotion, all the suspicion, all the anger, the complete destruction of our life together. I look forward to Harbor for Hope to help me survive and recover. I'm worth it.

24 yrs of marriage and on 12/27 discovered that my wife had been abused by her mom since childhood and this had lead to alcohol/drug abuse and 4 separate affairs that she has kept hidden for our entire marriage. Looking for any help from anybody I can find. Have read just about every free resource you have and still longing for answers and healing.

My husband (unfaithful) has so much emotional baggage from his childhood that he hasn't dealt with, yet claims there is no possibility that he could ever be unfaithful again. I don't feel secure, especially since he threatens to leave whenever I want to talk about the affair in order to promote my own healing.

I am finding it increasingly hard to hold onto the hope for healing as time goes on. Everyone (including my husband) is telling me to take my time and time will heal. Unfortunately, time seems to be showing me that he can still lie very easily and that he is more concerned about "finding himself" rather than repairing the damage done to his family. I'm beginning to lose hope that reconciliation is even possible.

May 6, 2014 was my D -Day. It has been over a year and I still find myself in shock that my husband of 12 years has committed the ultimate betrayal. My spouse is remorseful and trying to do all the right things to make our marriage work. I find myself drowning in a sea of ugly emotions and thoughts that I never imagined I could ever possess. I don't know how to move forward without wanting to inflict the same pain onto him as he has done to me. I'm scared of allowing him back into my heart for I never want to feel this ever again. HELP!!!

It has been 2 weeks since d-day. We are still living together, pretending for the children. I want him back, but he is not the same. He is still hiding things from me, I can sense it. I don't know what God wants me to do, I need His strength to carry me through this.

Harboring Hope symbolizes a beacon of light that will help me through this darkness. My husband is presently living with the affair partner. It’s been off and on since May of 2013. I found out in August of that year. They also had a relationship in 2006 then I found out about in August. The lies and the betrayal have hurt me emotionally and physically. I filed for divorce, but now it’s at a standstill. He says he is leaving her. Since he lives in another city, I don’t know what to believe. There’s no talk of rebuilding our relationship, but I need help so that I can go on. We have been married 38 years and have 2 adult sons. Before this happened, I knew something was wrong. My husband made excuses, but I thought there was love and commitment. Now, I don’t know what to believe. I just want this roller coaster to be over. I have to know if I should keep hoping or give up and find another path in my life’s journey. I do know I need help for myself. I hope that my name will be drawn, so that I can start my healing process.

This is overwhelming to try to put into words what I'm feeling and going through. I desperately want hope. Not just for my marriage, but for my own personal life. It's been almost 6 months since discovery. The AP is pregnant with my husbands first son. We already have a 2 year old daughter together. We are trying to work on our marriage. But since he "fell in love" with this women, the affair lasted over a year, and now she is carrying his first son, I don't know how in the world to cope. Will the pain ever stop? It feels unbearable too many times and I just don't want to live this life anymore. I don't want this testimony. But I know my God is bigger. That's why I'm here. I want to believe it's possible for me to breathe again. I know that the most important thing after an affair, is to cut off communication with the AP...but that cannot be done because she has his child.
We are currently separated but still seeing each other and working on moving forward. Neither one of us wants a divorce, but maybe it's inevitable. I don't know. He's so overwhelmed with shame and guilt and hatred for what he did to everyone involved. And I'm so overwhelmed with pain. We are just stuck and do not know what to do now. I think I'm at the point where I have to just help myself and that's why I'm here.