Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free
Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!
The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.
Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated by AR staff. Drawings will be held monthly. If you'd like more information, you can also read our official rules.
The winner for December 2024 was "Michelle"
with the entry "Hanging onto Hope".
Congrats, Michelle!
The winner for November 2024 was "Carolina"
with the entry "Not a solider, just another man".
Congrats, Carolina!
The winner for October 2024 was "Becky"
with the entry "Already?!".
Congrats, Becky!
The winner for September 2024 was "SRy2024"
with the entry "It takes two".
Congrats, SRy2024!
The winner for August 2024 was "Virginia"
with the entry "Why I would like to take the Harboring Hope Course".
Congrats, Virginia!!
The winner for July 2024 was "Elyce"
with the entry "I thought we were so great ❤️ together".
Congrats, Elyce!!
The winner for June 2024 was "Malia"
with the entry "Dealing with denial of attraction/ emotional affair".
Congrats, Malia!!
The winner for May 2024 was "Navaho"
with the entry "Harboring Hope Entry".
Congrats!!
Comments
Please help my marriage!
I would like to provide you with a little bit of background regarding our marriage. My husband Glen and I have been married for 6 years. I have a 7 year old step-son and a 4 year old biological son with my husband. On May 19, 2012, I discovered a text message on my husband's phone between him and a female co-worker that was not appropriate. When I confronted my husband, he admitted to me that he had been having a 1 1/2 year affair with a female at his place of employment. This female co-worker was not only a co-worker of my husband's but was also a friend of mine. The female is also married but has since filed for divorce and moved out of her family home. The female co-worker has been to our home for our children's birthday parties and we have been to her home on several occasions. It is hard to believe that I spent so much time with this woman that I considered a "friend."
At the discovery of the affair, I asked (okay more like told) my husband to end the affair. He stated that he did but the contact between them is continuing. He has met her in a public place for breakfast and they are speaking on the telephone with one another. It is my understanding that she has been pressuring him to leave our marriage, even to the point that she told him to quit his job and she would pay his child support. He has told me that he was very clear with her during the affair that he would not be leaving our marriage. He has told me that he will not talk with her unless things aren't going well at home.
Things have been very rough at home. I want our marriage to work out and I am willing to do whatever is necessary for this to happen. He stated that if he thinks about leaving the marriage, it physically makes him sick. He stated that he feels that if he stays in our marriage, I will continue to suffer from the hurt that he has caused. He is not sure if he can watch all of the hurt that he has caused. He told me that he is going to move forward as if we are getting a divorce.
My husband has told me that he continues to have feelings for the other woman. He still continues to work with the female co-worker but has been putting in many different resumes because he knows that it is not healthy for him to continue to work in that environment.
I believe that this time that he is "running" from everyone, including God. He feels guilt and shame for his actions but has taken responsibility for them. I feel that this other woman is almost like an addiction to him and he won't seek any help to deal with it. I would appreciate any help!
Jennifer
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer I am in a similar position I found out about my husbands affair 7months ago I did not react and do anything crazy, I felt they we reconnected but new that he needed counseling and if he could heal himself we could heel out marriage so I sat back did everything possible to try and change my behavior as he did and felt his action positively. I had a time frame which was the end of June after his Birthday my 17!yr old son and of of school events. I didn't want to ruin the joy of these special events for them. Well that day came and said I wanted to talk and ask him we are or I am in that stuck position do you want to continue and work en it or divorce he said ITHINK I WANT TO DIVORCE Like you my husband say he still feels for this person he too feels the shame guilt etc he avoids conversation and I feel she is an addiction
How long?
Grasping for Hope
I'd like to take Harboring Hope because I am grasping to do just that - harbor hope - in a seemingly hopeless situation. I discovered my husband was cheating on me in June and only a month later, he had filed for divorce and was vacationing with his affair partner. How did I not see the signs that he had been cheating on me all this time? How could he so easily abandone our relationship of 10 years for another woman? Unlike the stereotype that comes with affairs, how could my husband abandon me, the God-fearing woman who looks like a Victoria Secret model, for his affair partner, a woman who is a follower of the world and looks like a soccer mom? Isn't it usually the other way around? As I navigate all these questions and more while grieving the sudden upending of my life, I am doing my best to keep my eyes on God and harbor hope.
Hopeless
Lisa
I just wanted to reach out and let you know you are not alone. I am sending you hugs and hopeful thoughts. I am right there with you. I feel like I cannot breathe some days and I feel just completely empty and violated that things were stolen that I never agreed to give up. I feel like being happy is not a feeling I am capable of feeling anymore my whole demeanor has changed. I used to laugh and find joy in anything and that has all changed. I am sending hugs please know above all you are not alone.
Same boat...
This is me %100 ❤️ Hopefully you are doing better now. I'm still struggling...
So Tired
I don't know where to start, so I guess I'll just start with "D-Day." It was September 2nd at 9:02 p.m. I had long suspected my husband was having an affair, but between two kids, full-time employment and other responsibilities, I used the excuse of not having enough time as a reason not to investigate further. My husband had gotten a new cell phone, new bank account, and was claiming to work 5 days per week at an evening job. He would pick arguments with me, belittle me and my oldest daughter. At the beginning of August he moved out. I spoke to an attorney in preparation to file for a legal separation.
My attorney asked me whether my husband was unfaithful. My knee-jerk reaction was "no! We're just incompatible... we just have communication problems" But the more we talked; the more I took an honest assessment at our relationship, I knew there was someone else. I knew it in the few moments when he attempted to be intimate with me. I knew it when he would snatch his cell phone away from me. I knew it when I watched him get extra "dolled up" to supposedly hang out with some work buddies while I stayed home and took care of our newborn son.
I'm trying to move past this, but it seems like I have maybe half a good day out of the week. I'm consumed with information my investigator found on his liaison. I'm sickened. I tried to go to the movies with him again (something we always did), but found myself ill throughout the experience (vomiting did help a little). They went to the movies together. I have images of her trying to play with my son in my head and it's all just driving me crazy. I drink a glass of wine in order to sleep without the images of them together. I can't believe he did this to our family.
I want to make my marriage work. After initially giving me some stupid story of not telling me because he didn't want to "hurt me" and not ending the relationship with her because he didn't want to "hurt her" either, it seems as though he's come to his senses. But it really hurts me that he wasted almost two years on his selfish pursuits. I'm having a hard time getting past what he has done. I have a hard time eating, sleeping, I dream about what they did together. And I *still* have this nagging feeling that I don't know the whole story.
I don't know what to do. I want to take the Harboring Hope course to try to get some assistance in starting a new chapter. I want to learn to like and respect my husband again; to look at him and not see his infidelity. To kiss him and not feel like he just kissed her.
HH Course
I’m relating to your reasons for wanting to take the HH Course, because you’re wanting what I wanted, too. I am 5 weeks into the course and the course is telling me to work on myself. I was so focused on the US of our marriage that I wasn’t seeing how unhealthy I was, and how much I was neglecting my own feelings. First, learning to love and respect yourself is powerful. I believe my husband actually started to see that no matter what, that by me taking this course, I was getting stronger and healthier and that, I would thrive whether the marriage survives or not. I will be the stronger one going forward. This has jolted my husband into asking me why I chose this program for myself. I let him know that AR is accepting for non religious as well as religious beliefs. Many of the articles/ videos even include this statement. “And, even if you’re not coming from a God faith. . .” this is what made me decide this was the program that I would try. His family shoved religion down his throat, and he has been negative about being involved in any religious type counseling, so I was originally thinking maybe he would eventually at least, look at this program. I’m learning so much more about myself and not letting my insecurities of staying in the marriage dictate my recovery. I want to get stronger for MYSELF. My husband just signed up for the 7 Day Bootcamp and is starting that program. He told me he was first doing it for me and our marriage. I told him I wouldn’t accept or take the responsibility of him taking the course if he thought it was for me. No, I told him he needs to take the course for himself first. His affair was only the tip of the iceberg in what I am dealing with right now. His deception and lies are far more entrenched than this most recent affair of his. This course has strengthened my resolve to get stronger for myself. By doing this first, I can understand more about where I want to go with my marriage. First, I want to save myself.
Skier
I totally know what you mean I think we come to realize after some time that we have got to save ourselves before anything else and that’s so hard because we physically and emotionally can’t do it by ourselves. How can you save what little is left of the you that you recognize from before while trying to get your partner to understand your pain and heartache and getting kids to where they need to be and just trying to be a wife and mother while trying to hide the fact your falling apart. Sending hugs your way
Pain and heartache
Thanks so much for your response. In my case, I have found that HH was the first place that I sought help. Group help has been a place for me to vent and ask questions. It’s the group that keeps me going because I don’t know which way is up after several betrayals in my relationship. Am I betraying myself staying in this marriage? Without looking into the depths of FOO, I believe that I would continue to search for the same person as my UH if I didn’t get help. I’m not into being Elizabeth Taylor and marrying numerous times. What was it that I saw in my UH before marrying him? If I don’t heal that wound from childhood, addicts for parents, I believe that I will continue picking the same person, except that he would be in a different skin. I want to hear my inner child and forgive that hurt little girl before thinking that my marriage is more important than the little girl that I keep inside of me. The group has helped me see this. The heartache scar will always be there. It’s doing all the necessary physical therapy to help this scar no longer create pain for me. I’m learning how to love myself now. It’s not dependent on if my marriage lasts or not. I don’t believe that my UH will ever get to know the depths of pain that I have felt. If so, no one would commit such a heinous crime against their own partner. I’m so sorry that you are here having this craziness in your life story now. Sending hugs back to you.
That nagging feeling..
I hear you. That nagging feeling is the worst. Wonder how you made out? I feel the same way.
Broken
I am broken and my heart and soul have been crushed. My husband has struggled with porn our entire marriage. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights I can't even count. It then escalated when he started going to strip clubs and getting lap dances. The current devastation is that I just found out he paid a prostitute to give him oral sex. He lies every time he is caught - He is only honest about things I already know or find out about.
My whole world has been turned upside down. I don't even know the man I married. I don't know this person I have slept next to all these years. He has a secret, dark life. I can’t believe this man who I loved threw 13 years of marriage to the wayside for some pleasure. It’s so unfair. God wants me to forgive and I don't know how. I loved him more than to succumb to sexual activities.
I don't know how to move past through all his lies. I am dying inside. I can't eat and I definately don't sleep. The pain is excruciating - its unbearable. I feel such despair and betrayal and rejection and loneliness - how could God love me? How will things ever be the same again? This news has literally brought me to my knees, taken my breathe away and changed my life forever. I have no one to talk to about this. His bad decisions are painted onto my life's canvas forever, and nothing can erase that reality. Nothing can wake me from this torment. The decisions he made will be our forever - will be forever the story of our relationship. I can never have a marriage where I can say my husband honored our vows or say he choose me over temptation....I loved him enough - why couldn't he love me enough? I desperately need hope.
Trying to hold on to hope
28 years fell apart right in front of me
My entry for help in paying for the harboring hope course.
Thirty one years ago, I married. I thought I would live happily ever after, but there was a gliche in our marriage. I accepted the Lord in my heart a few months before the wedding and he wanted nothing to do with what I had done. He had been abused as a boy by his stepfather and mother. Through the abuse, he became very anti-Semitic and anti-God. I was warned there would be rocky times ahead because of our differences in beliefs. I was sure we could work out our differences. We wed and had two sons. Times were not easy. He had difficulties getting employment and I worked as a teacher. We had to go home and live with my parents for five years so he could pursue a career in anesthesia. I became more zealous of my faith after he became an anesthetist. He wasn’t happy about that. We finally moved out of my parent’s home and bought a home of our own; then began his first affair with someone from work. I didn’t realize he was cheating on me. He kept lying and covering things up. Finally, I knew what he was doing and decided to leave with my sons. We managed to work through that and remained married. I continued to pursue Jesus and my husband began to follow my lead. We had three more children together and my husband became very involved in the youth at church. As he “grew” in the Lord; my eldest son began battling drug addiction. We were not on the same page with what to do. We both grew weary of the battle and my husband walked away from the Lord. I was fearful he would commit adultery again. Three years later, my fears came to fruition. He was with someone from church and work. He was sex texting each of them. My husband never apologized. Our situation was not good; but again, things got better. Last year he got a new app on his cell phone to cover all text messages. He made sure I couldn’t see any of his cell phone bill. He got a sex video from the person from work. Through all this, I kept giving things back to Jesus hoping and praying he would change. My daughter got engaged and my daughter-in-law found out she was expecting. We were excited as a family planning for the big events. Then two weeks before my daughter was to wed, she cancelled the wedding. My husband suddenly lost some of his business. I noticed my husband had been pulling away from me. A month after this, he told me he was leaving me. I got a private eye to follow him and found he was with a girl 18 years younger than him and her four year old daughter. She looked to be pregnant with his child. I am crushed. I take care of my elderly parents 24/7. I am presently pursuing a divorce. I need help.
Devestation
Wy does it still feel so hard?
Harboring Hope Entry...
I'll keep it short for YA! D-Day was June 6th 2011(his Betrayal). We both had an affair. I have never addressed my pain with his affair , I have spent all my time dealing with the impact of my affair on him. It's time to 'Go There' for me. It doesn't matter if your staff pulls or picks my entry, or however you do it. I will be in a Harboring Hope group reguardless at some point. It would however be a nice gift for myself because I deserve it!
The ever present, Jana
Need help with hope - why I want to take Harboring for Hope
I want to heal
Harboring Hope in South America
Need Help
Understand your pain!
Why I am Entering for Harboring Hope Drawing
My husband of 18 years told me the day after mothers day 2012 that he no longer loved me/had any emotional connection with me and that we would both move on to find someone else because I deserved someone who could love me the way I should be loved. He told me the kids would be fine, that we weren't the first people to get divorced and that I was a "good wife, great mother, great friend" that we were good co-parents together, BUT he wanted to be happy and he wasn't sure that he has EVER really "loved" me. Moved out June 1st to be with his affair partner. I was stunned. Tried to talk with him many times. I told him I thought aliens had come and stolen my husband.
Fast forward 8 months - He's not sure the AP is his lifelong mate, but he still doesn't know if he wants to give our marrige a try because he is worried that he won't have those feelings for me//there has been so much damage. So he won't end his PA because now he feels he will mess up HER life/ his work etc.
Thanks!
Selene
Just trying to breathe
Why I will always Harbor Hope
Holding Hope
This is beautifully written and speaks to my broken heart which also longs to harbor hope for these very same reasons. While I have no control over the choices my husband made and continues to make, I CAN choose what path I will take and what I will carry with me on my journey towards healing. Anger, jealousy, and resentment are far too heavy of burdens to bear. They will only weigh me down and extend my suffering. Therefore, I choose to leave them behind without looking back, and pray that I will have the strength to hold tightly to hope, love and trust in their place.
Free Class
Feeling Broken - Register for Free Class
My marriage of 23 years has always been rocky and unstable. The emotional disconnection with my husband contributed to my clinical depression and suicide attempts, alcohol addiction (been in recovery for 6 years), years of off and on marriage counseling, and a long-term emotional affair with my ex-boyfriend. After the affair was revealed, God restored our marriage and things were much better for our relationship. But the dysfunction remained and it was only a matter of time before our relationship began to crumble in the face of another conflict. For the last year we have been very disconnected, despite remaining married. I then began to suspect he was having an affair, confronted him and was lied to. He finally admitted the affair when I gave him concrete evidence of his phone calls and texts with the other woman. After kicking him out of the house, there has been no more communication from him. I feel caught between intense anger at his betryal, regret for continuing a marriage this long that has been so dysfunctional, and guilt for my contribution to the breakdown between us. I've always been so fearful of dissolving the marriage because of lack of family support and not wanting to adversely impact our daughter. How can I begin to recover from this devastation when I have no hope for a future? But something has to change. And that change has to begin with me. Harboring Hope offers me a chance to have hope for my future; a future that has nothing to do with my husband. A future that offers more than my past. A future that models faith, confidence and strength for my daughter so that this dysfunction is not repeated in her life.
I want this to work
I'd like to take Harboring
Stuck in Limbo
D-day was 2 months ago. Since then i have been trying to piece my life back together. My husband and I have 20 years of marriage and i found out that he has been unfaithful the whole time. I think the addictions are physical, emotional and he may have a sexual addiction too. Not sure if there is anything out there that can help my deep hurting. He has admitted to all this and is "sorry"! He has lived a double life for our whole marriage. I need hope and healing desperatly! I am so lost...I don't know what to try and sort out first. I am hopeful by reading posts here that possibly someone has experienced some of the same kinds of betrayl and can help me start recovering. Right now i am still in shock and stuck in Limbo...not sure what was real and what wasn't.
Trying to heal and forgive but still somewhat unsure of future
Trying to get past it.
Can't move on
Holding onto Hope, One Day @ a Time
I just don't understand
is my glass half empty or half full?
I always thought I was a "glass half full" kinda gal but the last few months it has been hard to see. My self esteem is shot, I worry and obsess constantly, and live in fear and sadness. I know I have many many things to be grateful for, but gratitude seems to elude me. Small comments send me into a tirade. Counseling was helpful, but my benefits have run out. Counseling did not seem to give me the tools I need to move ahead. I think my CS is truely sorry, but I don't think he really understands how hard this for me. He brings me flowers or makes the coffee and says he is "trying" and things would be great if I "just got over it and things went back to the way they were before". He cannot seem to accept or understand that will never happen. I want my glass to be half full again!
I won't give up.
What to expect from Betrayer
Still wanting more
Healing...with or without him
Beautiful
Hello-
I read many of the postings but I identify most with yours. Thanks for writing it.
Cynthia
Healing. . .
I want to take parts of your writing and post them all over my house. What you have said is also what I’m wanting for me. Thank You!
Harboring hope drawing
Will I ever feel normal?
The question "when will i be OK?" - is never far away from me. Even my dreams have turned to battles. "Full disclosure" of a 7 year affair with my friend was placed at my feet 13 months ago. Though I no longer have to tell myself to breathe, the doubts, fears and struggles are with me every day - and night. My husband came with repentenance and we are working on restoring our marriage - but 2 thoughts haunt me continually. The first surrounds the fact that the affair ended because the OW's husband discovered it - and she decided to work on saving her own marriage. So, in effect, my spouse's choices were limited, and I often feel that I was the 'fall back" and not the chosen. The second thought is integrated with the first - if I was not 'enough' for him before - how can the mess of the person I am now truly be 'enough'? Despite his attempts to convey otherwise - I just don't 'get it'. Harboring Hope - perhaps it will offer some help, some understanding - and that is the reason for entering the drawing. For all I have read/seen on infidelity - so far the odds of surving such a long term affair - where my spouse was able to carry on a 'double' life for so long - doesn't appear statistically good. My one true hope right now is that God is able to do above and beyond all I could ask or think... for indeed - it will take His guidance and healing to survive this - and to ever feel normal again.
I am still sinking
Betrayal
It has been a year and 1/2
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